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SANTA ANA – A man was arrested Tuesday and charged with ejaculating inside a female co-worker’s water bottle on two different occasions. The first time happened in January where prosecutors allege 31-year-old Michael Lallana went into the woman’s office, and shot a load inside a water bottle on her desk. The woman later drank from the water in the bottle and became “sick and irritated”. Then in April, Lallana pulled the same stunt, jacking off inside the same woman’s water bottle, and again the woman drank the water and became ill. This time the woman saved the bottle and sent it to a lab to be tested where baby sauce was detected. DNA tests would eventually match Lallana to his boys leading to misdemeanor counts of releasing an offensive material in a public place and assault. They wanted to charge him with something more serious, but that was the only laws on the books they could find that he had broken. Because of the DNA proof, the man’s guilt – at least the second time – isn’t in question, but I am suspect over the woman’s claims of getting sick after drinking sperm. I am a porn expert and I know for a fact women eat that shit like ice cream. The only time they are “sick and irritated” with man juice is when it’s in their hair.

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