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SANTA ANA – A man was arrested Tuesday and charged with ejaculating inside a female co-worker’s water bottle on two different occasions. The first time happened in January where prosecutors allege 31-year-old Michael Lallana went into the woman’s office, and shot a load inside a water bottle on her desk. The woman later drank from the water in the bottle and became “sick and irritated”. Then in April, Lallana pulled the same stunt, jacking off inside the same woman’s water bottle, and again the woman drank the water and became ill. This time the woman saved the bottle and sent it to a lab to be tested where baby sauce was detected. DNA tests would eventually match Lallana to his boys leading to misdemeanor counts of releasing an offensive material in a public place and assault. They wanted to charge him with something more serious, but that was the only laws on the books they could find that he had broken. Because of the DNA proof, the man’s guilt – at least the second time – isn’t in question, but I am suspect over the woman’s claims of getting sick after drinking sperm. I am a porn expert and I know for a fact women eat that shit like ice cream. The only time they are “sick and irritated” with man juice is when it’s in their hair.

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  • The only time they are “sick and irritated” with man juice is when it’s in their hair.

    Or their eye…

  • Morbid have I ever mentioned how great you are???

  • Look, ma! No puns!

  • Gee

    LOL…. Exactly see Morbid knows Don't get that shit in my hair or eyes. Jaded I thought I was the only girl who felt that way

    Seriously this is sick. I would kick that fuckers ass

  • Not that I would know or anything, 'cause I'm all innocent and virginal-like, but I'm pretty sure it stings a bit.

  • aka jas

    I have been gone for a few days………I see I have missed a lot.

    She got sick…….. LOL

  • guillotinegirl

    ..or on their wet nails that they were painting during sex.

  • aka jas

    Whew!! I would be one fired up, out-of-control, chick! I would have brought a posse, or something.

  • Gee

    There's nothing worse then getting your eyes glued shut

    Virginal-like *rolls eyes* LOL

  • somyongguy

    …and irritated! howwling!

  • Ooooo…or on the middle of their back. You know, that place you can't quite reach when it's all itchy and stuff?

  • Sugarglider1

    The middle of the back? You mean you don't have a tramp stamp as a convenient target? ; – P

  • D Caruso

    Jerked it in the bottle, you say? At least we know the perp was…

    *Flips on shades*

    Coming and not going.


  • Isabella Serafina

    Did he get fired? LOL

  • No, Sugar..I haven't earned my tramp stamp yet. I'm a slacker…

  • Kittyskyfish

    Oh god. If a co-worker did that to me, I'd skip the police and go straight to the source. That man would soon be (-1) dick.

  • IntelligentVirtue

    eww eww eww *inhale* eww eww eww eww…see I wouldn't be so grossed out if he was a cutie, ripped abs, strong biceps, toned legs, sparkling eyes, glistening lips, maybe a little bit of a dangerous but sensitive vibe…but with this guy eww eww eww eww *inhale* eww eww eww eww!!!

  • Scarlett62

    As a swallower myself – I've never gotten sick. Now, I cannot attest to the effects of diluted jizm, though. Apparently, this chick is a spitter.

    And I'm still wondering how good this guy's aim is to jack off in a bottle – or was it a wide mouth?

  • Wildheart

    My first thought as well.

  • Leahcurbieque

    How did I miss this?? I'd personally assault the mother fucker that did this to me. Cops be dammed. I'd just have to do some jail time.

  • Djmx3

    like Ice Cream??? it's not nearly that good, Morbid….

  • Scavengerofhumansorrow

    To comment, or not be yelled at?….

    Maybe it was a new age health thing? Or, he got on of those stupid spans that say “if you can jack into an ordrinay botle, we can make your mainhood longer', and tested himself. Was it a wide mouth mickey?

  • Missycaro1981

    Lol… Sounds like something my husband would say;-) Ofcourse he's a porn expert too.

  • Slh51878-online

    I know that there are some women out there that are actually allergic to jizz, but geez. And most jizz (so I've heard) tastes about the same. The taste is pretty distinct…and the smell (so I've heard). I think I'd be able to pick out a glass of water that had even a drop in it (so I'm guessing).

  • sedation

    maybe she got sick becuz he doesn't keep his dick too clean. anyone who would do something like that. . . .*shudder*. he probably refilled it with toilet water too. and if it was left out at room temp for a couple hours. . .

    he should be punished by having to brush his teeth with her shit for a week

  • Athena

    Precisely. It comes down to who owns the jizz. I'm not surprised she got sick… that mug's no joke. @_@

  • Holly Golightly

    How did she not notice it in her water bottle? I mean seriously?!?

    And what kind of sick ass pervert goes around spooging in someone's water? I bet she was his boss, and had already read about the ass who used to squirt bottle.. so this dude just squirted in her bottle to try and be original.

  • Athena

    No one? Okay…

    Sir, you overestimate this particular substance. It's available in a variety of volumes and flavors. Even texture can vary to a degree. Also. this was a bottle of water, not a glass, right? It's easy to detect things in a glass before drinking it, but I don't tend to unscrew and inspect my bottles of water part way through drinking it (presumably, it was open when he, um,,, *accessed* it).

    But I doubt she got legitimately ill, as in the jizz was tainted (or she had an allergy or whatever). It was probably psychosomatic. If I drink some water that tastes off, I don't even need to know what made it taste that way before I'm gagging. Besides, if she sent it off for testing, I bet she had an idea…

    Fucking gross.

  • IntelligentVirtue

    Yay, you totally get my sentiment! I shared this story with my bestie and she agrees. Had he been aesthetically appealing to her she would have gladly supplied the the non-BPA bottles of water. The way she figures it, it would be a public service, seeing his propensity for perviness someone should step up to the plate and swallow his offspring…again only if he was a cutie patootie. Yup that's what she said…yeah she said e_e
    Now if you'll excuse me I must find a LDS church:-D

  • Anna

    Actually, it burns for a bit, but then your eyes (or eye) is bright freaking red the rest of the day.

  • Anna

    It is pisses me off a bit to have it shoot up my nose! After you are done blowing, you have to go get a tissue (or *the towel*) and blow some more, but just your nose that time!

  • Anna

    I meant “it ALSO pisses me off ….” Sorry, it's late…

  • I'm gonna pull the microbiology card here because I just finished taking a class in it. It's possible that once the spooge sat around in the water for a while that opportunistic microbes in the water bottle began utilizing it for a food source and began to grow and multiply, causing the woman who drank the water to then get sick. I imagine that semen is like urine, being sterile when it leaves the body, but becoming contaminated with bacteria if allowed to sit.

  • meme

    Her water bottle could have been a reusable one (made of metal or colored plastic that isn't clear) so you can't see through it. Also, they may have exaggerated and stated that she got ill instead of just saying that she was nauseous, threw up or felt like throwing up or felt disgusted, etc.

  • Jgo555

    Why …that's what I wanna know.

  • polomint38

    You could do some type of “Pepsi Challenge” blind taste test.

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  • Pingback: Man Admits To Ejaculating In Co-Worker’s Water Bottle | CrimeCrawlers!()

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