MASTIC BEACH, N.Y. – Lord knows we have featured hundreds of morons on this site and there are times in which I think people just cannot get any dumber. Then I come across gems like 21-year-old Stephanie Benatatos and her 24-year-old boyfriend, Zifiris “John” Valsamis. This couple needed a plan to get some fast cash so the two dopes put their heads together, squeezed their eyes shut real tight, huffed, grunted and pushed with all their might. To their surprise a little, stinky nugget popped out. This great idea consisted of Benatatos calling her mother and telling her that she and Valsamis had been kidnapped by men in an SUV. Shortly after, Zifiris called Benatato’s mother and told her that the kidnappers had released him so he could collect the $400 he owed them for drugs. If he did not pay them, they would hurt her daughter. After that call, Benatatos dialed 911 to bolster their beautiful plan but Seventh Squad detectives smelled the tiny turd. After questioning the couple, the entire kidnapping was deemed a hoax. The couple were both charged with attempted grand larceny in the 2nd degree and conspiracy in the 5th degree.