Another day, another bunch of idiots. Should have figured that yesterday was just the calm before the storm. There was so much terrible shit going on in the news today that we just didn’t have time to get to it all. Here is a small sampling:
PEARLAND, Texas – A woman was attacked by two pit bulls outside of her home and she and her husband are claiming that the only reason that she is alive today is because of their cat, Lima. It wasn’t until Lima jumped into the fight that the dogs were distracted long enough for the woman to be dragged into the house.
DICKINSON, Texas - Some kids suffered minor chemical burns after one of their dumbass classmates mixed something (more than likely toilet bowl cleaner) with aluminum foil underneath the gym bleachers. The 13-year-old was arrested and charged with arson. You almost made it to the end of the year, kid.
RIVERVIEW, Fla – Michael Major was arrested after some fellow motorists witnessed him tossing three live kittens out of his car window, running over one of them. He was pulled over by police and charged with felony animal cruelty. Aside from the kitten pancaked in the road, the other two were not located.
MESA, Ariz. - A former police officer has been found guilty of molesting a 10-year-old boy and a 9-year-old girl in 2008. A jury found Justin Bowman, 31, guilty Wednesday of 32 counts of child molestation, sexual conduct with a minor, sexual exploitation of a minor and furnishing obscene materials to a minor. An ex-cop child molester in prison. This guys is fucked. Literally.
ONTARIO COUNTY, N.Y. – A 12-year-old boy has been sentenced to two years probation, for the sexual abuse of young girls. Initially charged with three counts of first-degree rape and sexual abuse, the boy confessed to reduced charges of three counts of second-degree sexual abuse, involving three girls under the age of 14.
Well that’s it. Have a great evening. I am going to the local strip club and blow some money. In the meantime, be sure to stay away from lame-ass imitators. It just makes you look like that kid walking around with the knockoff Member’s Only jacket back in Jr. High. Oh, and visit our Facebook Fan Page if you aren’t doing so already. If you really wanna let your freak flag fly, post a link to it on your page and get your normal friends and family concerned.