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Punxsutawney, PA – …you end up lockin’ lips with road kill. Donald Wolfe, 55, was reportedly trying to revive a dead possum Thursday afternoon right before he was arrested and charged with public intoxication.

One witness reported seeing Wolfe “kneeling before the deceased animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a séance.” When that didn’t work, Wolfe tried mouth-to-mouth. Try as he might, that critter was beyond help – it wasn’t just playing possum, it had already been dead for quite some time before Wolfe stumbled across it.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had the pleasure of tripping over a dead possum, but speaking from experience, I can tell ya those little bastids have an aroma that is rank beyond compare. I wouldn’t get close enough to poke a dead one with a stick, let alone get close enough to suck face with it.

They are so absolutely vile, buzzards won’t even snack on them after they expire. I shudder for the guy, and as soon as I get this story up, I’m gonna go gargle a mouthful of Listerine in his honor. Wolfe will face the judge on said charges sometime in the near future. According to the source link, the arresting officer listed the victim in the incident as ‘society.’ I lol’d.

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