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Punxsutawney, PA – …you end up lockin’ lips with road kill. Donald Wolfe, 55, was reportedly trying to revive a dead possum Thursday afternoon right before he was arrested and charged with public intoxication.

One witness reported seeing Wolfe “kneeling before the deceased animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a séance.” When that didn’t work, Wolfe tried mouth-to-mouth. Try as he might, that critter was beyond help – it wasn’t just playing possum, it had already been dead for quite some time before Wolfe stumbled across it.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had the pleasure of tripping over a dead possum, but speaking from experience, I can tell ya those little bastids have an aroma that is rank beyond compare. I wouldn’t get close enough to poke a dead one with a stick, let alone get close enough to suck face with it.

They are so absolutely vile, buzzards won’t even snack on them after they expire. I shudder for the guy, and as soon as I get this story up, I’m gonna go gargle a mouthful of Listerine in his honor. Wolfe will face the judge on said charges sometime in the near future. According to the source link, the arresting officer listed the victim in the incident as ‘society.’ I lol’d.

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  • Boringusername

    Maybe he thought it was Punxsutawney Phil and REALLY wanted an early spring?

  • FlamingFox

    Ugh. I saw this last night and DID NOT click the link because I wanted to keep my dinner in my belly. I should have known you'd write it up, Jaded. I am glad I skipped lunch today. Barf!

  • Jaded

    In nearly every story we do here at the D'D, there is an 'at least…' That said, at least he wasn't fucking the dead possum…

  • FlamingFox

    Both of those thoughts make my vomit meter go in the red. Thanks! I heart you! 😉

  • special2bme

    LMAO, funny write up Jaded! I have a cat named Possum, I will never look at him the same and might have to change his name.

  • sodomschild

    I would totally go country drinking with this guy.As long as I have my camera!!!

  • DaunsGT

    I have a family of Possums that live around my house. I leave food and water out for them and they eat right out of my hand and even from silverware. They are unbelievably beautiful and fascinating marsupials. I have not ruined them by domesticating them and i never attempt to pick them up even though a few of them let me pet them at times. i want them to still keep their wild instincts for their well being out in the wild. They have no odor to them though, not that I have ever smelled. However, anything that has been dead for awhile would I am sure. They are just like people, they have distinct personalities. I think they just get a bad rap sometimes and I just wanted to stand up for them in that are not disgusting creatures. People have proved to be more disgusting to me than animals at times…

    His behavior is disgusting. I do not however condone what he did in any way… that is really bizzare… but alcohol tends to twist people like that i guess. i just wanted to say that possums are great creatures, thats all….

  • FlamingFox

    That's cool. It's just that I didn't see any part in Jaded's write-up where she was dissing a live opossum at all. Just the dead ones.

  • defenestratethis

    Possums always make me think of the Beverly Hillbillies

  • sarabei

    I don't care how drunk I get, I am NOT locking lips with roadkill! EWWWWWW!

  • boughtthefarm

    They should have admitted his sick ass to a psych ward rather than wasting a courts time with this. Who the fuck ever tries to revive wild animals?? I did have a friend who did m to m to her dog because he fell in the pool and was drowning [I thought all dogs could swim]. It did work.

  • hitlerina

    Is it just my flithy mind or does it look like this possum has a minature penis stuffed in it mouth?

  • beatlechick

    Well, there goes my lunch break. BLEH