Aberdeen, UK – Last November, a woman called police to complain that her boyfriend was shit-faced and she wanted him removed from her home. When officers arrived, they found 28-year-old Marium Varinauskas sitting on the couch in his underwear. A female officer, perhaps trying to calm the drunken fool and convince him to leave without a fight, took a seat near Marium on the couch. (Cue hysterical Jaded snortgiggling in 3…2…) Marium then stood up over the officer, whipped out his junk and thrust it in the officer’s face, trying to thunk her in the head with it. The officer was forced to take evasive action and just barely managed to avoid being cock slapped. Marium and his wee willy were promptly taken out the door and straight to jail. He was was due to go on trial for assault, but changed his plea to guilty on Tuesday. The court accepted his plea and has fined him £600, which, and spork me if I’m wrong, amounts to about $900 and some change. The extremely embarrassed and apologetic Marium has decided to quit with the binge drinking as a result of the whole incident.
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