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Alfred Duckless’ Futer Is Dim

March 17, 2010 at 11:56 am by  

Beebe Plain, VT – From Alfred Duckless’ Myspace profile: “I am 25 i have a four year old son witch i am raising by my self but we will make it.” Yeah, barely. According to authorities, Duckless rushed his toddler son to the emergency room back in December because the child was unresponsive. At the hospital, it was determined that the boy was near death, suffering from severe hypothermia – his body temperature was just 80.6 degrees. When questioned, Dickless told doctors and police that the child had played outside in the cold for an extended period of time. The child recovered and was later placed in a foster home. Not satisfied with the initial explanation of the boy’s injuries, investigators recently questioned Dickless again. This time, his story was way different. Turns out the kid pissed in his pants and as punishment, he was submerged in cold water up to his neck and forced to remain there for at least 3 hours. When he struggled to get out, Dickless pushed him back in, bruising the child’s head in the process. Dipshit was arrested on charges of aggravated domestic assault and is being held on $200,000 bond. From his Who I’d Like To Meet section: “I would realy like to meet to meat my sperit guide so that it will shine some light on my futer.” You don’t need no sperit guide, Alfred, I can help you out. My Magic 8 Ball just told me you’re fucked, you illiterate pissant…

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  • Dakota Valkyrie

    Jaded's futer's so bright she gotta wear shades.

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    My futer used to be bright, too…but then I adjusted my monitor settings to save energy.

  • guillotinegirl

    I want Jaded's cussing Magic 8 Ball. Mine just says the same generic phrases over and over.

  • backlash

    “I am 25 i have a four year old son witch i am raising by my self but we will make it.”

    here, let me help you with the grammar and punctuation buddy…

    I am 25 and have a four year old sandwich. I am raising it to my mouth by myself. I am confident I can do it.

    and

    “I would realy like to meet to meat my sperit guide so that it will shine some light on my futer.”

    I would really like for my spirit guide to go meat to meat with me, as it tickles in my touch hole.

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    “Tickles in my touch hole”

    I lol'd.

  • Zibarro aka Kryssa

    Ugh.

    I must say though – I love Jaded's write up :-)

    If dad is this daft – wtf was up with mom? Is she deceased? If not – what the hell could she have possibly done that made him a “better” candidate??

    The only saving grace in any of these stories is that when the children survive – there's hope for a better “futer” ;-)

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Damn, woman!! Where have you been? Nice to see your avatar again. =)

  • cplkevindheglar

    “Dreamin Deamon the Facebook of Crime, I like this site better than facebook any day!”

  • Zibarro aka Kryssa

    Thanks love!

    I have been taking a break, more or less :) Had so much of my own drama to deal with… there was no way I could deal with these ass nuggets! lol I would see stories once in a while thru Facebook (our beloved “leader” is on my friends list) but left them alone.

    Figures that I come back to sooo many changes! lol. Had to create a “Disqus” profile in order not to be considered a “guest” :( Oh, well. Here I iz. And I have plenty of ire stored up — lemme at 'em! hehehe.

    Missed you Jaded! (and FF and April and Al and Ugotta and… ) fuck it… I missed you all!

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    And we missed you! So, so glad to have you back! Now, here's your bucket of stones – you know what to do. =)

  • Zibarro aka Kryssa

    Oh, Goodie!! And look! You had a big “Z” engraved on my bucket! You're so thoughtful! <3

    Look out fucktards – I've been practicing at home and my aim is pretty freaking awesome! hehehehe…

  • Zibarro aka Kryssa

    Wellll…. bring my apps over here and Facebook would be history! LOL!

    Definitely better reading by far!

    (omg… is that correct? I've commented on here 887 times?? Get the fuck outta here! Guess I'll shoot for 1 grand~)

  • AlwaysInFlyoverCountry

    Glad to see you back.

    –Al

  • tenente

    I can see what he was going for. Traumatize a kid early on with water, kid develops some serious unfixable, deep scarred in fear of water, and you never have to worry about him getting away from you and drowning. The unfortunate part is that you probably also conditioned him to piss his pants every time he sees a body of water. Oh well, you can't win em all.

  • popeyeray

    he's raising a 4 yr old witch!? WAIT WTF!? He's DEAD! They've already got a vat of boiling hot water with a lots o sugar mixed in it (poor man's willy peter – napalm bomb), ready fling on him!

  • Zibarro aka Kryssa

    Turns out the kid pissed in his pants and as punishment, he was submerged in cold water up to his neck and forced to remain there for at least 3 hours.

    He was a fucktard going for punishing this child for wetting himself – no more, no less. Please don't attempt to turn this into something “noble” in any way, shape or form. This “man” is an asshole to the n'th degree. This child will likely wet himself for a long time to come AND fear water/bathtubs AND males in his life.

    The “unfortunate part” is he was born to this “man” in the first place and will be scarred for life in many, many ways.

    I hope your response was at least partly tongue in cheek.

  • Checkinitout

    What an ass

  • tenente

    haha, it's okay it's okay, my comment was 100% tongue in cheek.

  • Abroad

    I see …… I see …….. I see ……

    Actually, on second viewing, I am not sure I see much “futur” for Dickless.

  • melb1970

    What kind of retard does this?
    Best thing that can happen for this child is that he be removed permanently from this idiot's home!!!!

  • …….

    i know the little boy he lives with my neighbor and he did not deserve this. Alfred is a jerk who cares for no one but himself. His son is a really good kid and he is happy and fine now.