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Shopping Cart Shortage Leads To Beat-Down

December 17, 2009 at 6:42 am by  

Aachen, Germany – We open this story with a 35-year-old woman and a 74-year-old man in a supermarket parking lot. They both eyed the single empty shopping cart in the parking lot at the same time. They both wanted it – had to have it. They both laid hands on it at the same time. Tensions rose and a tug-of-war ensued. The woman’s 24-year-old brother entered the picture and threw a punch, knocking the older man to the ground. Victory was theirs!! The siblings, along with their 53-year-old mother, entered the grocery store with the beloved cart. That older man may have been down, but he sure as hell wasn’t out. He followed the trio into the store and proceeded to club the 24-year-old with salami. Well, the attack got mom all in a huff, so she armed herself with a sharp chunk of Parmesan cheese and attempted to stab the salami-wielding old guy with it. In the process, mom fell down and bonked her head on a glass display case. Police report that two of the parties involved in the assault were hospitalized and treated for minor injuries. Whether any charges have been or will be filed is unknown. Why all the ruckus over a shopping cart? Apparently, there is some sort of shopping cart shortage at the busy supermarket and it’s making people a little edgy. Heh…it’s always something.

Thanks for the tip, backlash!

Shopping Cart Shortage Leads To Beat Down
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  • Vindictive

    Germans are sensitive about their shopping carts, believe me.

  • Darsa

    Hahahahahaaa!!! :D

  • MadeaBecBec

    I know there’s video, somewhere!! I want to see it, ermm, just for the sake of safety! Not entertainment or anything…..

  • Coyote

    What a great story to start my day; thanks for the laugh Jaded!

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    As I was writing the story, the whole thing played out in my head like an old silent movie, with the crazy music and everything. It was hilarious!!

  • backlash

    Smacked down with a salami, then stabbed with parmesan. Awesome.

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Anybody else in the mood for a sammich?

  • MadeaBecBec

    Where’s the Ritz crackers? And cheap wine?

  • eracsurfer

    Am I the only one that imagined the Benny Hill theme playing as this went on?

  • Abroad

    No, you are not. I’m with Eracsurfer……

  • weejodie

    That I would pay to see……

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-House/1011555524 John House

    They couldn't just…meat each other halfway?