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FBI Looking For Man Who Used H1N1 To Rob A Bank

December 14, 2009 at 2:02 pm by  

Denver, Colorado – Has it really gotten to this point? Has the media really gotten people so scared of the swine flu that it can be used as a weapon? Possibly. A man wearing a mask and surgical gloves walked into the Wells Fargo Bank in Cherry Creek North on Thursday and handed a teller a note. While the exact wording has not been released, it has been reported that the note demanded money and informed the teller that he had the H1N1 virus. The teller gave the man an undisclosed amount of cash who then fled. The man is being described as being being 40- to 45-years old, 5 feet 8 inches to 6 feet tall and weighing 160 pounds. Anyone with information about the bank robbery is asked to call the FBI Rocky Mountain Safe Streets Task Force at 303-629-7171 or remain anonymous and earn up to $2,000 by calling CRIMESTOPPERS. I cannot wait to hear what the man was reportedly going to do if the teller had refused. Sneeze? Had I been the teller, they would have to cart me out of there because of a fit of uncontrollable laughter. But then again I still have unprotected sex with hookers and have been known to use the needles I pull out of the arms of dead junkies. My immune system to disease is like the Scrubbing Bubbles on a shit-stained toilet. Steerong.

FBI Looking For Man Who Used H1N1 To Rob A Bank
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    • backlash

      That’s like robbing a bank with the threat of hemmorhoids…

      “If you don’t give me all of your money, I will make sure it is uncomfortable when you sit down.”

      Who falls for this shit? Hopefully the teller gave him the money to reward his creativity and humor.

    • dmax

      My immune system to disease is like the Scrubbing Bubbles on a shit-stained toilet. Steerong.

      So, in essence, you’d be more likely to make a deposit rather than a withdrawl?

    • http://www.dreamindemon.com Morbid

      So, in essence, you’d be more likely to make a deposit rather than a withdrawl?

      Yes. That sounds about right.

    • MadeaBecBec

      Had I been that teller, i would’ve just gave him a spray of Lysol in the eyes, may’ve cured him, at the same time!!

    • Twisted

      In a former life, I actually worked as a bank teller here in Denver. I can honestly say that, of all the ways I saw people attempt to get money that wasn’t theirs, this was not one of them.

      Of course, if he’d have caught me by the end of my time there, when I hated my job and wanted any excuse to get out of there, I may have paid him to cough on me. I had the sick time.

    • orion

      cherry creek is full of uppity rich bitches. “eeeeeek! he’s got the swine flu! give him everything you got!” retards

    • Uvgottabkiddin

      I would have given him the money just for the laugh of the day!