Louisville, KY – We’ve all done it – you get a drink or two past tipsy and do something to make a total ass of yourself, guaranteeing that you will be the butt of many future jokes. You know what I’m talking about, you get all obliterated on Mad Dog, get nekkid and cover yourself in peanut butter and raisins, arm yourself with a machete and an ice cream scoop and run through the neighborhood screaming “Where’s the beef?” just one friggin’ time and people just can’t seem to let it go. We’ve all done it at least once, right? Right? And speaking of drunken antics, please allow me to introduce old stink-face, William Cope Jr. After imbibing on who knows what for who knows how long, Cope found himself at a Kroger store. After urinating in one of the aisles, Cope found his way to the meat department where he opened up a few boxes of licorice candy, some cornbread stuffing, and several packages of steaks. When an officer approached and asked him what the hell he was doing, Cope, a slab of raw meat in each hand, answered, “Checking the texture of meat.” (After looking at that stink face mug, I can literally hear this guy in my head and it sounds more like this: ”Chicking zee texture of zee mit, you foo!”) Cope, who is also a registered sex offender, was arrested and charged with public intoxication. He agreed to pay for the items he contaminated to avoid a shoplifting charge. I’ve decided to quit gettin’ my drank on – I just know that Morbid is waiting for the day I slip up and land my own drunk ass on his front page.

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