Clean-Up On Aisle One, Please
November 11, 2009 by Jaded
Iowa City, IA - How inebriated must one be to feel that it is kosher to just drop trou’ and discharge a few ass apples in a public venue? I’m guessing one would have to have a B.A.C. somewhere in the vicinity of .24, give or take, and an IQ in that same general area. Demonites, please meet Mr. Robert E. Lee. Mr. Lee here allegedly entered a CVS Pharmacy Friday evening, ambled his way up front, lifted his shirt, dropped his pants, and dumped a load of sphincter spears. Then, without even bothering to wipe or wash, Mr. Lee walked out of the store. Ummm…ew? When the cops caught up with the butt nugget bandit, the slurred speech and aroma of alcohol gave him away. (Not to mention the .24). Mr. Lee, 57, was charged with fifth-degree criminal mischief and public intoxication – both misdemeanors. The store manager who reported the incident told police it would cost less than $200 to clean up the mess. (And a drawing of straws between employees, I’d imagine). All right, Morbid – let’s have one of those asstastic poop stories you are so fond of telling….you know you wanna!
Robert Lee
10:22 am on November 11th, 2009
Never heard of a crime in the FIFTH degree or even fourth. Learn something new everyday. Now, onto the story….WTF is all I can say! I wonder where this sot thought he was dropping his waste? Feeling bad for the janitor or whoever had to clean that up.
11:22 am on November 11th, 2009
He was probably just making a statement about the service at CVS…
Funny shit Jaded…
11:48 am on November 11th, 2009
GROSSSSS!! “butt nugget bandit,” lol.
12:06 pm on November 11th, 2009
I got a poop story for ya….
Back when I was a half-Jaded, I worked at Burger King. (Just typing that sentence has brought back terrible, terrible memories. I can’t eat at BK to this day). Anyway – I was the newbie and the only chick on the night shift so, of course, the manager made me clean up the shitters every night. One night, I was in the mens room. In one of the toilets was the biggest, smelliest, nastiest looking butt brownie I had ever seen. I couldn’t believe that monstrosity actually came out of a human ass – it was the shit horror movies are made of. The thing was the size of a human head FFS. After shuddering in disgust for about 30 seconds, I flushed. It wouldn’t go down. I flushed again. It still sat there, mocking me. Flushflushflushflush. Nothing. It just kept spinning. And gurgling. I went into the office and told my boss that there was turd that just wouldn’t flush. His response? Go cut it up with a knife until it’s small enough to fit down the hole. The motherfucker wanted me to poke at someone’s intestinal sculpture with a fucking knife. He wasn’t kidding. I told him that maybe it was better if I just left it overnight – maybe the damn thing would soften up, get mushy, and flush. He told me that if I didn’t get that turd out of there, I was gonna lose my job. It took me about 3.5 seconds to figure out what I was gonna do. $3 an hour or my dignity? It pleased me to imagine, as I made my way out the door, my manager poking at that monstrous turd with a knife.
The end.
12:15 pm on November 11th, 2009
I used to work in an office building where we shared a restroom with an office that supported the mentally disabled. One of these kids used to think it was funny to empty his colostomy bag in a toilet and not flush it. He would do this at least twice a week. It looked like a fudge football. Come to think of it, that was pretty funny!
12:20 pm on November 11th, 2009
That shit floating around in the toilet was not funny – it was kinda scary. I’ve given birth to smaller things than that.
12:28 pm on November 11th, 2009
i sadly do not have any turd-filled stories that i can think of at the moment.. but thanks Jaded…for putting that image in my head.. glad you had the sense to get the hell out of dodge!
~ceisdsgil
12:50 pm on November 11th, 2009
Thankfully, ceisdsgil, that’s the only turd story I got.
2:15 pm on November 11th, 2009
Roflmao! I had no idea that my poop vocabulary was so limited!
Not quite up to the above stories, but my first part time job included making coffee for clients at a nationally known tax prep company. The gal who had been responsible for the coffee for the previous year took me into the little rest room to show me how to clean the coffee pot innards. And evidently for that year, she had been washing the basket by swishing it in the toilet bowl. When I blanched and gasped, she laughingly told me not to be silly, the water was clean. ‘Prolly has a lot to do with me never learning to drink coffee.
2:51 pm on November 11th, 2009
Did you hear any screaming earlier in the evening? Good Lord!
BR – No way!!!???!!! I could never look at the coffee drinkers in the office the same again.
I don’t really have any stories either, just baby stuff. Which if you have experience then I’m sure at some point you have wondered how in the hell, but none as good as the others told
2:48 am on November 12th, 2009
Grief BR, that’s the kinda shit immature peps do to folks they hate not peps they’re hired to cater to.I HATE letting anybody tend to food and beverage matters exactly for that kinda stuff.I’ve managed a few restraunts in my time and it’s a dirty , dirty world out there.
7:13 am on November 12th, 2009
I’m terrified of public toilets thanks to an incident when I was eight years old. I walked into a stall, closed and locked the door, turned to the toilet to discover it was full of ick. I thought (and this thought will -never- cross my mind again) “I’m already in here, I’ll flush the toilet and go.” I flushed the toilet and the ick stuck… and then bubbled… and then came back up. The lock jammed as I tried to get out before it did. I screamed like I was being killed as that goo came towards me. My mother had to hold me for an hour after that ordeal..
2:29 pm on November 12th, 2009
Lol, exactly why I always smile big and tip bigger whenever we eat out. Why I have to explain that to hubby is beyond me.
OMG, I soooo had to stifle the urge to back away from my computer! Locked bathroom stall doors, stuff of nightmares!!!
12:00 pm on November 18th, 2009
maybe the turd belonged to GOATSE!!! 0.0 bwuhahahahaha!
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