Todd Napodano Blamed It On Explosive Diarrhea
November 6, 2009 by Jaded
Collier County, FL - I love my job here at the Dreamin’ Demon – if I weren’t actively searching for stories to post, I would totally miss out on some of the hilarity that occurs in the good ‘ole US of A on a daily basis. Here we have Wal-Mart, public nudity, and dirty underwear all in the same story – what more could you possibly ask for? Meet Todd Napodano – he was airing out his junk in a Wal-Mart parking lot Monday afternoon, when a mother and her daughter happened to pass by his Chevy box van while searching for their own vehicle. When he noticed he had an audience, Todd allegedly stood up in the van and started shaking his hips, and the family jewels, in their general direction. Instead of laughing hysterically and pointing, like I would have done, the women called authorities. When officers rolled onto the scene about an hour later, Todd was still there in the back of his van, all nekkid and stuff, and still in plain view of the public.
Todd Napodano
When officers confronted Todd and asked him why he was nekkid in the Wal-Mart parking lot, he had a doozy of an excuse at the ready. He told them that he had experienced a case of explosive diarrhea and was using his drawers to clean himself up. But, upon examination of the tighty whities, the officers couldn’t find any evidence of uncontrolled bowels. The undies were stained, but not explosive diarrhea stained. Todd Napodano, 44, was arrested and booked on charges of indecent exposure. Welcome to the Dreamin’ Demon, Todd. I do hope you enjoy your stay.
10:52 am on November 6th, 2009
hehehehe….I used that excuse to get out of a speeding ticket once. It actually worked. Then again, I wasn’t shaking my junk at little kids…
11:03 am on November 6th, 2009
Explosive diarrhea huh? Interesting!??!!
11:14 am on November 6th, 2009
Yesterday, I had an upset stomach that got compounded by a $1 double-cheeseburger from Burger King. I went to evacuate my bowels in our company restroom, but someone had used a sawed-off shitgun on it. Luckily, the stomach cramps dissipated and by the end of the work day, I felt fine. Hungry even.
I picked up my evil spawn, we went to Game Stop and then had some Mexican food. I ordered two burritos. One with seasoned ground beef, the other with shredded beef. This came with re-fried beans and rice. I dropped off the spawn at the Evil Ex Lair and proceeded to get on I-485 for the 30 minute drive back home.
10-minutes in, I am stuck in a virtual parking lot because of a wreck some odd miles in front of me. No nearby exit ramps, no nothing but darkness lit by a sea of brake lights. And then the stomach pain began. Pain unlike any other. As if I was giving birth in reverse. Or that a large, smelly rat was chewing his way through my intestines. I did a lot of praying that the pain would subside and a lot of calculating on exactly what I was going to do if it did not.
I came to the realization that if the need arose, and I was still stuck in unmoving traffic – I would simply try to shit in the backseat inside of a Food Lion bag that had been left back there. But if I made it through the wreck and was doing 75mph when the involuntary bowel eruption were to occur, I would simply shit my pants – or if possible, get into the emergency lane and leave my own personal roadkill. Once I accepted my options, I was at peace. A calmness swept over me as if I were Major Dan facing the storm atop my own crow’s net. “Come on, bowels!” I screamed. “Bring it on, BETRAY ME!”
But the excruciating stabs of internal pain actually subsided to waves of dull aching and I was able to make it home. Barely. My toilet was destroyed, my bathroom condemned for several hours. But I survived. Good God, Almighty…I survived.
11:47 am on November 6th, 2009
My God Morbid, that read like a Tom Clancy novel. I was on the edge of my seat for the whole ride. The way you taunted your bowels to do their worst is truly brave and inspiring. The shock and awe campaign you inflicted on your porcelain enemy must have been devastating to it’s morale. You are a real American hero. I salute you sir.
11:52 am on November 6th, 2009
Thanks, Morbid, for the visuals. This time, they were accompanied by audio. Appreciate it. Ass.
11:58 am on November 6th, 2009
At least you didn’t hear what I had to listen to. It sounded like a whoopee cushion full of syrup.
12:52 pm on November 6th, 2009
Can I get that as a ringtone?
3:07 pm on November 6th, 2009
I am laughing very very hard at the mental image of a man crouching in the back seat of his car, shitting into a Food Lion bag. Seriously. ha ha ha ha
4:44 pm on November 6th, 2009
I love it when Uncle Morbid tells a good shit story!
7:11 pm on November 6th, 2009
Great dietary habits there. Glad you survived!
8:10 pm on November 6th, 2009
Morbid, that is too funny! Those $1 double cheeseburgers are hell on one’s stomach. I ate two of them on afternoon after I’d starved all day for a blood workup – bad idea. If you had shit on yourself, you’d have had to sell that car!
12:26 am on November 7th, 2009
Jaded,Morbid: Thanks for the shit giggles! Hella funny!
9:27 am on November 8th, 2009
Morbid… that is some funny shit. Pun intended
5:47 pm on November 8th, 2009
Okay the shit story was just too much- and why did ya have to bring double cheeseburgers into it? Damn man
10:41 am on November 9th, 2009
You are skilled at shit retention and are at one with it.
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