SPOKANE, Washington – Caroline Francis was sitting at a light after leaving the YMCA last week when a large van with three men pulled up beside her and asked her to roll down her window. The passenger began asking for directions to a particular street. She tried giving them instructions, but started getting suspicious when they kept asking her questions. Their true intent became apparent when the light turned green. That’s when the passenger leaned out of his window and poured a 20-ounce bottle full of piss in her face. “I know this is really gross but I thought it was water and then I could smell it and it was all over me and I was freaking out shaking,” Carolinecaroline reviews said. “It got all over me, in my eye, in my mouth, all over my car.” Um. GAG.

The guy doing the pouring almost seems like some type of character out of a Charles Bronson Death WishDeath Wish reviews movie based on Carolyn’s description. “He leaned out the window and threw it at me, and then came out even farther so that his waist was out the window and he just had to get every last drop on my face and he had the meanest look on his face, I won’t forget that look it was so malicious,” she said. I’m imagining him twirling his mustache in satisfaction like Snidely Whiplash as they sped off.

Too add insult to injury, she cannot get the car cleaned as car wash companies treat urine as a bio-hazard. It’s easy to crack jokes about what happened, but I think how unfunny and cowardly this action was is best described by Carolyn herself when she wrote to the three morons in the Cheers and Jeers section of The Inlander. It read:

To the 3 imbecilic, high school aged white males in a white van at the light on Boone & Lincoln Tues. night around 7:30 PM who thought it would be funny to have me roll down my window & ask me for directions but then proceed to throw urine in my face: It is because of people like you that society has stopped being nice to each other. I know that you will get what is coming to you some day, but how about paying me back for having to get my car detailed in order to get the stench of your urine out of it? How about paying mind to the fact that while you drove off thinking you were the worlds funniest people I was left shaking & sputtering your bodily fluids out of my mouth, wiping it out of my eyes, worried I had gotten a disease. How about listening to my phone call as I reported you to the police, tears rolling down my cheeks because I would never, ever harm or hurt people, and was only trying to be nice and help you out. How about talking to my fiance and friends! and family and apologizing to them, since they had to hear me scared and alarmed, livid and hating what had happened to me, feeling absolutely disgusting, all from you putting me through something so wretched. I wish I was not so shocked when it happened and that I would have had my wits about me to copy down your license plate number. I abhor you and can’t wait until that day comes that you get a good licking from this world. If anyone out there knows who these guys might be, call crime check and report them, they don’t deserve to get away with this.

I like Carolyn, though. She seems to have a pretty good sense of humor after having piss from strangers poured in her mouth. It could have been worse. “It could have been poop,” she said.

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