Random Ball Basher on the Loose in Langley
November 2, 2009 by Jaded
Langley, British Columbia – To the men in Langley – might I suggest adding a protective cup to your daily wardrobe? Seems there is a psycho bitch running loose up there who may find enjoyment in random peter punting. Anthony Clark, 22, was walking around Langley last month, just minding his own business, when a strange woman on the street approached him and kicked him in the nads. Just like that. Poor guy didn’t realize the severity of the blow to the acorns until later that night when he “noticed something was missing.” The demented stranger kicked him hard enough to send one of the crown jewels straight up into his abdomen. Clark visited a specialist in the hopes that the beloved bollock could be coaxed out of his gut to continue life in it’s rightful spot. No such luck.
Those ain't jellybeans...
See that picture? Those are prosthetic testes – Clark lost a nut in the attack and will require a prosthetic replacement. For Christmas this year, Anthony Clark gets a new nut. Nice. The news isn’t all bad, I guess – “My doctors say I will still be able to have children,” Clark said. “But at 22 that’s not something I want a stranger, this woman, to decide.”
Embarrassed by the whole incident, Clark waited for nearly four weeks before going to police. Come to find out, Clark isn’t the woman’s only victim – though there hasn’t been any other official reports of ball bashing, police believe there are at least four other victims. The assailant is described as a Caucasian woman, in her late teens or early 20s, between 5′5″ and 5′7″, about 130 pounds with a slim build, and brown hair. “I just want to know what her problem is,” Clark said. “People like her shouldn’t be on the streets.” Indeed, Anthony. Indeed.
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- B.C. police seek serial groin-kicker after attacks (nationalpost.com)
9:14 am on November 2nd, 2009
Beulah?
10:29 am on November 2nd, 2009
Mom?
11:24 am on November 2nd, 2009
Judge Judy?
11:54 am on November 2nd, 2009
I hope the police are making an honest effort in finding this ball breaking bitch; that just ain’t right.
12:00 pm on November 2nd, 2009
Nancy Grace?
1:45 pm on November 2nd, 2009
hahahaha PETER PUNTING! This site has an inherent risk of laptops being ruined by spit out beverages… Note to self: do not read jaded’s posts until after I swallow… oh, no pun intended!
2:03 pm on November 2nd, 2009
Mother Theresa?
3:21 pm on November 2nd, 2009
hahaha… scorned woman on the vengence!
6:23 pm on November 2nd, 2009
Oprah?
6:47 pm on November 2nd, 2009
ROFL!
11:52 pm on November 2nd, 2009
Anyone see the episode of King of the Hill where Bobby learned to defend himself in the women’s class??
He yelled “THAT’S MY PURSE!! I DON’T KNOW YOU!!” and then kicked hank in the nuts? That’s all I could think about when I read this.
1:09 am on November 3rd, 2009
All I can think is Who in heck pissed this Bitch off to the point she now has it out for every man’s nuts?
Whoever did it he must have been one hell of a guy to cause this woman to turn on men in such a vicious manner.
9:40 am on November 3rd, 2009
No fucking way!
11:37 am on November 3rd, 2009
Oh, dear. My husband thought of me when he read this. I don’t go up kicking random men in the balls, but I did once kick my husband in the balls while we were playing around. (This was 8 years ago and he has never let me forget it!) He learned to block that day. Oh, and I’d kick my brother and his friends in the balls when we were kids. They were wearing athletic cups and testing them by kicking each other in the balls. I thought it looked like fun so I joined in. It was fun, by the way. But no one got hurt.
As for the woman going around kicking these men in the balls, I don’t know what her problem is, but if the guy had to get a prosthetic testicle, she probably wasn’t playing around. Maybe she was dumped or brutally raped. Either way, the guy’s right. She doesn’t need to be on the streets. She needs psychiatric help. These guys didn’t do anything to deserve her rage and abuse.
3:17 pm on November 3rd, 2009
Oh dear. Just reading that was making my eyes water, and I am a lassie!! You poor guys out there must be feeling a bit sick at the thought…….ouch.
9:52 pm on November 3rd, 2009
I’m from this town and I heard rumors that the guy in this story did something to odiously really piss this girl off and that they know each other. Apparently he was so embarrassed he made up this story about it being a random person.The police claim there have been no other cases. It is all unsubstantiated of course so who knows? Either way kicking a mans livelihood is never a good idea.
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