Russ Church’s Slippery Baby Boy

October 9, 2009 at 3:18 am by thinkgoat  

Las Cruces, New Mexico Have you ever had a day where you just couldn’t hold onto anything? I’ve often heard it referred to as the “dropsy’s”. And I’ve been plagued many times with this rather frustrating phenomenon. It’s almost as though I’ve coated my hands with some release coat crap for machinery or baby oil mixed with sudden paralysis of my working digits. If you’re anything like me, this occurrence is often followed with broken shit, a splattered mess, a sudden onset of a string of obscenities, and a pulled butt-muscle or two as the strain of keeping the objects air-born (and hopefully back into control) becomes so uncontrollable and your body bends and freezes in unnatural poses. But I can tell you, even though I’ve broken a shit-load of nice china due to the dropsy’s, not once…ever…have I ever had that happen while handling a child. Poor Russ Church cannot say the same.

Russ Church

Firefighters and paramedics were called to the home of Russ Church for a report of a 5-month-old with difficulty breathing. I imagine the baby was having trouble. Just upon sight, he had bruises all over his cheeks and his back. It just doesn’t take long for anyone, let alone professionals, to determine a home-life not suitable for man nor beast. What happened to the good old days when parents still beat their children but not to the point of leaving marks and getting busted? Have we just bred complete stupidity? Well, I retract that question. Certainly we have. It’s always affirmed by the excuses given for the injuries incurred.

When police were dispatched to the Church residence, they discovered that Russ was responsible for the well-being of his child while his wife was away at work. During the question and answer portion of the visit, police asked some very hard questions like: WHAT HAPPENED? The first answer Russ allegedly gave was pretty predictable. Everyone knows it’s damn near impossible to keep a baby from falling off the couch so hard they come close to fatally injuring themselves. I really wish these idiots would grasp the well-known concept: a child must fall three times their height to sustain life threatening injuries. If this was learned we’d perhaps be exposed to some new and inventive excuses…like the next couple that Russ used. After his bouncing baby boy fell off the couch, he was taking him into the kitchen to do a little bloody lip clean-up when he dropped him a couple of times. Once hitting the kitchen sink, once hitting the floor. See? Russ just had one of those days. I guess the two major hits explain the boy’s head injuries.

The 5-month-old was rushed to the hospital and then airlifted to El Paso where he’s suffering from two skull fractures and brain hemorrhaging. I guess papa Russ gets out of having to babysit for quite a while. He’s been charged with one first-degree felony count of intentional child abuse resulting in great bodily harm.

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