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James Howard Patton Likes ‘Em COLD

October 6, 2009 at 12:35 am by  

HOUSTON, Texas - I’ve been wonderin’ were my necrophiliacs been hidin’! But just when I thought they had vanished, James Patton is here representin’ the Necro Ghoul Crew. Ahem.

39-year-old James Patton’s creepy activities were discovered after police got a warrant to seize his computer stemming from harassment charges involving an ex-girlfriend. But investigators found a bit more than they bargained for when they retrieved pictures from Patton’s computer showing Patton placing his member on the foot of a nude female corpse.

They also found an image of a female corpse with the legs spread open. “I can tell you that the defendant’s male sexual organ was seen in various poses with those of dead bodies,” said Donna Hawkins with the Harris County DA’s Office. Insert all kinds of SHUDDER here.

The photos were determined to have been taken in 2004, and Patton admitted to police that he last messed with a corpse a year ago when he was employed as funeral director at the Earthman Funeral Home. He was arrested over the weekend on a misdemeanor charge of abuse of a corpse and released after posting a $1,500 bond. A spokesperson for the company that owns Earthman Funeral Home released a statement trying to convince everyone that no, really, we are not creepy and we do not condone the fondling of your dead loved ones.

The funeral home’s parent company, Service Corporation International, told FOX 26 “When the authorities alerted us to an incident that allegedly occurred a number of years ago– before Mr. Patton worked for our company– we promptly removed him from the workplace.

Seriously, though. I never quite got people who fuck around with corpses. I’m not talking about some hot chick who may have just died of alcohol poisoning, I mean, what guy hasn’t found themselves in that situation, right? But a funeral home corpse? Ugh.

Police: Funeral Director Abused Corpse: MyFoxHOUSTON.com

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  • tinaxoxo

    Hmm. This may be one of those cases where people are attracted to others like themselves. You know like attracts like, which could explain his desire for a corpse. Considering I initial mistook his mug shoot for a picture of the corpse that was abused.

  • Kdogg

    I’ve never understood the point of having sex with a corpse. How would you get any feedback?

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Morbid

    I’ve never understood the point of having sex with a corpse. How would you get any feedback?

    Who wants feedback at all? I’m in it for me, baby!

  • CassieMomma

    Dead bodies freak me out, how this guy even wants to put his “organ” on, in or around them is beyond me……uggghh!

  • adorkable

    I find this kind of action both fascinating and completely repulsive at the same time. I can never understand someone being so desperate for sex they have to resort to the dead. I mean I’ve had dry spells in the past, but sheeesh!

  • nellymed

    Wow I bet thats a bit of information his ex gf didn’t want to know… Shudders.

  • Jus Shaking My Head

    He scres corpses because living women would puke all over him!

  • defenestratethis

    Talk about a ‘dead fuck’…

  • mopar

    Can you imagine how horrified people are who’s loved ones were at the funeral home for final preparations. Don’t get me wrong I’d kill someone over most of my family but if I was already grieving and found out something like this happened I’d probably be front paged for kidnapping , torture ect… why take a chance on someone snapping who is already snapping?

  • malq

    People who fuck dead people have deep inferiorities.
    Ted Bundy admitted he liked necros because he had control. i mean really, a control freak that has to have them dead to get along. LOL

  • vxiii

    God, I will say a little prayer right now, even if Im 200 years old, Please Dear God look out over my dead body and dont let a peice of shit like this touch me after Im gone, I will wake up puking all over the place… i know Ive been a sinner but this is too much to handle…

  • Ken

    The case has been dismissed. Appears the photos were manufactured and defamation suit against ex-girlfriend is pending.

  • AlwaysInFlyoverCountry

    Interesting.

    Patton admitted to police that he last messed with a corpse a year ago when he was employed as funeral director at the Earthman Funeral Home.

    That is a helluva discrepancy. Do keep us apprised. And please give us a link to the story about the charges being dismissed.

    –Al

  • Michael

    Update: Former Houston Funeral Director James Howard Patton no longer facing charges. According to sources in Houston, case has been dismissed.

  • Eracsurfer

    Update: as AI mentioned last week… Where is the link for the story about the charges being dismissed?

    I wonder which personality will post the next response?

  • Abroad

    You show us your convincing sources and we'll show you a retraction.

    Oh, and just so we're clear: Your mother's neighbour's friend who went to school with his older sister is not a convincing source. And neither is your dreams, “Michael”.

  • boyzmom33

    oh well then….we stand corrected…..if YOU said it , it must be true???? LOL

  • Wildheart

    The only recent thing I could find about him online was a blog that mentioned there were rumours about him “viewing commercial properties in the Houston area” and announcing “plans for an upcoming lecture series on funeral and death care related topics” (including necrophilia?). The blogs were dated April 29 and May 6, 2010. Anything else referencing him was from last year and had to do with the original story…..nothing I could find about the charges being dismissed.

    http://jamespattonfuneraldirector.wordpress.com/

  • tutkill

    http://cross-examiner.blogspot.com/2010/05/form

    Sources are reporting the case against James Howard Patton, which gained attention in 2009, has been dismissed. Neither Patton, or his attorneys have been available for comment.

    I don't know how reliable this site is- cross examiner????

    this was the only thing I could find

  • Lizard

    I looked, too, tutkill, and that was also the only one I could find. Pretty lame, for the blogger to merely say that “sources” are reporting the case has been dismissed. I mean, *I* could on here and claim that “sources” are telling me that James Howard Patton has two left nuts and a penchant for sex with dairy products.

  • tutkill

    totally agree

  • Eracsurfer

    My impression is that it is slightly less reliable than the Onion.

  • http://connectingdirectors.com Mike

    Update at connectingdirectors.com. Link to dismissal document as well. Cites insufficient evidence.

  • Lizard

    Hey, Mike. You a funeral director? Cuz I can't view the fucking link without being a subscriber, apparently. Post the link to the dismissal document.

  • https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B2Nr7W8PqapcNzkwMjMyZDAtM2M4My00Y2IzLWFhYWYtZGY2NmFjMmY4MzUx&hl=en Mike

    Sorry Lizard. Let's see if my attaching ability works this early in the morn.

  • http://houstontexasobserver.blogspot.com Mike

    Guess not. There is a link on this blog out of Houston.

  • http://houstontexasobserver.blogspot.com Mike

    Trying again…link on this blog. If link will not post, it's http://houstontexasobserver.blogspot.com

  • Lizard

    Thanks, Mike. What I'm able to access is the “yellow copy” of a “Motion to Dismiss,” and said “yellow copy” is explicitly defined as the “Defendant's Copy.” (P.S. google.docs don't make it true.) Look, I'm all about cuttin' a guy loose if the charges against him are bullshit, but too many of us are aces with Photoshop, so give us a link to an official site, k?

  • Eracsurfer

    Liz, I still have trouble wrapping my head around this statement from the article…

    “and Patton admitted to police that he last messed with a corpse a year ago when he was employed as funeral director at the Earthman Funeral Home”

    True, the term “messed with” could mean alot of things, but all of them would fall under “abuse of corpse”.

  • Mike

    It's the only thing I could find. Maybe questionable, but I gotta give the benefit of doubt. Eracsurfer, I saw that too, but I have seen it quoted differently, depending on the story. I always wondered about the ex-girlfriend. Reports in Houston said she led police to him following a break-up. She led….. I think many of us have had an ex at some point, that stirred up s**t. Not saying that was the case, but could make one wonder. Hell, I thought thats what funeral directors and embalmers do..mess with corpses. Just my two cents.

  • Bigblaknigr
  • Bunnyjade

    Defamation, defamation, defamation

  • http://justiceforcaylee.synthasite.com/ shyloh

    Your name fits you well hahaha. Sorry couldn't help it.

  • Eracsurfer

    No it isn't, no it isn't, no it isn't

    Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass

  • http://www.modularhomesnetwork.com/ modular homes

    i think it is most popular site and people are visit in this site more time!

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Morbid

    Someone who identifies himself as Mr. Patton continues to contact us via email threatening a host of different things he will do if we do not remove this story. The person states the case was dismissed because of insufficient evidence and then provided us with a PDF file that's supposedly a Motion to Dismiss form. The funny part about that is the offense listed on that PDF is handwritten and states Abuse of a Corspe.

    Regardless, we are not bound to remove this post or update it. Nothing illegal has been done with this article as nothing in it constitutes libel. Mr. Patton was arrested and charged with abusing a corpse. Period. The information, aside from my personal opinions, came directly from an article written by reporter Andy Cerota and published by ABC's KTRK. An article that is still up and has not been updated with any further information.

    So please, whoever you are, feel free to keep contacting us and threatening to contact advertisers (lol…good luck with that one as we do a good enough job scaring them off on our own), but we will be more than happy to update this story whenever the news source we used provides one and not a minute sooner.

  • DogMomm

    Post those emails in the Mail Bag forum. A lot of us could use a laugh.

  • WriterOnFire

    Are you aware that he also accuses you of poor hygiene???

    http://lh6.ggpht.com/_BoYybUlZuDg/TCnGYgFKHDI/A

  • http://www.facebook.com/james.leese James Sumner Leese

    I don't know how these ass-hats get past “admitted it” on their way to make excuses for this jackass.

  • Mark

    Do you any of you agree that Ken pictured aboved is a “DEAD RINGER” for James Howard Patton with glasses on???

  • Kenfife

    giggle..you said dead ringer. I personally like the story from Ohio of funeral director abusing corpse, being naked in funeral home, using drugs and wearing dead man's jacket in front of family. What a great profession.

    http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/06/15/ohio.funera

  • Mark

    what happened to the photo Ken, ….i mean James? giggle…

  • Markblg

    The story of the guy committing suicide after screwing a chicken was better

    http://current.com/entertainment/wtf/92512718_m

  • KFDM

    UPDATE: Effective May 4, 2010 Harris County Criminal Court at Law Judge Larry Standley granted a motion to dismiss the charges, citing lack of evidence
    http://www.kfdm.com/articles/funeral-34496-dire

  • http://www.beaumontenterprise.com/news/local/corpse_abuse_charges_dropped_against_funeral_director.html J.H.
  • Eracsurfer

    And yet again, I must ask…

    How do you explain this quote, “and Patton admitted to police that he last messed with a corpse a year ago…”?

  • J.H.

    Given the dropped charges, I really don't see that an explanation is necessary

  • Eracsurfer

    So the fact that the skeevy bastard molested corpses is okay, just because the charges were dropped.

    I'm glad you can sleep at night. (Curled up next to a cadaver no doubt.)

  • J.H.

    Looks like he didn't, otherwise charges wouldn't have been dropped if proven otherwise. Sounds like you were there though, so you must know all the facts, huh? I guess if you are ever accused of anything, you'll be ok with being called guilty (in spite of facts)?

    I guess (in your world) everyone accused should be condemned? Police and others never make mistakes? People are never wrongfully accused?

    I am hoping you are more open-minded than that Eracsurfer. If someone is proven guilty, I am right in line with you. However, if charges are dropped, cases dismissed, I say give 'em a break.

  • WriterOnFire

    I can't speak for Eracsurfer, but in MY world, innocent people don't confess to creepy ass shit that they didn't do.

    The fact that Eracsurfer has so clearly asked about the confession so many times & been blatantly ignored each time speaks volumes.

    In my world anyway.

  • J.H.

    I think it is all in the media's wording, which the stories vary. I would think though, that if he really admitted to something bad, that the charges would not have been dropped. So again, it is all in the wording. I could ask a cook, when was the last time you messed around in the kitchen…see my point?

    I see your points (both), but I must ask again, if he “really” admitted to something criminal, why would the charges be dropped?

  • Sugarglider1

    Perhaps because that's not the only thing required for a conviction? I would imagine someone incompetent screwed up and didn't do something right procedurally, and this was the result.