JERSEY CITY, New Jersey – A 12-year-old girl was riding her bike over the weekend when she says she was abducted by Luigi Pandolfo, 33, and taken inside an apartment he shares with his mother. She was taken into a room, handcuffed and sexually assaulted – all the while police say Pandolfo’s mother kept banging on the locked door yelling at him. Police say that afterwards, Pandolfo moved the girl to vacant apartment behind his mother’s house, handcuffed her and returned home. When the the girl heard him arguing with his mother, she squeezed out of her handcuffs, climbed down a fire escape, jumped on her bike and peddled her ass home.

Pandolfo’s mother, who mostly speaks Italian and still wears black after the death of her husband, told reporters that the police got it all wrong and that her boy is innocent:  “Hesah goodah boyah. No onenah comesah to our homemah.” Ok, I added the “ah” parts. But she did say that, as well as explaining her son was trying to give away kittens and the girl went into the house to see which one she wanted. She says the girl was only there for 5 minutes, not the two hours the girl states.

But police found a bit more than kittens in the Pandolfo home, retrieving pornography, handcuffs and a body bag. Cadaver dogs were brought in as a precaution, but police feel that last item was more of a fetish object than a tool used in any past activity. Which is good, as I keep a few of those things handy myself. Mostly for the upcoming zombie outbreak that I will survive. I’d hate to think that keeping body bags around the house would automatically put a “murderer” label on me just because I plan ahead and do not want to stare into the face of the wife whose brains I blew out right after she hissed “brrrraaaiiiinnnnssss!”

Ahem, anyway, Pandolfo has been arrested and charged him with kidnapping and sexual assault, his bail was set at $500,000.

“You are charged with committing the act of sexual contact upon on a minor … for the purpose of sexually arousing and sexually gratifying yourself, or to humiliate or degrade the victim at the time the victim was 12 years of age,” read Judge Richard Nieto. Luckily, I do not think Pandolfo actually got a chance to do anything sexual with the girl aside from trying to take off her pants – but I could be wrong about that part. Not that he shouldn’t be charged with sexual assault for that, just info for anyone wondering what level of trauma this girl went through. She was pretty lucky.

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