David McBurnett Bruised, Battered, And Broke Hunter Morris

The poor baby. I can only hope that he is in a better place now and now knows what love really is.

When my older daughter was about 3 months old she had a really bad day. She started crying at about 8am. I fed her. I checked her diaper. I burped her and cuddled her. I rocked her. I bathed her. I put her in her swing (her favorite place to be). I tried to get her to sleep. I checked her temperature. I checked for anything that might be hurting her but nothing soothed her, she just needed to work her lungs. Thankfully I am the 2nd oldest of 8 kids in my family, babysat from age 12-17 and had plenty of baby experience. Still it was frustrating as anything. I prayed for her to stop. I begged for her to stop but in the end, she cried and wailed for most of 9 hours. Because of my experience I knew that sometimes babies need to cry. As a single parent, I had no one to relieve me for any amount of time. When the crying would become too much for me, I put my daughter in a safe place, (swing, crib, bassinet, playpen) and I would walk out to the back porch and shut the door. I could still hear her a little but it wasn’t right in my ear. I would spend 10-15 minutes outside and then go back in and rock my daughter, check her diaper, feed her, burp her or whatever else I felt might soothe her. I would spend 15-20 minutes with her and then back outside. For further relief I called some family and friends and for even more, I began sing to my daughter while I rocked her “Mommy’s putting you up for adoption. Mommy’s putting you up for adoption.” As ridiculous as it sounds, that really did make me feel better. I never did put her up for adoption, she’s 7 now and doing great. She finally stopped crying early in the evening that day. I never did find anything wrong with her but she had been a preemie who only weighed a little more than 4 and a half pounds when she was born. By 3 months I think that she was probably about 9lbs (about the size of many newborns)and I think that she really just needed to work out her lungs. It was tough but it did end and she slept better that night than she ever had before which was really a nice reward for a very long day.

My best advice for anyone dealing with a screaming baby is to make sure that their needs have been taken care of (they’ve been fed, clean and burped if necessary still, they are dressed appropriately and check them over for any injuries that might be causing any pain), if all checks out and they continue to cry and you are beginning to get frustrated, don’t feel guilty about walking away for a few minutes. Find a safe place to put them (Carseat, stroller, playpen, crib, swing, or bassinet, make sure that they are strapped in as necessary) and leave the room for 10-15 minutes. Go outside on a porch or in the yard but remain close enough to the house so that if there is an emergency you can quickly retrieve your child. If that’s not an option, place the child in his/her room and shut the door and go to the furthest room away. Turn on the stereo, MP3 player or TV to drown out the noise and get your emotions in check. This should take no longer than 15 minutes. Crying is a natural way for a baby to express what he/she can’t say and it also is a way for them to exercise their lungs. It will not hurt them and it will stop eventually on it’s own if the baby’s needs are met. You are not a horrible person for allowing a baby to cry and self soothe if you have met all of his/her needs. You are a horrible person if you injure a baby in a fit of rage brought on by your inability to deal with his/her crying.

When my daughter was a toddler and began throwing temper tantrums I would ignore her behavior as long as I could as long as I felt that she was safe. When I became frustrated by hearing her wails I would give us both a time out. I would put her in her room and I would go to my room where we would both have a chance to calm down. When she noticed that she wasn’t getting the attention that she wanted because of her crying, she would stop, usually about 5 minutes into our timeout. Then we would talk about why she was crying. If it was because I wouldn’t allow her to do something/have something then I would explain why and tell her that crying wasn’t the way to get what she wanted. Thankfully her tantrums didn’t last very long, she found that there were other more effective ways to communicate with me and that when she did it that way she was much more likely to get the outcome and attention that she desired. Again, tantrums are a natural way for a toddler to communicate. It’s frustrating for them to not be able to express their needs, wants, desires and fears in words because of their limited vocabulary. The best way to keep your toddler from having a tantrum is giving your toddler the words he/she needs to express themselves. When your toddler has a tantrum, you are not a monster for allowing him/her to cry it out as long as his/her needs have been met. You are a monster if you think beating them is the only way to get them to stop.

You don’t need the patience of a saint to raise a child, you only need to know when and how to walk away when you have been pushed to your limits.