Golden Valley, Minnesota When are these young fathers going to realize that with the release of a little sperm (oh I know, it’s a LOT of it) comes some responsibility if said sperm meets and hooks up with said egg? I thought they taught that shit in grade school. SexSEX = baby. Period. They don’t fill children’s heads with statistics, just warm, pulsating, hard facts. I realize word on the street from peers contradicts what the trained Health teachers preach, but there’s still a chance that roll in the sheets may produce a lot of crying 9 months later. And boys, it will fuck up a good time if you don’t take that seriously. If you make a baby and you tell the momma you love her, you’re good as screwed. Babysitting. The demands those babies place on you really mess with your extra-curricular activities. Just ask Willie. All he was wanting was a quiet baby so he could get his groove on a sex line. Then that kid had to up and die.

Willie Franklin

First responders were dispatched to the apartment of Willie Ervin Franklin III after he reported an unresponsive child. When they arrived, a neighbor was performing CPR on 4 month-old, Willie Ervin Franklin IV. While the responders were working on the child, the momma called and Willie told her lie #1, he woke up and the baby wasn’t breathing. Willie IV was pronounced dead at the hospital.

I mentioned lie #1. There were many more. Let’s run through the list and everyone take note of how many original excuses there are. He said he was feeding the baby and the baby went unconscious, he was taking the baby to the day care and tripped as the baby flew out of his hands and hit his head on the floor so he went back into the apartment, stripped the baby of his clothes and buried them out of fear, and finally – the baby hit his head as he rolled off the couch onto the carpeted floor. I’m not sure if it was the looks the cops were giving Willie or what it was that made him start crying. He finally stated the baby just wouldn’t shut up so he threw the baby bottle at his head which made him cry harder. Doh. Who would have imagined that?

After he allegedly chucked the bottle, wrapped the baby up in a quilt from head to toe, he rolled his son onto his belly on a pillow on the couch and marched into his bedroom to conduct a couple relaxation techniques. I thought smoking pot made people a bit paranoid but what the hell…Willie #3 smoked it up, got on the phone and called for help. Sort of. Help for himself cause obviously he couldn’t pull his pud without a little help from some sex line. There he is, high as hell, beating his meat to some fat dude with a high pitched voice. (I’m just making the dude up to fulfill a sick wish on my part)

Willie Ervin Franklin III (23) has been charged with second-degree manslaughter. And don’t worry, he’ll have plenty of opportunities masturbating to sex talk in the pen, I’m sure.

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