Cracky-Jackie’s Recipe For Murder
September 3, 2009 by Dr.Monoculous
Las Vegas, NV - Crack cocaine brings people together. Unfortunately, those people are crack heads, and not always the best company. However, if you’re already together with a heap of crack heads, there’s a good chance that you’re also a crack head. As dangerous as they are entertaining, there really is no safe place from which to watch a crack head’s strange antics. I’ve seen them scale walls, chew their way through Plexiglas and break down doors with bad prosthetic limbs. They’re kind of like zombies, if zombies asked you for change and then smeared you with their feces before you could take your hands out of your pockets. Jackie Wilridge is one of these crack heads, but instead of the standard shit-smearing and trying to sell invisible food items, Jackie attacked and robbed a fellow crack head in a Las Vegas apartment, before boiling a pot of water and scalding her to death.
“ooh-hoo, Jackie, Jackie-blue
lives her life from inside of a room
hides that smile when she’s wearin’ a frown
ooh Jackie, you’re not so down” – lyrics from “Jackie Blue” by The Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
Not so down? High as a crack-kite is more like it. It was July 3rd, and Jackie Wilridge had been smoking crack cocaine with Patricia James and others when poor Patricia did something really dumb, I mean besides the whole crack thing. She suddenly began to brag about having a large amount of cash with her. Now, I think we all know that a crack head will murder you for the fucking gum in your mouth (especially if it‘s Juicy Fruit, the crack cocaine of chewing gums), not to mention somewhere between two and three thousand dollars. Jackie and two assistant crack heads then apparently attacked Patricia, stealing her money. Most of us would probably take that cue to leave the premises, having just been mugged and all. Not Patricia. Being a crack head and harboring a general desire to hang out in crack dens – she stayed in the apartment for some time after the incident, and the two eventually began arguing. That’s when Jackie decided to put the kettle on.
A small crack head audience looked on in a daze as Jackie brought a pot of water to boil and then threw it onto Patricia James, horribly burning the woman. One witness told investigators of the flesh literally falling from James’ arms. Jackie then turned and left the apartment – I guess it’s all fun and crack until someone’s features are melted away by boiling water. Patricia finally showed up at the hospital on July 5th with burns unrelated to Independence DayIndependence Day reviews
on over 15% of her body. She died on July 7. When questioned by police about the incident, Jackie Wilridge denied having even been at the crack-warming party at all. She was arrested Wednesday, and is being held without bail on suspicion of murder with a deadly weapon.
“ooh-hoo, Jackie, Jackie-blue
what’s a game, girl, if you never lose
ask a winner and you’ll probably find
ooh Jackie, they’ve lost at sometime” – lyrics from “Jackie Blue” by The Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
Maybe they lost, but I’ll bet they never flash-boiled anyone in a crack den.
7:32 am on September 3rd, 2009
your first 2 lines (hah) are about to be my new facebook status. i’m so glad you are writing for the fp!
8:39 am on September 3rd, 2009
So it took this woman 2 days to go to the hospital??? Damn. I LOL’d at the Juicy Fruit comment. Great write-up!
9:55 am on September 3rd, 2009
That shit is fucked up! Crack is whack!
1:37 pm on September 3rd, 2009
Amen to that.
1:50 pm on September 3rd, 2009
Great write up Doc!
2:09 pm on September 3rd, 2009
LMAO. Fo’ sho’. Like, the 28 Days Later brand. I think tweekers are more Night of the Living Dead.
When I lived in the hood, we had a neighbor named Dave. Dave was a marvelously fit, black, single father who was doing a fine job raising his three children… and was also a functioning crack head. The guy was an anomaly all the way around. Anyway, we could always tell when he was high (he only got high when the kids were at grandma’s, BTW) because he would skulk around all crazy-like. Seriously – slightly hunched, knees bent, arms extended out to the sides with fingers a bit splayed like he was perpetually sneaking up behind someone. I found it oddly endearing, myself.
Incidentally, when you begin to find a crack addict’s tells to be endearing, you know you’ve been in the hood too long.
4:13 pm on September 3rd, 2009
That is a weird story. You don’t hear about too many functional crackheads. Strangely enough, the particulars of your neighbor’s crack use seem to simultaneously portray him as having both more AND less willpower than the average person. I mean, one hand, why crack? But on the other hand…Most of the time, drug-using parents who are responsible and only use when their kids aren’t around are pot users, because pot isn’t addictive and is easy to control. Crack is NOT, so maybe this guy was actually Superman, or something.
4:38 pm on September 3rd, 2009
I know it’s sick but this line made me LOL!
5:06 pm on September 3rd, 2009
Now THAT’S funny shit, Athena…
10:19 pm on September 3rd, 2009
Crack = Evolutionary back-step.
3:55 pm on September 5th, 2009
I don’t understand this:
Unless I missed something Jackie used boiling water. So now boiling water is a ‘weapon’? This is infuriating – this automatically cheapens all charges involving the use of a real deadly weapon.
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