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Oops! James Ramaglia Did it Again – This Time with Mentally Disabled Adopted Son

August 26, 2009 at 10:02 am by  

Attleboro, Massachusetts – It’s gotten to the point where I do not even raise an eyebrow when a Convicted Sex Offender fucks up, falls back into his old predatory habits and tries to stick his appendages where they don’t belong.  It happens all the time.  What isn’t common, however, is that they have new victims readily available to abuse.  Someone somewhere dropped the ball and James Ramaglia hit the sick fuck jackpot.  Even after serving prison time for child rape, Ramaglia was able to adopt a mentally challenged teen boy and was once again back to his pervy ways.

ramaglia Oops! James Ramaglia Did it Again This Time with Mentally Disabled Adopted Son

James and Linda Ramaglia

Ramaglia adopted the teen boy even after serving 4 1/2 years in prison for molesting his other two children and was currently on probation.  The now 19 year old boy, who has the mental capacity of a 12 year old, confided to his brother that their father had been molesting him since he was 16.  Reports indicate that Ramaglia performed sexual acts on the boy, forced the boy to perform acts on him and showed him male pornography.  By male, I am assuming they mean homosexual male pornography.  At some point during the abuse, Ramaglia told the boy that he was abusing him because his wife did not satisfy him.  Of course she didn’t, asshole.  If you get stiff at the thought of a teen boy, chances are a sexually mature (albeit beastly) woman is not going to make you happy.

Ramaglia’s wife, Linda, knew about the abuse and just turned her head.  Either she is also mentally delayed in some way, or this asshat had them all convinced that it was their duty to make sure he got off on a regular basis.  Anyone with half a brain would know that if he was really that hard up, a $2 crackwhore would have made it a non-issue.  Unfuckingbelieveable.

The boy’s adopted brother alerted police and Ramaglia was arrested and charged with three counts of rape, incest, indecent assault and battery on a mentally disabled person and displaying pornographic material to a minor.  Shortly after, Linda Ramaglia was arrested and charged with assault and battery upon a disabled person and allowing reckless endangerment of a child for her failure to do anything about the abuse.

Authorities are still trying to figure out how this boy came to be in the home of an RSO, but the Department of Children and Family Services is not commenting.  There is an investigation though.  The biological mother of the boy doesn’t understand either and says “I trusted these people to watch over my children and they betrayed my trust. I’m glad justice is being served. My son does not deserve this.”

Lady, when you can give me a good reason why YOU were not the one caring for him, I’ll give a fuck about what you say.  Until then, keep your trap shut and get your 15 minutes somewhere else.

Oops! James Ramaglia Did it Again This Time with Mentally Disabled Adopted Son
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  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Ramaglia adopted the teen boy even after serving 4 1/2 years in prison for molesting his other two children and was currently on probation.

    Just how in the fuck does that happen?

  • CassieMomma

    Authorities are still trying to figure out how this boy came to be in the home of an RSO, but the Department of Children and Family Services is not commenting.

    Oh imagine that, hmmm no comment. Yep you fucked up royally this time and I hope you get screwed over big time. No reason this boy should of had to go through this, none at all! Before DCF fucked up though, his wife did by not even saying anything in the first place. I’m glad they charged her and I hope she pays as much as he does!

  • qtrluna

    I’m reading this stunned – didn’t anyone do a background check??? There are so many people accountable for this boy’s violation it’s ridiculous. It’s unbelievable that this monster was able to legally get his paws on another child. Sick, sick, sick. He should never have been let out of prison for the FIRST rape.

  • ceisdsgil

    Lady, when you can give me a good reason why YOU were not the one caring for him, I’ll give a fuck about what you say. Until then, keep your trap shut and get your 15 minutes somewhere else.

    Sometimes, CPS/DFACS/WTFEver wanna be child protective agencies will take a child from a home, and declare the mother unfit, then place the child for adoption.. despite the mother going through the entire process to try to get her child back, if she fails even *one* part of the process, she loses her kid forever, and it’s all nice n legal like. i think CSP/DFACS is fucking despicable and those so called social workers are a joke.

    Since we don’t have all the facts on why mom doesn’t have custody.. let’s try not to get too judgmental of her. She might not have been able to care for him properly and thought she was doing the right thing by giving him up for adoption.

    ~ceisdsgil

  • biteme

    Department of Children and Family Services is not commenting. There is an investigation though.

    Again & again CPS or by any other name loser agency fails again & again
    They investigate themselves cause that’s what they do, find no wrong doing on their part
    they are never responsible And by that; they must mean they are totally irresponsible
    Yeah this pedophile is a loser, but GOD DAM CPS fed him his victim.
    This is the only agency that the slightest amount of competence gets raves and accolades
    Everyone jumps up and down like it’s the greatest thing when they actually do their job. They rave about their success when they actually do the minimum, they get paid to do it’s a great success story. What a crock full of shit loser agency.

  • Rotten Apple

    Video added

  • Rotten Apple

    Since we don’t have all the facts on why mom doesn’t have custody.. let’s try not to get too judgmental of her. She might not have been able to care for him properly and thought she was doing the right thing by giving him up for adoption.

    I find it really hard to believe that an agency that will allow a child to be adopted by a registered sex offender will take that child from a perfectly capable loving home. Seriously, isn;t one unfit home just as good as another? Barring some sort of terminal or debilitating illness, I can’t think of one reason why they would choose this family over the biological mother. CPS’s main goal is family reunification. Period.

    Plus anyone who goes through adoption proceedings knows it is a very thorough process. The homestudy alone involves a criminal background check and letters of recommendation. This is done by an agency independent of CPS.

    Someone somewhere REALLY fucked up. But I am not gonna feel sorry for a perfectly healthy biological mother who can not or will not take care of her own child with all the resources that are out there, but will show up after the fact and act outraged because SOMEONE ELSE failed her child. She brought him into this world. She did not give him up at birth. The failure started with HER.

  • Boughtthefarm

    As far as I am concerned, this fault lies entirely with whoever the hell failed to do the background check at the Adoption Agency. There is a reason these sick mother fuckers have to register…..there is a reason felony convictions follow them for the rest of their lives! JesusHChrist!!

    BTW all be it = albeit

  • biteme

    The real failure as usual was CPS, we don’t pay or hire the mother to do her job
    But we sure as hell pay the loser administrators at CPS to do their incompetent loser jobs
    As they fail over & over again taking no responsibility for those failures and collecting my taxes, their paycheck.

  • Rotten Apple

    Let me make something clear. My main issue with the mother is her coming out after the fact and acting all indignant. If you can’t take care of your child, you can’t – I get it, just stay in the background like you are supposed to. Speaking to the media after the fact rubs me the wrong way.

    As far as I am concerned, this fault lies entirely with whoever the hell failed to do the background check at the Adoption Agency. There is a reason these sick mother fuckers have to register…..there is a reason felony convictions follow them for the rest of their lives!

    I thought the same thing. You have to turn that paperwork in to the courts before the adoption is even considered, much less approved. I will say, I searched and found NOTHING in the sex offender registry under this guys name, Massachusetts or National, so the failure could go even further back than we think.

    BTW all be it = albeit

    That’s what I had, but my spell check kicked it back and I threw the story up as you see it.

    I mean…I don’t know what you are talking about. ;)

  • Rotten Apple

    The real failure as usual was CPS

    biteme- I’ll give you CPS in this one case, but I will not allow you to place the blame solely on them. Familiarize yourself with the adoption process. There is more than one agency here responsible for putting this child in this position. There are multiple agencies and people involved…all making money off of the process.

    Unless this adoption was completely informal of course. Then we have a whole different set of people to blame.

  • ceisdsgil

    Someone somewhere REALLY fucked up. But I am not gonna feel sorry for a perfectly healthy biological mother who can not or will not take care of her own child with all the resources that are out there, but will show up after the fact and act outraged because SOMEONE ELSE failed her child. She brought him into this world. She did not give him up at birth. The failure started with HER.

    Thank you, so much for judging me…. This is exactly what happened to my with my youngest.
    I fought with the state for 4 yrs, to get custody of my child back. I failed a psyche eval because they decided it was important to do it *right after they took her*. I did everything that was asked of me, and then some. I made every visitation session, and all the while battling my own demons. 2 yrs later, they decide ‘Oh, let’s do a bonding assessment’. My lil’ girl was 3, when they took her away. By the time they got around to doing the bonding assessment, she was already calling her foster mother ‘mom’..1 hour a week visitation, isn’t enough time to maintain a healthy bond with a child that young. I wasn’t permitted telephone calls, and the only visitation I could have with her, was supervised. In the first foster home she was in, she destroyed something that belonged to the foster mother.. Do you know that she wanted my child out of her house that night?

    Children go into foster care for all kinds of reasons. If mom’s in rehab and the sperm donor is nowhere to be found… Foster care is available. Or if the mother is ill either mentally, or physically, say fighting cancer… and has no family to speak of.

    You were quick to judge the mother, when you know very little about her. You assumed facts, not yet in evidence. I didn’t read anywhere in that article that the mother is a healthy woman…that just didn’t want to take care of her child.

    The true failure in this, was the adoption agency, for not doing their job thoroughly.

    ~ceisdsgil

  • Rotten Apple

    Thank you, so much for judging me….

    Again. My issue was with her coming in from the background and talking to the media.

    I will say this though, CPS does not get involved in healthy households. Most parents live their lives never being contacted by CPS at all.

  • biteme

    The wife’s also been charged, everyone’s going to get blamed except the teflon agency that investigates itself CPS, what a joke. No accountability, no responsibility, no supervision, impossible to get fired, they just collect their paycheck and pretend nothing happened, on to the next irresponsible not their responsibility failure

  • redsaid

    I am also wonderin’ if this guy was released back into the home with the 2 children he originally molested? And did the wife take him back after his all-too-shot 4 ½ years? I saw the brother who reported him in the video. He looks old enough to be out of the house by now, but was he still living there when his daddy-dearest came home? Don’t know the age of the other son but I hope they were both able to get out before he came home. The brother obviously had enough contact with the boy for him to confide in his brother. That must have been a horrifying conversation. This story is so confusing to me. How this sick fuck got out in 4 years? How he still has contact with his other 2 kids? How the wife let this happen? (Maybe she’s one of those types that would invite another person being victimized so she isn’t the recipient?)
    As for the bio mother, I don’t know why she gave her kids up. But if she did it voluntarily, she may have had a good reason. And if she had a good reason, then she did the right thing to give them up. Who knows yet. But if I was unable to care for my kids due to something that came up mid-life, and this happened, I would die of guilt. Hell, if I didn’t have a good reason and this happened, I would be guilty as well as die of guilt. I wonder if she feels responsible at all?

  • NoWhining

    Let me make something clear. My main issue with the mother is her coming out after the fact and acting all indignant. If you can’t take care of your child, you can’t – I get it, just stay in the background like you are supposed to. Speaking to the media after the fact rubs me the wrong way.

    RA – I’m along the same lines with you. I brought a child into this world and he became the most important thing in the world to me. Not drugs, not a penis, not past demons. My focus was on him. When you have children, you’re supposed to give up your self-centered ways and focus on them. I did have it tough though, being a single mother – eating a lot of Mac n Cheese and Top Ramen (can’t even look at the stuff now).

    I never had to worry about my kid being taken away by anyone. Now, if I had gotten some kind of termial illness and couldn’t take care of him, then that’s a differnt story.

    I somehow doubt the bio-mom in this case is suffering any life-threatening disease. And if she is, I’ll be the first one to retract!

  • halfwaythere

    I find it really hard to believe that an agency that will allow a child to be adopted by a registered sex offender will take that child from a perfectly capable loving home. Seriously, isn;t one unfit home just as good as another? Barring some sort of terminal or debilitating illness, I can’t think of one reason why they would choose this family over the biological mother. CPS’s main goal is family reunification. Period.

    ROFL! You seriously believe that?
    I’ve NEVER had my children taken into protective custody, but I know people who have; or rather I know children who have gone into CPS custody. It’s all bs. They take them from one abusive situation and put them in a more abusive situation. It’s not ONE example I’m basing my opinion on, but several.

    I am sure there must be someone somewhere who has had a positive experience with CPS [and by 'someone' I am refering to the children seperated from their families, because IMO they are all that matter] but from my viewpoint the only thing CPS protects are the jobs of social workers; somebody’s got to employee them.

  • Janelle

    This is unbelievable! What a tremendous FAIL by DCFS!! And I agree that while of course the bio-mom should be horrified, the fail started with her for not taking care of her own child – I hope we don’t hear next that she tries to sue and make money off her son’s suffering, even though she gave him up. DCFS and the disgusting perv and his disgusting wife need to be held accountable! I’m so, so, sorry for the poor guy. Being given up for adoption, only to face this nightmare – so horrible, and it was so totally avoidable!!

  • halfwaythere

    RA – I’m along the same lines with you. I brought a child into this world and he became the most important thing in the world to me. Not drugs, not a penis, not past demons. My focus was on him. When you have children, you’re supposed to give up your self-centered ways and focus on them.

    I am a single mom too. I consider myself lucky to have never been involved with CPS. I put my children above EVERYTHING and still do [they are now grown]. But…

    I’ve seen a child taken from a single mother because she didn’t have anyone to care for the child when she was admitted to the hospital, she had to go thru hell to get that child back. I have seen a child taken from a single mother because she was in a domestic violence shelter; it’s considered temporary housing and therefore unstable. Heck, I’ve seen a child taken from an unmarried single mother because she never filed for custody.

    When I worked as a feature reporter I interviewed foster parents, I even had CPS pick out the cream of the crop. All the foster parents did was whine about not receiving enough compensation from the state, complain about children being dropped off at all hours with no cloths or toys, and snivel about the children themselves.

    I’m not saying that children shouldn’t be removed from clearly abusive households. Every single story I’ve seen posted on this site makes that point clear. I’m just saying CPS ain’t the sh*t and not all parents who have had children removed from their home earned it for being self-centered.

  • Deety

    All the foster parents did was whine about not receiving enough compensation from the state, complain about children being dropped off at all hours with no cloths or toys, and snivel about the children themselves.

    I’ve looked into fostering kids here in California, and I got the impression that foster parents get $650-$750 a month, per kid.

    I don’t have any kids yet, but this seems reasonable to me. Are kids really that expensive? For $1400 a month I think I could feed and clothe a couple of kids who showed up with nothing but the clothes on their backs.

  • biteme

    I don’t have any kids yet, but this seems reasonable to me. Are kids really that expensive? For $1400 a month I think I could feed and clothe a couple of kids who showed up with nothing but the clothes on their backs.

    You don’t have to do any of that, it’s not like CPS will come back and check to see if the children are still there or even alive.

  • Veronica

    1.

    I’ve looked into fostering kids here in California, and I got the impression that foster parents get $650-$750 a month, per kid.

    I don’t have any kids yet, but this seems reasonable to me. Are kids really that expensive? For $1400 a month I think I could feed and clothe a couple of kids who showed up with nothing but the clothes on their backs.

    Unfortunately, there are some people out there who view their foster children as little more than a source of income. They aim to take in as much money as possible and use as little of that money on the children as possible.

    This same thing happened to me, except instead of foster parents, it was my own mother and her boyfriend who manipulated me at 12 years old and threatened and harassed my dad into letting her have custody, and instead of the state, it was my dad paying and it was never enough for them. They eventually were receiving $1000 a month and the only thing they ever bought for me was food. My dad and grandmother still had to pay for everything else, clothes, school supplies, everything. Looking back, it was a big red flag that my mother was suddenly so interested in having me move in with her, as she barely acknowledged my existence for four years before that, after my parents divorced. I think what foster kids go through, however, is often much worse than that. At least I still had caring family members elsewhere.

  • Veronica

    I will add that during this whole time, I was mentally and verbally abused by my mom and eventual step-dad, and yet again, what many foster kids experience is probably much worse even than what I went through. I really empathize with them, even if my situation wasn’t quite the same.

  • redsaid

    Veronica, am am sooooo sorry for what these folks did to you. I hope you heal well and quickly.
    red

  • NoWhining

    I was in foster care for the 1st 4 months of my life. Not from abuse, though. My mother simply couldn’t take care of me and decided to place me for adoption. Unfortanutely, I was not suitable for adoption, at first, because I was sick.

    Back in the late 60′s, white babies were a dime a dozen and only one home check was pretty much the norm. I was placed in an abusive home. It was pretty bad and that’s all I have to say about that.

    Myself and my siblings, however, moved on to have successful careers, jobs, homes and did NOT repeat any cycles of violence with our own children. Who knows why? Statistically, we should be a mess.

    I don’t know why my mother (adoptive) even bothered to adopt me only to have them treat me the way they did. People are just fucked up and that’s the way it is.

    Sadly, too many adoptions/fosters end up like this.

  • biteme

    Some of these people are no deferent than animal hoarders, it’s sicko, some for the money
    and some do it out of the goodness of their heart and want to make a deference. Guess it’s the luck of the draw where you end up, sure as hell not up to CPS they just roll the dice and never come back so they don’t see any problems and have to do any paperwork.

  • redsaid

    And to you NoWhining, sorry about your situation too. But congratulations for surviving and breaking the cycle!!! Not easy, but ya’ll did it. I love a happy ending. You guys must take a special interest in stories like this. Me too, can ya tell ;)

  • Rotten Apple

    I am an adoptive mother and I know tons of fine foster & adoptive parents. I also know many adopted ADULT children who would not change anything about their lives. They had very happy childhoods.

    I live in the south and I see these foster parents take money out of their own pockets to make up the difference in the cost to care for these children.

    The only “bad” incident I’ve seen with CPS was when biological family who did not even try to make the visitations to the child the entire time they were in CPS custody…we are talking a couple of years, showed up and protested when they tried to make the child available for adoption to the foster parents. A child was taken away from the only parents they have ever known in the interest of reunification, to be put with a biological uncle she had never met in her entire life. Really, how many chances does an adult deserve to get? Do we sacrifice the chance of the child to have a normal healthy life so that an adult who has made the wrong choices gets another chance?

    We have quite of few very caring and loving foster parents who are members of this site. Do we discount all their hard work and dedication because we have a couple of fuck ups in society?

    We all have our anecdotes. My experience is most people that work in children’s services, foster parents and adoptive parents are good people who work hard.

    I do not know ONE person who has had their children taken into CPS custody. Not ONE. I have a very large family and circle of friends. From the sounds of some of the comments on here, statistically, I should know at least 10. We are lucky social workers aren’t snatching kids out of their beds while we sleep.

    Sorry, I believe that there are plenty of people out there that do not do their jobs like they need to, but I refuse to believe that the entire system is a huge conspiracy to fuck up normal healthy families. It’s just not my experience.

    ’ve looked into fostering kids here in California, and I got the impression that foster parents get $650-$750 a month, per kid.

    I don’t have any kids yet, but this seems reasonable to me. Are kids really that expensive? For $1400 a month I think I could feed and clothe a couple of kids who showed up with nothing but the clothes on their backs.

    I don’t know about California, but in here, that would not be enough to cover a kid. Its $500 for daycare/afterschool care a month alone…unless you stay at home with them. Then you have to worry about living expenses like rent/mortgage and utilities. Then there are groceries, etc. Taking the kid to required doctor appointments, etc. Its not an easy undertaking to be a parent. Its even harder to parent a child that is not yours and may very well have many emotional problems.

  • NoWhining

    I do not know ONE person who has had their children taken into CPS custody. Not ONE. I have a very large family and circle of friends. From the sounds of some of the comments on here, statistically, I should know at least 10. We are lucky social workers aren’t snatching kids out of their beds while we sleep.

    Funny. This is exactly what I thought when reading some of the comments. I know a lot of people – in my community, business circles and social circles. I know no one who has ever had children taken away or even had visits from CPS. It isn’t just “dumb luck” that there are no children I know who have gone through the CPS system. And I think I better just leave it at that!

  • Veronica

    RA, I certainly didn’t mean to suggest that all or even most foster parents are assholes just using the kids for the money, simply stating that I empathize with kids who ARE put into a bad foster situation because of the way it parallels my own life. Honestly, though, there are probably many foster parents I would have taken over my own mother! So it’s definitely not all black and white.

    My reason for addressing bad foster parents at all is because this particular story is about a bad foster family, I don’t think that’s the norm.

  • Veronica

    Veronica, am am sooooo sorry for what these folks did to you. I hope you heal well and quickly.
    red

    Thanks, redsaid. It’s been 12 years since that whole nightmare began, and fortunately I’ve been able to move on and be relatively satisfied. I think because of the way I was treated and the way I had my childhood basically robbed from me, I am choosing to wait to have children until I’ve accomplished certain things for myself, like grad school and extensive travel. I’m waiting because I know that when I DO have children, they WILL come first in my life. I will never be like my own mother (though simply not having a personality disorder is all THAT really took!). It’s all about being self-aware enough to break the cycle.

  • NoWhining

    Thanks, redsaid. It’s been 12 years since that whole nightmare began, and fortunately I’ve been able to move on and be relatively satisfied. I think because of the way I was treated and the way I had my childhood basically robbed from me, I am choosing to wait to have children until I’ve accomplished certain things for myself, like grad school and extensive travel. I’m waiting because I know that when I DO have children, they WILL come first in my life. I will never be like my own mother (though simply not having a personality disorder is all THAT really took!). It’s all about being self-aware enough to break the cycle.

    I know this is getting off topic here but, do you have contact with her now?

  • NoWhining

    We all have our anecdotes. My experience is most people that work in children’s services, foster parents and adoptive parents are good people who work hard.

    And ps. I’m told my foster mother was so bonded to me and distraught over losing me, she quit fostering infants after me. She had also left several notes and calendars for my adoptive parents, which I still have. I tried getting her contact info later on as an adult, but to “protect her privacy”, DSS would not give me the information. I thought it would have been so cool to meet her and show her how well I had turned out. Ok. Gettin’ teary eyed now. Gotta go..

  • mjkforever

    I’d like to add a different spin to some of the comments made here.

    When I was 13, I ran away from home. I was a rotten teenager. The police would find me and bring me back home and I’d just run away again. And again. Finally the judge got tired of seeing my delinquent ass and assigned DCFS for a home visit. They found nothing wrong, no signs of abuse, etc. They went so far as to pretty much say “wtf is wrong with you, your home life is ideal.” I ran away one too many times and the judge made me a ward of the state. I was placed in various group homes and temporary foster homes until being placed in a permanent foster home with a wonderful woman until I turned 18.

    My point is – my mother wanted me. She was a good mother (albeit old-fashioned and ruled with an iron fist) who made her two children top priority in everything she did. My being removed from the family home had absolutely NOTHING to do with her. I was wild and out of control, simple as that.

    I’m obviously not saying that applies to the birth mother in this situation since I don’t know her. I’m just saying that there are always other circumstances to consider before assuming the birth mother was a loser and/or didn’t want her kid(s).

  • Veronica

    I know this is getting off topic here but, do you have contact with her now?

    Actually, no. I did for a good long while and was extremely forgiving as far as I (and other family members) are concerned, but the woman is a raging narcissist and you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. We haven’t spoken in almost 2 years because when I was in town for Christmas 2007, I didn’t pay her an ADDITIONAL visit soon enough. Yes, I had already seen her and when I called her about dropping by again she rejected me because I should have come “sooner.” And she STILL won’t let it go. She has, however, written me several long, rambling, extremely nasty and insulting emails. That is what she’s like. She is also absolutely convinced herself that not only was she an excellent mother, but even some sort of martyr who made all kinds of sacrifices for me only to treated atrociously by her only, evil spawn. The woman is deluded — she doesn’t have a motherly bone in her body. Life is too short to deal with that crap. It takes only a cursory knowledge of psychology and a bit of time with her to realize that she has a raging personality disorder with both histrionic and narcissistic qualities, with an emphasis on narcissism.

    ps — sorry, not trying to turn this into personal therapy, guys! I just thought it was somewhat relevant to the discussion. :)

  • SickenEd

    Veronica.. First off, let me start by saying how terribly sorry I am that you had to go through this. NOBODY deserves that kind of childhood.. Secondly, I think it’s fair to throw things like this in at times.. Kinda helps the rest of us understand where the other person is coming from when discussing certain topics. I’m glad you are well now, and must say you are a far more forgiving person than me, and I truly admire that. Hope all the rest of your life treats you well :)

  • NoWhining

    V – Good for you for seeing through all the bs for what it is. Sometimes you just have to let people alone to wallow in their own crap rather than let them bring you down. These people thrive to pull others down – whether they gave birth to us or not!

  • Veronica

    Veronica.. First off, let me start by saying how terribly sorry I am that you had to go through this. NOBODY deserves that kind of childhood.. Secondly, I think it’s fair to throw things like this in at times.. Kinda helps the rest of us understand where the other person is coming from when discussing certain topics. I’m glad you are well now, and must say you are a far more forgiving person than me, and I truly admire that. Hope all the rest of your life treats you well :)

    V – Good for you for seeing through all the bs for what it is. Sometimes you just have to let people alone to wallow in their own crap rather than let them bring you down. These people thrive to pull others down – whether they gave birth to us or not!

    Thanks guys. I too like to hear people’s personal stories as it lends a different perspective.

    And I agree with you, NoWhining, sometimes you just have to let toxic people go. I’m not saying I’ll never speak to my mom again, but the ball is definitely in HER court, and even if I do let her back in, she’ll be on thin ice indefinitely, I’m afraid. She is one of those people who thinks the fact that I popped out of her womb gives her the right to treat me however she sees fit, and she is also under the mistaken impression that she is OWED respect simply for giving birth to me. I don’t think so.

  • redsaid

    We can’t choose our family (mine’s still all fucked up) but thanks the heavens that we can choose our friends.

    I also ran away several times until I was 14 and finally then I was gone until I was 16. I found good people and good friends who took me in, each for a period of time. I only decided to go home when street life started threaten my life. I was very lucky in that I was able to come to terms with my dad. It took a long time but when he died we had forgiven each other and loved each other very much. So rare. Doesn’t mean I don’t have scars, they never heal. But I got past them enough to have a great relationship with my dad. (he quit hitting me, but he could still make me cringe)

    SickenEd;
    .. Secondly, I think it’s fair to throw things like this in at times.. Kinda helps the rest of us understand where the other person is coming from when discussing certain topics

    I couldn’t agree more.

    V and NW: really, I am very happy you to have become happy adults. It truly makes my day. It is stories like yours that become therapy for me. Success stories = one scar healed.

  • NoWhining

    V and NW: really, I am very happy you to have become happy adults. It truly makes my day. It is stories like yours that become therapy for me. Success stories = one scar healed.

    I can’t speak for V, of course, but she seems to be of the same mind set.

    I just simply decided early on that this (the way I was raised) was not normal. I also never really felt like a victim. Oh maybe as a young child I wondered why this all was happening. As an adult? I’d be damned if I was going to let what these people did to me, dictate what I did with my life.
    Why would I destroy my life just to show them?? Seemed silly to me. Made no sense.

    I get so sick of people saying “well, my dad was a drunk, so I am, too:..or “I was raised in filth, so I don’t know any different.” “My dad beat me, so I beat my own kids.” The list goes on and on. I hate, hate, hate these kinds of excuses for bad behaviour.

    Anyone CAN rise above adversity. Is it hard? Yes it is. But anything worth having is worth working hard for.

    I always like the story of the man and his twin sons. The father was a long time loser; always in and out of prison. One son was a successful accountant, with a home, a wife, children, 2 cars in the driveway, etc.

    The other son was a criminal and always in and out of prison.

    The son in prison was asked:”Why are you constantly in trouble and in prison?” He responded, “Well, with a father like I had – what do you expect?”

    The other son was asked:”How is it that you earned a degree, own a beautiful home, have a wife and children, etc.?” He responded, “Well, with a father like I had – what do you expect?”

    It’s all about choice.

  • redsaid

    Touche’ Sometimes choice was all I had. I chose to mend my ways, dad chose to mend his,and we chose to love each other. Happy ending.

  • granny-g

    On the subject of how did this PERV get this child?????
    I am now going through hoops with DFACS to gain custody
    of four children. My husband of 26 years and I have had
    to take drug test, background check, home visits and have
    supervised visits every few weeks.
    These are things we are willingly doing, and if they ask more
    we will strive to accomplish whatever to get these children.
    We have done nothing wrong, they are not our children.
    They are our grandchildren.
    We are going throug an extream process to get our very
    loved grandchildren out of foster care.
    We have been at this for 7 months now.
    I cannot understand how this “family” was able to get this child
    unless someone dropped the ball. They gave custody to a complete
    stranger with out looking into his life???
    We have had our lives disected and put on display and we are the grandparents.
    Also I must comment that not everyone that takes custody of
    children is in it for the money. To assure that our grandchildren
    can have a childhood. To be certain they know that they are loved
    and cherished no matter what we are pretty much choosing to give
    up retiring and raise them as they deserve.

  • runnergirl

    What. The. Fuck. Epic FAIL on everyone involved!!

  • NoWhining

    Touche’ Sometimes choice was all I had. I chose to mend my ways, dad chose to mend his,and we chose to love each other. Happy ending.

    That’s excellent! And a lot better than the alternative.

    Peace,
    NW

  • Abroad

    Did they just decide they didn’t need to take as much care with the screening process because this young man was mentally challenged? When I think about the intrusiveness of the adoption processes I have had a chance to witness through friends and relatives………

  • Radly

    Probably a stupid question, but could the Department of Children and Family Services be charged with something as well?

    This shit is ridiculous.

  • biteme

    10:06 pm on August 27th, 2009
    Probably a stupid question, but could the Department of Children and Family Services be charged with something as well?
    This shit is ridiculous.

    NO! because DCF or by any other name, is a teflon agency, that investigates itself and never finds itself culpable of any wrong doing, no reprimands, no firing, just on to the next “NO fault” disaster. it’s amazing how dysfunctional CPS or whatever name, no accountability, no responsibility, unsupervised chaos, Never learns from their mistakes because they don’t have to, they’re untouchable. Administrators collect their paycheck your taxes and answer to no one. Caseworkers claim to monthly visit people that’ve been dead for years and when found out they’ve been falsifying paperwork are they fired NO! Some actually got promoted. Their self investigation didn’t find any wrong doing!
    LOL! What a sick joke CPS is. When an agency investigates itself there is no accountability.

  • biteme
  • Pamela

    I work for an agency that is contracted by the Massachusetts DCF to oversee foster care placements throughout the state. The minors that we work with are considered “intensive,” meaning that they have pervasive medical and/or psychosocial issues that make placement in a typical foster family difficult.

    Foster families go through an extensive and lengthy screening process that includes a check of the criminal background of all family members over the age of 14. There is an interview process and references are checked. There is a home inspection to ensure that the home is suitable in terms of safety and upkeep. Potential foster parents are required to attend more than 30 hours of training before they are considered ready for placement.

    As providers of support, we are required to make weekly visits to the home. These visits typically last at least an hour. The social workers are also intensely involved to ensure that the child gets the supports (medical, psychological, educational) he/she needs for a successful placement.

    Reunification with the bio family IS the goal of all placements. In some cases, it’s clear that reunification probably won’t happen, but as service providers we are required to foster the parental relationship through all reasonable means even if those means are invasive to the bio family (supervised visits, etc.).

    I can tell you that it’s a sad business. There are children out there who are horrifically abused in ways that would curl your hair if you read the case files. There are also cases where the custodial parent has a mental health issue that is so pervasive that they simply don’t have the ability to care for themselves and their children. In this regard, it’s not a case of the parent not wanting the child(ren). It’s usually quite the opposite.

    My understanding in the case is that the Department of Corrections has some role in okaying the man to be in a home with children as long as he stayed away from the children he originally assaulted (information from the rumor mill in the human services industry in Massachusetts, so this is not confirmed). Agencies such as the one I work for have a small amount of latitude to ask for a waiver to allow people with old criminal histories or prior DCF involvement to become foster parents (i.e., a potential foster parent had a DUI 20 years ago and has had no other criminal activity since then may be considered for service). These waivers must be approved by DCF.

    When thinking about this situation, I am torn. While sexual abuse is clearly reprehensible, being aware of sexual abuse and not reporting may be even more unforgivable.

    There are thousands of foster care placements in Massachusetts. I am not excusing what happened here because it’s inexcusable. However, I think you have to consider that most of those other thousands of placements are successful and the children are not subject to any type of abuse.

    PS ~ To answer someone’s question: In Massachusetts, intensive foster care parents are paid $50 per day, which covers feeding and housing the child. Each child also gets a quarterly clothing allowance. I believe that typical foster care pays approximately $20 per day.

  • biteme

    Pamela

    Glad you’ve worked hard and had successes, you probably work in a medium to high income area
    Like I’ve said many times, if DCF employees where supervised and administrators held accountable and did what they get paid to do we would have many more successes stories.
    The success stories shouldn’t be marveled at they should be the norm. One of my main issues has to do with the deference in acceptance DCF has with issues involving tax paying well to do adults and no income food stamp children, the higher the tax bracket neighborhood you live in, the more involved and diligent DCF is. If you can afford a high end lawyer DCF will make sure they place your child properly and visits are made regularly while you fight their removal of the child you can bet all rules will be followed. If you’re low income and unable to create real problems for DCF, they ignore the standards no one seems to give much of a dam about that crack heads baby, just place it anywhere and never bother going back for the required visits, that crack head can’t create problems for DCF or employees anyhow. Unless somehow some reporter finds out the baby’s been dead for years and the foster parent is still collecting, than it’s a real tragedy and DCF is so overworked, but if the baby disappeared but the foster parent stopped collecting the checks, no one cares especially DCF

  • Pamela

    The placements we have are from all income brackets, but primarily from parents who are not wealthy (or even middle class). Being poor doesn’t mean that a person is going to be an abusive/neglectful parent. However, wealthier people have access to supports such as childcare that probably make parenting easier. Further, I think it’s safe to assume that dealing with issues of poverty adds stress that makes good parenting more challenging.

    I don’t think our agency is that unusual in that we require our social workers to make weekly visits to the foster home (the DCF requirement for vendor agencies), regardless of the bio-parent’s economic status. I oversee the program, so ultimately it’s my responsibility if something happens to a kid in our care & I take that responsibility seriously.

    IMHO, success stories are the norm. There are about 10,000 children in foster care in Massachusetts, but you don’t hear about most of them because they’re in successful placements. And while the placements are successful, for some kids, you can’t undo what’s happened to them & their circumstances plague them for life (I’ve seen some stuff that makes me want to vomit when I think about it).

    Despite what I’ve said here, I think you’re right ~ there is ALWAYS room for more diligence and more accountability. Sadly, more accountability won’t fix what happened to this young disabled man, but maybe it would lead to more thorough screening of foster care parents and increased/effective communication between DCF and the Department of Corrections.

  • Anonymous

    I’m tired of our stupid ass justice system.
    not only did the man do almost 5 yrs in prison
    for raping his own children,
    but he was then able to somehow ADOPT a mentally challenged boy?
    come on.
    how pathetic is our justice system and when the fuck is anyone going to do anything about it?
    it’s sad but i know people who’ve gotten twice that sentence for possession of pot.
    makes me sick every time.

  • Anonymous

    and the bastards wife is missing a couple of chromosomes ha

  • Hello_Polar

    I just wanna say it's great to hear of people like you (& your siblings),
    and I'm glad you could b a successful person despite your surroundings.
    That's really what makes a difference in people.
    We all have bad experiences but it's what we learn and
    take from them that ultimately matters the most!