Cape Girardeau, Missouri is a town of a little over 37,000 stretched along the banks of the muddy Mississippi River. One would think, with the town’s dynamics: for 100 women there are 86.9 males, men really wouldn’t have to fight for females! I mean seriously…unless there is an abundance of ugly ones out there. And what is with the 86.9 figure? I’ve never quite understood how they arrive at that, until now. I suppose, when someone looses a body part, that’s taken into account? And if that’s so, the ratio should now reflect something like 100 : 86.8 after some poor dude lost his ear lobe due to a little jealousy!
Police were dispatched a little after midnight to a call of a possible stabbing at Hackberry Apartments and observed Christopher Beal (23) chasing his male victim around some cars in the parking lot. I presume the game ended when they arrived – either because Beal didn’t want them to join in the fun or perhaps one of them wasn’t having a good time and was looking for a amicable way to quit playing. And upon questioning, the officers found out the latter was true.
Beal allegedly arrived at the apartment of his victim, followed him inside, and found what he expected, the object of his desires. He allegedly displayed a butcher knife but the quick reacting couple worked as a team and managed to push him out of the door. Anybody who doesn’t frequent the Dreamin’ Demon would think that would be that. But no! Christopher really wasn’t one to give up so easily and began knocking loudly on the window. The victim (who’s name hasn’t been released) went outside, like a dumb-ass, and got into a physical altercation which resulted in both of them falling to the ground and Beal sucking on his male victim’s ear. Okay, not really sucking, more like nibbling. Well, not really nibbling, biting. Hard. Enough to leave an ear lobe on the ground.
Christopher A. Beal was charged with felony assault and burglary. I’m not sure where the burglary charge came in, maybe he tried to steal the lobe? Steal the girl’s love? The report certainly didn’t specify. But we do know the lobe was found but doctors were unable to reattach it. And if my predictions are correct, Cape Girardeau male ratio will decrease by a fraction.
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