George Vera Was Carrying a Congealed Weapon
August 12, 2009 by Dr.Monoculous
Houston, TX -Let me start this one by declaring that I have nothing against morbidly obese people (except usually, both of my elbows in a movie theater). I can handle the crumbs, excessive sweat and even the ‘almost-brought-the-plane-down’ antics. They really mean no harm – we’re all just trying to survive, right? We do the best we can with what we’ve got. However, when what you’ve got is 500lbs and a handgun – well then you’re just a criminal. And a fat one, too. Things are bigger in Texas, and George Vera is no exception. The 25 year old was arrested in Houston for suspicion of selling bootleg CDs (bootlegging is so 1996 – and who buys CDs anymore?).
George Vera
When arrested, the man burst open, firing sweaty bootleg CDs in all directions. Nah, only kidding, but the police did search Vera at the scene of the arrest, finding nothing. He was taken to the county jail and searched again, where understandably less than enthusiastic authorities again found nothing. Well, somewhere between a rousing delousing and a squeaky fart that surely made some poor jailbird wish like hell that he had taken the top bunk, George-porgie remembered that he was carrying a 9mm handgun.
No one is sure at this point whether Vera hid the gun deliberately or merely mashed the weapon to his body while rolling around in his own home. He admitted to having the gun during a shower break, which means someone knocked it loose with a fire hose while Vera struggled like Kong against his floor shackles. When you get out, Mr. Vera, maybe you should try using your abilities for good. Or maybe you’ll just come and give me a well deserved black eye. And a fat one, too.
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8:37 am on August 12th, 2009
He looks like an obese woman with a ’stache. Ick.
9:00 am on August 12th, 2009
Eek, I thought this was my Aunt Norma.
9:34 am on August 12th, 2009
I thought the same thing. I glanced at his pic before I read the story and had to read the details to find out for sure…..Gross!
10:30 am on August 12th, 2009
“No one is sure at this point whether Vera hid the gun deliberately or merely mashed the weapon to his body while rolling around in his own home.”
This line absolutely cracks me up…. Keep up the the funny write ups. I look forward to reading this site every morning
10:39 am on August 12th, 2009
Can’t. Stop. Laughing! OMFG! Great write-up, Dr. M!
12:27 pm on August 12th, 2009
ICK…I thought this was a woman with a tashe too…DAYUM them was some rolls of fflab!!
4:40 pm on August 12th, 2009
This made me LOL
I thought he was a woman too!
11:03 pm on August 12th, 2009
A 9mm in his rolls. WTF? When I first heard this story I imagined roll call with both police officers and corrections officers being lectured they have to frisk those who are alittle bigger more carefully. I can see the ‘grossed” out looks on their faces. LOL.
8:00 pm on August 13th, 2009
You had to have gotten the name assbackwards, that’s surely Vera George!
Truthfully, I am happy no one was seriously maimed or killed by the 9mm!
9:33 pm on August 13th, 2009
LMAO, looks like we all thought this one was female.
Can you imagine what kinda frumunda jelly roll cheese that gun had to have on it? Where ever it was can’t possible have seen light in years to kill off the fungus.
R
5:16 pm on August 14th, 2009
he’s been looking for that gun for weeks!
5:53 am on September 13th, 2009
Thats whats cool about being fat, you dont need a purse or a backpack.
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