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Where Have All The Satanists Gone?

August 9, 2009 at 12:05 pm by  

Ponchatoula, Louisiana – I miss the 80s. I miss Max Headroom. I miss that Sheena Easton video with all the Universal Monsters in it. I miss toys with kung-fu grips and cock-punching action when you squeeze their legs together. I also miss all the full blown Satanists. Don’t you? Remember the enchanting days when Geraldo Rivera attempted to warn us about the black-hearted fiends running about in cloaks, abducting our juvenile news carriers, encoding vile messages into our music and poisoning our Halloween candy? The Satanic Panic. Ah, nostalgia.

If I passed Paula Cole on the street, I might ask her ‘where have all the Satanists gone’? Of course, I’m just as likely to make a crack about her hairy goddamned armpits and then run away, but I digress. Last year, Louis Lamonica, a former pastor of the Hosanna Church in Ponchatoula, Louisiana, was sentenced to four concurrent life terms for having sex with his two sons. Another church member was sentenced to three life sentences for systematically abusing his daughter until she was 5. A third pleaded guilty to sexual battery of the same girl and received a 10-year sentence. A fourth awaits trial.

This case began about four years ago when allegations of child sexual abuse were made by a woman who supposedly fled the Louisiana parish for Ohio. Soon thereafter, Louis Lamonica simply walked into the Sherriff’s office and told the police about having sex with at least two boys, from the time they were 4 until they were 12 or 13, as well as having sex with a dog. The ensuing investigation turned up a journal detailing the sexual abuse of children from infants to teens, and the use of animal blood in what appeared to be a wee bit of occult dabbling. The case bares similarities to many of the satanic ritual abuse (SRA) cases throughout the 1980s, even the infamous McMartin preschool scandal from California. Don Wall, the assistant district attorney prosecuting the case was familiar with former SRA cases, and decided to keep the prince of darkness out of court this time, helping all involved to take the case seriously and put the offenders away.

Hold on, what the hell happened to my Satanists? Did they slip through the cracks of the “me” decade along with Underoos and New Coke? Did they steal away in the night with our children between two slices of sourdough? Or did Don Wall finally get it when he said, “Worshipping the devil is not illegal. Child molestation is. That’s what I focused on.” Way to take all the fun out of an old fashioned witch hunt, Donnie. By finally prosecuting the crime and not a lifestyle choice, dangerous child-predators are behind bars and we, as a society, step out of the dark ages and into the light. But c’mon Mr. Wall, you could’ve at least splashed some holy water on the fucker.

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Where Have All The Satanists Gone?
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20 Comments

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  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Morbid

    I do miss the days when simply wearing an Iron Maiden T-Shirt would strike fear into the hearts of the middle-aged. When simply drawing a pentagram on the foundations of a train track trestle would have the local news scurrying out to the location to warn the masses of the rise of Satanism in their neighborhood. Scaring adults back then was just so easy.

    The Geraldo specials, as some of you can see from the video I added, were a blast. I loved the church back in the ’80s when they focused on the subliminal messages embedded in metal to turn Little Johnny into a Satan worshipping zombie who will kill you in your sleep, to the evils of Dungeons and Dragons and how it would turn the most normal person into a neighbor sacrificing loon. Even the Smurfs were not immune. Like Harry Potter today, Smurfs were just a way for Satanist to indoctrinate young children into the world of magic and witchcraft. And let’s not forget about Proctor and Gamble.

    Thanks for the article Dr., and the memories. :P

  • Lazlo

    Wow! Great article. Can’t believe you miss Max Headroom though, LOL. That whole era sent me scrambling back onto the offerings of the past generation, and deep into the metal of the time. Shock value, man! Keep ‘em coming Doc! I loved it.

  • http://www.myspace.com/llkoolk The Masked Web Avenger

    I feel bad for kids today. When they wear outlandish stuff and make wild statements we just kinda snicker at them now days. You could really freak the old folks out back in my day.

  • Lazlo

    The ones where suits and business haircuts are the ones that freak me out, lol

  • rdb40k

    Ahh the 80′s. When Mtv actually played music videos, everyone was saying “spash one, splash two” from seeing Top Gun too many times, and the best part is when I joined the Army because I had nothing else better to do.
    Ahh the 80′s….

  • rdb40k

    Don’t mean to go off subject, what’s with this gravatar thing. It says its free, but I’m a little unsure about joining. If I do join up, they will hit me with some hidden fees and it will take an act of God and a 12 page essay on why I want to quit their service. So can anyone enlighten me on this service.

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Don’t mean to go off subject, what’s with this gravatar thing. It says its free, but I’m a little unsure about joining. If I do join up, they will hit me with some hidden fees and it will take an act of God and a 12 page essay on why I want to quit their service. So can anyone enlighten me on this service.

    It’s free…nothing hidden. You simply register, upload a picture, do a bit of croppin’ and you’re good to go. Sometimes, it does take a bit for your avatar to show on the site. :)

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Oh, and by the way, welcome to the Dreamin’ Demon Dr.Monoculous. Great write-up!! :)

  • Dr.Monoculous

    Wow – I love and actually remember the Geraldo clip you guys added. I was forced to attend Baptist school in Virginia back then, and the fundamentalists there along with Geraldo and Donahue really hammered the whole Satanist thing into our heads. That, and what a peninsula was for six and a half years. Evidently the lesson plan called for scare tactics, the singing of hymns and nothing less than the complete and total memorization of the geographical features of Virginia’s tidewater region. I think I stopped breathing there for a few seconds, about mid-rant.

  • CassieMomma

    the subliminal messages embedded in metal to turn Little Johnny into a Satan worshipping zombie

    Hey that only happened if you played it backwards :P

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Hey that only happened if you played it backwards

    I ruined so many needles that way. :)

  • Moonlight

    The reason you don’t hear about Satanist and SRA is because it was a myth, or more precisely, a “social panic”. Most of the cases reported back then (such as the McMartin preschool scandal) didn’t even happen, and when there was child abuse, it had nothing to do with Satanism.

    The Church of Satan is a real, but fabricated thing with no history, only going back more than about 1966, which models itself off of Watchcraft and Wiccan practices, but confuses Pan (as seen in your graphic at the front page) with Satan. Satan is a Christian invention, and doesn’t exist in pagan religions. Witches do not worship Satan, and they don’t practice SRA. In fact, Satanist don’t practice SRA either. The church made that part up.

    It’s all too easy to blame the hideous things people do to one another on Satan, but it’s just people being people… the rest is a fairy tale. I mean look at all the Catholic priests abusing young boys. Was that due to Satanism?

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Morbid

    Thanks, Moonlight, but the entire post was tongue-in-cheek.

    I cannot speak for others, but I was a teen during the Satanic Panic hey-day, and even then we all new it was bullshit. :) We just enjoyed scaring the adults.

    I can still remember a friend of mine, who had an extremely religious mother, would always pull this trick on her where he would act possessed by a demon and then flop around on the floor. Then, with his eyes rolled back in his head, he would hold his breath. She would freak out and we would die laughing when he could no longer go without breathing.

    Most of the time, this would happen when she would come into the room we were in to tell us the Ozzy album we were listening to was produced by Lucifer himself.

  • Syre

    Wow Morbid. That’s terrible… and funny as hell! We just invited the Jehovas Witnesses who came a’knockin back to witness the goat sacrifice and enjoy some cool-aide. A tried, but true method to get that nice red mark on their maps.

    As for the article, good stuff. See, every once in a great while, people can surprise us with a bit off common sense.

    “Worshipping the devil is not illegal. Child molestation is. That’s what I focused on.”

  • redsaid

    Great write up! I remember those times too. As for the whole satan-lovin’ thing, those guys at my school were lovin’ the ruckus they caused. None of that music had anything to do with worshiping anything but sex, drugs and rock and roll. They were the best to party with! I still listen to those songs! Ozzy lives!

  • Dr.Monoculous

    Moonlight is right. Abuse is abuse, period. I just miss the atmosphere, that’s all, like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. On that note, I think the idea of a Tooth Fairy is highly satanic.

  • Moonlight

    Thanks, Moonlight, but the entire post was tongue-in-cheek.

    I kind of figured as much, but I was having a “discussion” on another forum where this guy was swearing up and down that this stuff was really going on, and he knew “victims” etc. I just can’t believe that people believed all that crap.

    I cannot speak for others, but I was a teen during the Satanic Panic hey-day, and even then we all new it was bullshit. We just enjoyed scaring the adults.
    I can still remember a friend of mine, who had an extremely religious mother, would always pull this trick on her where he would act possessed by a demon and then flop around on the floor. Then, with his eyes rolled back in his head, he would hold his breath. She would freak out and we would die laughing when he could no longer go without breathing.

    Oh God that’s too funny!

  • shadowman

    You know. “Satanic Panic” is not buried that deep in the past. What about The West Memphis Three?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    lol! I was one of the kids that was told the “truth” about Smurfs. (They are Demons.) The Brady Bunch was perverted filth. My cousins weren't allowed to read Harry Potter books. It was fascinating stuff. I wish I could remember all the stuff I was told as a kid but i smoked way too much pot before becoming a Christian again.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    Great job! I just about peed my pants when I read the comment about making a crack about her hairy pits!