Altamonte Springs, Florida Why is it that some of the best stories originate in Florida? I mean, some of the most idiotic crimes and excuses are from Floridians who don’t seem to have an ounce of common sense. Is it intense sun? Perhaps a study should be conducted regarding the constant smell of coconut butter and the affects on the typical ass-wipe’s brain. And having lived a few miles from the Florida State line in a resort town, I understand how just about anything goes. Everyday is like parade day. You surely know what I mean. People pulling the stupid stunts like walking out in front of traffic expecting the drivers of the vehicles to realize the world stops because they’re eager to get to the beach, etc. People wearing ridiculous clothes or the morbidly obese people sporting the tiniest bathing suits. (well, tiny on them) I came to the conclusion while living down there, the police really do put up with a lot of crap and look past a great deal as well. Except when it’s a nude guy making a get away on a bicycle after being chased by the father of a 14 year old girl.
Jose Torres was spotted by police peddling his happy ass down State Road 436 which is no country road. We’re talking 2 lanes going each way. Thinking nude bike riding was somewhat out of the ordinary, they decided to see what was going on with Jose, where he was heading, and where he’d been. And lo’ and behold, Jose told them where he’d been. He just left out a few details as to why he was moving in the other direction. Upon arriving at the disclosed location, the police found the pissed off father of a 14 year-old looking for the very naked soul the police apprehended.
This father had allegedly entered his apartment, made his way into his daughter’s room, pulled back the covers and witnessed this 23 year-old being all cozy with his daughter. With fists flying, Jose was able to escape the grasp of this man, made it onto his sexy mode of transportation and hauled ass (and everything else but his clothes) on down the road. The father had not placed a call to 911 yet for he had lost his cell phone, I imagine in the scuffle. Plus, I bet he was hoping he had enough time to find Jose and attempt to knock that funk off his face. I mean, what the hell is that shit growing on there? Had the father been able to place the call prior to the police already apprehending him, I don’t think there would have been many problems finding someone fitting that description. Naked on a bike, ugly as hell with an alien beast invading the right side of his head.
Jose Antonio Torres was charged with sexual battery on a victim under 16 and is being held in the Seminole County Jail with a bail set at $25,000. I seriously hope they get that poor girl some therapy after being under the covers with that.
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