Do Not Cheat on Rachel Ferrara, Even with Yourself
July 16, 2009 by Rotten Apple
LaCrosse, WI – Rachel Ferrara has a very low tolerance for infidelity. Though honestly, “low tolerance” may be an understatement and Rachel’s definition of infidelity is probably one of the most stringent I have ever come across. When Rachel returned home from work to find her boyfriend watching porn and, how can I put this – slapping pappy, shucking bubba, engaging in the five finger knuckle shuffle, doodling his noodle, wrestling the eel, oiling the pogo stick, jerkin’ the gherkin, burping the worm, choking Kojak, boppin’ the bologna, playing tug of war with cyclops – she felt a wee bit slighted. What happens when you slight a crazy bitch? You got it. Punches get thrown and people get cut.
Rachel Ferrara
According to the police report, Ferrara came home to a front door chained from the inside. She yelled at her boyfriend inside to open the door. His response of “no” only peaked her curiosity and when she asked what he was doing and his reponse of “nothing” only made her want to know more, she pushed the door open. What did she see? Well, loverboy was on the couch with some porn on the television and his johnson in his hand. Upon closer inspection, Rachel realized that not only was he watching porn on HER television, but he had HER computer hooked up to it and was chatting and mutually masturbating with someone from the intarwebz. Hawt!
Ferrara ran at her boyfriend like a bat out of hell and punched him twice in the gut and kicked him in the groin. She called him a “fucking cheater” and at some point made it to the kitchen to get a knife. Her boyfriend, wanting to talk it out, followed her only to be called a cheating fuck once again and then stabbed in the abdomen. After a couple more slashes to the wankers forearms, she allowed him to get his wallet and screamed at him to leave. He then drove himself to the hospital where he was treated and released.
Ferrara was placed under arrest for disorderly conduct while armed and recklessly endangering safety.
Guys, if you are gonna indulge in some self love while your significant other is at work, please, pay attention to the time. No one wants to see that. Also, if you are gonna use the internet and some cybersexing skank to help you get off, don’t be an idiot and put that shit on the television where anyone who walks in the room can see what you are up to. Discretion is the key. Learn it. Live it. LoveLove reviews
it.
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9:33 am on July 16th, 2009
I’d be upset too (about the webcam stuff), but clearly not THIS upset. I wonder what she would have done if she caught him doing this with another woman in the house. o_O
9:54 am on July 16th, 2009
Me…. now this is just me…. I would of sat there and laugh then kicked him out, finding him like that must of been embarrassing for him as well (especially if the wee wee is sized challenged). Women…. we cannot allow men to destroy us mentally we gotta be strong never ruin yo life because of some man stab him for a porno now the web thing especially the stuff belonging to her it is kind of hard to swallow but thats why you shouldn’t allow the first motherfucker that sweetens you up in your domain!
hope she get her shit together
10:13 am on July 16th, 2009
He wasn’t just watching porn, he was chatting with someone online and basically having “phone sex” or web sex or whatever with another person. Im not saying she isn’t a crazy bitch, and I certainly wouldn’t react like that, but I would have been pissed too. The first paragraph made it sound like she was just mad at him watching porn and jerking off.
10:21 am on July 16th, 2009
The first paragraph made it sound like she was just mad at him watching porn and jerking off.
I thought the same thing…. I wonder if he think it was worth and if the jerking cyber partner got to see her fucking him up through his/her cam
10:29 am on July 16th, 2009
There was no cam. It was just porn and chatting.
And most of the news stories covering this only say he was watching porn, as that is HIS story. Her story, from the police report, is that he was chatting and she saw the IM’s. She also left out most of the parts where she stabbed him and stuff too though.
10:33 am on July 16th, 2009
So no cam thats wack then lol how you cyber masturbate without a cam….. I guess this topic is not my “forte”
10:39 am on July 16th, 2009
His friends will never let him live this one down!
10:49 am on July 16th, 2009
Wow, I Encourage my husband to masturbate, it is less that I have to do
All kidding aside, I wouldn’t have stabbed him, I just would have ended the relationship immediately. If you are going to wack off, probably best you do it alone. hahaha, sorry.. this one is funny and I can relate to it…somewhat.
What happens when your boys become pubescent? Your lotions come up missing, you find paper towels in the corner room…and they take longer showers! I have learned to hide all of my body lotions and hair conditioner… I swear, they (males) will do anything to get off.
10:56 am on July 16th, 2009
Oooh, lol. Instead of not letting her in (which probably added fuel to her fire) he could have invited her to join the ‘fun’.
11:04 am on July 16th, 2009
I’m really not sure what to say……hmmm
12:07 pm on July 16th, 2009
^Something must be lacking in the bedroom if you look at sex like a chore.. I suggest hitting up a novelty shop to spice up your senses a little bit.. You look fairly young to be dreading doing the no pants dance..
And Rotten Apple – You do have a vast knowledge of masturbation lingo.. Very impressive..
12:35 pm on July 16th, 2009
Oh, I would be severly pissed too. He locked her out of the house and didnt bother to quit when he knew she was home – how disrespectful. The stabbing was a bit toooo far but I do agree he deserved the kick in the groin!
1:53 pm on July 16th, 2009
Yeah, it’s all about priorities… Cheap porn and IM, or the real thing? Then keeping the real thing locked out of the hosue? Methinks there’s problems in this relationship that just now “came to a head”.
The dude deserves a couple knowledge bumps just for being a retard, though.
2:54 pm on July 16th, 2009
Damn all this time I thought Tweety Bird was friendly.
3:11 pm on July 16th, 2009
burping the worm!
HAHAAAAAAAAA~!!!
3:23 pm on July 16th, 2009
OMG! She DOES look like tweety bird!
Someone needs to talk to her hair colorist.
3:36 pm on July 16th, 2009
I’m pretty sure her “colorist” is a box of Nice N’ Easy box haircolor and a pair of rubber gloves.
4:32 pm on July 16th, 2009
I asked my husband when we got married if he was still going to masturbate, he of course said “no, are you?”. I said “of course I am” And if he wanted to masturbate, I would welcome him to do this in front of me. Who cares if ya touch yourself?
7:38 pm on July 16th, 2009
Have I told you how much I love you Rotten… oh the strange conversation interjections I’m going to foist upon people…
I really don’t see the attraction of talking to some dude watching porn & describing his *ahem* gear-shifting…
Also… picturing this is my mind is awesome… poor dude, not even done yet, he should have yelled that no one was home, instead of just “No,” it wouldn’t have worked any better, but it would have been even more entertaining.
7:49 pm on July 16th, 2009
i tawt i taw a mawstwowbatwow. i did! i did!
8:20 pm on July 16th, 2009
Great thread,
I jerked off to it. Twice!
11:27 pm on July 16th, 2009
^Something must be lacking in the bedroom if you look at sex like a chore.. I suggest hitting up a novelty shop to spice up your senses a little bit.. You look fairly young to be dreading doing the no pants dance..
Ummm, guess you omitted the part that said, “ALL KIDDING ASIDE”????? lol, nothing is lacking in our bedroom, except a select sleeper bed
lol
But thanks.
9:36 am on July 17th, 2009
@Dneilz – I apologize to you.. I shouldn’t be “Dr Philing” you on your personal life anyway..
I’m sure you have a healthy all around relationship..
1:03 am on July 20th, 2009
[...] Busted with a camwhore. O the horror. [...]
4:01 am on July 22nd, 2009
Quite frankly, I would feel this sick feeling in the pit of my gut and would just tell him to pack his stuff and leave! What a person does in private is one thing, but to hook-up with the computer and the television in the living room and yank yourself off on the sofa (where I like to nap), you are just a disgusting slob! I’d say “Good Riddance” and send you the bill for cleaning my sofa.
8:45 pm on July 31st, 2009
Does this count as a “Crime of Passion”? I mean – if he was chatting/camming in a sexual nature with someone else while masturbating – in my eyes, that is cheating. To say otherwise is like saying a blow job isn’t really sex.
This guy was hiding it from her and denying her entry into her own home! All so he could keep pullin’ his pickle! That’s wrong! No way does it excuse what she did – but it certainly goes a long way towards explaining it and garnering a little sympathy from me – especially if he wasn’t having sex with HER. Damn, that’s insulting!
Great write up!
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