Lake Ozark, MO- Spousal abuse is never funny. When I hear stories like this one, the first thing that comes to mind is how much I’d like to rip the perp a new one. Then I have to sit back and calmly sip the coffee SoJaded pours while I watch thinkgoat poke her finger in each doughnut to find the freshest one, and try to come up with an interesting twist to the article. It gets difficult sometimes, especially with a dictator like Morbid, who refuses to unlock our staff room door until everyone in his harem has produced something of quality that will entice your senses and get you to leave a comment or two. The power he has over us is strange, and may need to be investigated, but I will say that if you saw us foxy bitches in real life, you would consider him to be one helluva lucky bastard. So, here is the story. Let’s hope he lets me out of this crazy room before Unamused and RottenApple get bored and start photocopying their nether regions on the copier again.

Wendell Arnold

On Wednesday afternoon, 49-year old Wendell Arnold, who reminds me of a cross between Senator Kelly from X-MenX-Men reviews and Silas from the Davinci Code, was arguing with his 50-year old wife as he drove near Osage Beach. At some time during the argument, Arnold assaulted his wife, so she got out of the SUV and decided it was safer to walk. Disliking his wife’s decision, Arnold drove  behind his wife and intentionally gave her ass a lift (airborne style). He struck her from behind with his vehicle which hurled her into the air. To rub salt into her wound, Arnold then ran over his wife’s arm while she was lying on the ground.

WitnessesWitnesses reviews called 911 and told Arnold not to touch the woman, but he scooped his wife up, put her into the SUV and drove off. His vehicle was located a short time later in a nearby parking lot by police. Arnold’s wife was lying on the ground nearby with some serious injuries and was taken to a hospital for treatment where she was listed in serious, but stable condition. Arnold, being the pussy that he is, did the boot-scoot boogie and fled the scene. He was located near a local mall and charged with first-degree assault. Suh-prise…Suh-prise! Court records show Arnold has pleaded guilty in the past to domestic assault, as well as driving without a license and aggravated driving while intoxicated. He has also had multiple protection orders filed against him in April and May, although the online records do not show who filed the requests.

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