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Steelton, Pennsylvania–I love stupid people. Not in my personal life, mind you, but stupid people in general. They bring me hours upon hours of entertainment. When I’m having a bad day, I just flip the switch on my computer, pour a steaming hot cup of coffee, put my feet up, and surf the net. From the safety of my own home, I can read about their idiotic antics and feel better about my own life. I sleep easier at night just knowing that I will never be quite as stupid as some of the humans walking this planet. Let’s talk about the epic fail of Eugene Green.

I have, on more than one occasion, been *gasp* pulled over by the police. I know, hard to believe, right? Anyway, I have spent hours in conversation with officers trying to talk my way out of a ticket. One time, I even cried. I would say that begging and pleading worked about 75% of the time. Now, Eugene Green managed to talk himself into some pretty hefty jail time. How? Well, like this…

Eugene and his buddy were driving around Tuesday night when he was pulled over for following too closely. The trooper who pulled him over must have been feeling a little generous that night…he was going to let Eugene go with a warning. He handed back his license, registration, and all that other crap and told Eugene he was free to go. If Eugene had at least 2 brain cells knocking around in his cranium, he would have left it at that. But nooooo…on his way back to his vehicle, Eugene mentions to the officer that there is a marijuana cigar in his ashtray that his buddy had smoked earlier that evening. If that wasn’t stupid enough, he then gave the officer permission to search the vehicle…without a warrant. InsideInside reviews the vehicle, Trooper Justin Hope found six 2-ounce vials of liquid PCP. The buddy who smoked the pot earlier in the evening? He wasn’t charged. Since Eugene, 22, had a raging case of diarrhea of the mouth, he was hauled off to the hoosegow, charged with possession of PCP and ordered held on $250,000 bail. The genius has prior convictions for felony drug possession, assault, and, ironically, providing false identification to police. Yeah…I’m sleeping real good tonight.

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