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Perplexing Penis Puppet Predicament

May 24, 2009 by Jaded  

Filed under: Crime, Drugs, Featured, meth 

Federal Way, Washington–I must admit, I have a very vivid imagination. Too vivid. When I come across stories like this, they play out in my head, over and over, in high def…whether I want them to or not. It’s a curse. Shit like this keeps me up at night, my brain buzzing with questions. My biggest question, in this case, is…Timothy, do you take your little show on the road? I’d pay handsomely if you would show up at my upcoming family reunion.

Erm...self-explanatory. Kinda.

Erm...self-explanatory. Kinda.

Residents of the Arcadia Apartment complex in Federal Way called police on May 13 with complaints of a nearly nekkid dude standing outside over an air-conditioning intake. Here’s where the imagery comes in…ready? Dude was standing there, clad in nothing but an unbuttoned flannel shirt, ‘manipulating his penis with a string.’ Manipulation as in, he was a one-man penis puppet show. Was he making it sing? Dance? Recite ShakespeareShakespeare in Love reviewsShakespeare in Love reviews? I have no idea…authorities remain tight lipped on the dirty details. When police arrived to arrest the member manipulator, he still had the string attached to his schlong. Another story that proves I’d never make it as a cop…my suspect would have bolted while I was rolling around on the ground pointing and laughing.

Timothy Wayne Martin, 44, and his puppet pal were hauled off to the slammer. He was charged under the state’s felony indecent exposure statute due to having two prior convictions for similar crimes. He was also found to be in possession of methamphetamine and a pornographic magazine. Bail was set at $25,000. Timothy, really, take my advice…make up some flyers, find a small venue that will host you, and call it ‘Theater Night’. You’ll make thousands hundreds a few bucks. (While researching this story, I learned something new–never, ever do a GoogleGoogleGoogle image search with the following words–string dick, penis puppet, or man meat manipulator. Some things just can’t be un-seen).

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Comments

15 Comments on "Perplexing Penis Puppet Predicament" make up the 115,823 total comments on Dreamin' Demon.

  1. malq
    9:59 am on May 24th, 2009

    Be sure to show this story to your kids to make an example out of people if you do meth.
    tweakers must have a game called fishin, or walk the puppet or some weird shit.

  2. silvahalo
    10:24 am on May 24th, 2009

    Thanks Jaded, I can’t get the puppet, string-penis image out of my head now.  Thing is, he probably would make a buck or two, people will pay for to the damnedest things….uugh.

  3. Morbid
    11:11 am on May 24th, 2009

    Is it sad that if he threw in some good ventriloquism, that I would have watched?

  4. FlamingFox
    11:39 am on May 24th, 2009

    For some strange reason, I now have the Purple People-eater song stuck in my head w/ a vision of Timothy’s puppet dancing to it.

  5. Special2bme
    12:25 pm on May 24th, 2009

    Morbid: Is it sad that if he threw in some good ventriloquism, that I would have watched?

    LMAO

    silvahalo: I can’t get the puppet, string-penis image out of my head now. Thing is, he probably would make a buck or two, people will pay for to the damnedest things….uugh.

    I can’t either silva but you know what, it is funny as shit thinking about it and everytime I do I am ROFLMAO.

  6. DogBitez
    1:10 pm on May 24th, 2009

    The curse of the Wayne middle name strikes again! Putting Wayne on your child’s birth certificate, as his middle name, should be made illegal (in the same way you can’t use numbers in your baby’s name). Otherwise, he’s highly likely to grow up to be a serial killer, rapist, bungling burglar, or peter puppeteer.

  7. LeeMouse
    2:02 pm on May 24th, 2009

    I saw Puppetry of the Penis in London several years ago.

    http://www.puppetryofthepenis.com/

    Maybe he was doing the road show version?

  8. Wolf_of_Mars
    3:51 pm on May 24th, 2009

    Maybe he imagined himself as a circus performer, and this is what came outta the fuckin’ clown car…

  9. So Jaded
    6:28 pm on May 24th, 2009

    I will gladly pay $10 for this guy’s mugshot…

  10. tutkill
    7:09 pm on May 24th, 2009

    I bet his best friend (penis puppet) is named Wayne. 

  11. jenjen0135
    11:26 am on May 25th, 2009

    FlamingFox:
    For some strange reason, I now have the Purple People-eater song stuck in my head w/ a vision of Timothy’s puppet dancing to it.

    OH DAMN!!! Now it’s in my head.  Thanks.

  12. CassieMomma
    10:27 am on May 26th, 2009

    ummm why?  That is some weird shit…..

  13. mommacrazy30
    2:05 am on June 3rd, 2009

    jeeze, all i see are penis puppets now…thanks ya’ll, prichate id….the entertainment here is sooo classy…lol

  14. What Do Ya Know, Stupidity Does Hurt - The Dreamin' Demon
    8:20 am on June 4th, 2009

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  15. Jonathan Lowell's Landlord Doesn't Suck - The Dreamin' Demon
    1:56 am on July 16th, 2009

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