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Kayla Newton Is Dim

April 16, 2009 at 4:06 am by  

Kayla Newton

Kayla Newton

Fort Pierce, FloridaSome people are so insanely stupid, that I find it hard to believe they can manage to walk and breathe at the same time. Take Kayla Newton, for example. She needed some quick cash to free her boyfriend, Roy Dillard, from jail. Speaking in code, over the jail house telephone, Kayla and Roy hatched a plan to buy his freedom.

We’ll start at the beginning…Roy Dillard, 20, was arrested March 19 and charged with grand theft of a firearm, home invasion robbery with a firearm, impeding power or telephone communication to a dwelling and aggravated assault on an elderly person. Roy pistol-whipped an elderly man, fired two shots, and took off running. Police later found him hiding out in the woods. In his possession was a stolen .22-caliber handgun, mask, glove, shirt and a pill bottle. His bail was set at $500,000.

Kayla was missing her man and was wracking her brain trying to figure out how to come up with the money necessary to free him. Last month, Roy had mentioned to his mother that he had hidden some ‘blues’ in the wooded area where he was apprehended. Kayla started planning.

Any time you pick up a jail house phone, you get a recording that informs you the call is being recorded. Kayla and Roy are aware of that fact, so they started speaking in code. She was heard asking Roy where he had hidden a ‘shoe’ that could help hire an attorney for him. ‘Did your mom tell you I went on a scavenger hunt?’ she asked Roy. I need more clues Roy. The shoe could help you, Roy. You need to give clues. Half would get you what you need.’ The ‘shoe’ that Kayla was referring to was actually a stash of 17 oxycodone pills. I don’t know what OC’s sell for in Florida, but Kayla thought it would be enough to hire an attorney for Roy.

Roy, not being very bright either, gave his girlfriend the directions. ‘Make a right off of dead man’s curve, it’s underneath the little fucking dirt curve walking through the trail,’ he said. ‘That’s all I can tell ya Kayla. You’re gonna end up in here with me.’ Prophetical….

Armed with directions, Kayla set off to find the stash. She was oblivious to the fact that the cops had the same set of directions. She found the hiding spot. Imagine the look on her face when she discovered the pills were gone. In their place, a sheriff’s office business card with a detective’s name on it. Gotcha!! That would have been the ultimate Candid Camera moment.

Kayla had to deliver the bad news to her man. Roy then told Kayla that the only thing she had accomplished was to cause more charges to be placed on him, ‘Those pills carry a lot of time, Kayla,’ said Roy. ‘I was only trying to help, Roy,’ replied Kayla. Yeah, Roy! Ungrateful fucker!

Kayla Newton, 21, was arrested Tuesday on a conspiracy to sell or deliver oxycodone charge. She was released Tuesday from the St. Lucie County jail on $15,000 bail.

Roy’s Myspace proclaims, ‘LoCk3d Up…aT tH3 RoCk 4 a MiNuT3…’ And Kayla’s Myspace says, ‘FREE MY BABY…I LOVE YOU!!!’ Isn’t that sweeeeet? Kayla, just a tip, mommy to mommy. Take care of your kid and let your adult boyfriend lay in the bed he made, K? To the detectives? Good one!

Here’s Roy, looking all beat up and sad-faced…

Roy Dillard

Roy Dillard

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  • malq

    Good God
    She is a bit of a tard isn’t she? $500k bail means a bond would be $50,ooo
    So 17 pills at $2941ea , yeah that will do it. Good thinking. Doh!!  Talking code at a jail. ha! any way to get those transcripts? Now that would be funny!
    Good one SJ

  • http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=446437751 FlamingFox

    Imagine the look on her face when she discovered the pills were gone. In their place, a sheriff’s office business card with a detective’s name on it.

    LOL! That is sooo fucking priceless!

  • http://www.myspace.com/lost_faerie sanityslipping

    That was one tough code to break! Half a shoe can get you a lawyer? Wowza. I’ve come up with better codes w/o even trying.

  • Lizard

    You know all the officers involved in this case are going to be telling this story for years. Officer of the Year award to whoever came up with the idea to swap the pills for the business card!

  • Jury

    Just because I am LOL Roy does not mean you have to cry. 

    Stop looking so sad in your booking photo.  Home Invaders should be given life.

  • Insomniac

    Holy shit this is hysterical.  People this stupid deserve each other.

  • CassieMomma

    She probably just wanted to eat them herself.  Regardless did they really think they were that smooth???  too funny!

  • Stella

    malq: Good God She is a bit of a tard isn’t she? $500k bail means a bond would be $50,ooo So 17 pills at $2941ea , yeah that will do it. Good thinking. Doh!!  Talking code at a jail. ha! any way to get those transcripts? Now that would be funny! Good one SJ

    Yeah, talking in code at a jail is always the way to go. So very clever of her. It’s all in the planning.

  • imonfireDAMMIT

    Insomniac:
    Holy shit this is hysterical.  People this stupid deserve each other.

    NO people this stupid should be all placed on an island and let North Korea test there missles pointed in their direction :-D

  • Insomniac

    imonfireDAMMIT: NO people this stupid should be all placed on an island and let North Korea test there missles pointed in their direction

    That’s an excellent idea!

  • http://www.myspace.com/justdazin So Jaded

    Lizard: You know all the officers involved in this case are going to be telling this story for years. Officer of the Year award to whoever came up with the idea to swap the pills for the business card!

    It was brilliant! They should have captured the whole thing on film…would’ve made a great COPS episode.

  • 2 boys mom in NC

    Not even intelligent enough to work at Domino’s…

  • Kalehue

    Insomniac:
    Holy shit this is hysterical.  People this stupid deserve each other.

     
    No kidding.  He’s ragging on her for the extra time it’s going to get him.  All he had to say when she started the talking in code garbage was — no.  We’re not going to get into that. Remember these calls are recorded.  End of issue.
    He’s as stupid as she is.

  • MadeaBecBec

    Kayla’s face in her mugshot is hilarious, Roy’s too!
    Another case of the perfect anti-drug commercial, Yep Yep, kiddos, pay attention (play the tape and show the before and after photos) THIS IS YOUR BRAIN on drugs…..

  • ecvmanzo

    LMAO…This is just priceless. They have the “deer caught in the headlight” look mastered!

  • knotme

    I can’t type…. outta breath from laughing… I think my lungs collapsed!

  • Cassandra

    Weird, it appears the two losers are married.

  • Friday

    That story was starting to creep me out a bit.  That sounds like the Casey Anthony case on Extra strenth prescription Meth.

  • Wicked Doll

    This is one of the funniest things I have read in a while.  Kayla looks as if she’s wondering why she’s been arrested in her mug.

    As for the business card in the shoe. . .bwaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaa.  Lord don’t ever let these two breed.  The child would not be able to rub two brain cells together.  I don’t even think between these two that is possible.

  • auddie

    I’ve taken the liberty of inviting kayla/miss my hubby to come and tell us the REAL story, after getting this delightful message from her myspace entitled “back off”

    first of all u dont know me or my family. i am a damn good mom n u dont even know the fuckin story…all u know is what u read. my parents taught me…only believe half of what you SEE and none of what u HEAR…maybe you should do the same…k? n by the wasy…u really shouldnt put your nose where it dont belong.

  • auddie

    ohhhhhhhhh kaylaaaaaaa???  Still waiting to hear about:

    the shoe
    that had the clue
    on what to do
    Maybe I should invite her again by talking in code?
     

  • popeyeray

    I didn’t know there were hillbillies in Florida?

  • Lilbay

    Wicked Doll:
    This is one of the funniest things I have read in a while.  Kayla looks as if she’s wondering why she’s been arrested in her mug.
    As for the business card in the shoe. . .bwaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaa.  Lord don’t ever let these two breed.  The child would not be able to rub two brain cells together.  I don’t even think between these two that is possible.

    Too late on not letting her reproduce.
     She does it once a year according to her MySpace. 

    She lost a baby that was stillborn in 2007 and turned around and had a little boy that lived in 2008. Unsure of crap for brains Roy is the Daddy in either case but I am thinking him being in jail may be a good thing her insides obviously need a break as does the world from these two reproducing in 2009.

    Maybe they can tie those tubes up while she is in there.
    That should be the the law when idiots go to jail. 

    No offense to any Florida folks but It just seems that Florida is full of whackadoos

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VC3EI45UOSXIYTVUTP2NSKLXEM Kayla

    hey to all of you haters!!! its me… the one who i the one who is a dumbass… thats right, its KAYLA!!! I did my time, and im back!!! just wanted to say thanks for all of your wonderful comments!!! its fun to laugh at yourself, its funner to have other people laugh at you, but whats even funner than that is laughing at the people that laugh at you… so thanks again!!! :)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VC3EI45UOSXIYTVUTP2NSKLXEM Kayla

    hey to all of you haters!!! its me… the one who i the one who is a dumbass… thats right, its KAYLA!!! I did my time, and im back!!! just wanted to say thanks for all of your wonderful comments!!! its fun to laugh at yourself, its funner to have other people laugh at you, but whats even funner than that is laughing at the people that laugh at you… so thanks again!!! :)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VC3EI45UOSXIYTVUTP2NSKLXEM Kayla

    hey to all of you haters!!! its me… the one who i the one who is a dumbass… thats right, its KAYLA!!! I did my time, and im back!!! just wanted to say thanks for all of your wonderful comments!!! its fun to laugh at yourself, its funner to have other people laugh at you, but whats even funner than that is laughing at the people that laugh at you… so thanks again!!! :)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VC3EI45UOSXIYTVUTP2NSKLXEM Kayla

    hey to all of you haters!!! its me… the one who i the one who is a dumbass… thats right, its KAYLA!!! I did my time, and im back!!! just wanted to say thanks for all of your wonderful comments!!! its fun to laugh at yourself, its funner to have other people laugh at you, but whats even funner than that is laughing at the people that laugh at you… so thanks again!!! :)

  • Anonymous

    ….”the one who i the one who is a dumbass.”

    That says it all, folks!

  • Anonymous

    ….”the one who i the one who is a dumbass.”

    That says it all, folks!

  • Anonymous

    ….”the one who i the one who is a dumbass.”

    That says it all, folks!

  • Anonymous

    ….”the one who i the one who is a dumbass.”

    That says it all, folks!

  • Coyote

    And the laughs continue…

  • Coyote

    And the laughs continue…

  • Coyote

    And the laughs continue…

  • Coyote

    And the laughs continue…

  • Parrot Toes (kathybird)

    Wow, you’re “dumberer” in person than Jaded portrayed you in story. So while you are laughing at our comments about how dumb you are, remember that we are having a much more funner time laughing at how stupid you are to have come here with all of your bad grammar and punctuation to try to make us look like the fools. Got any more stupid remarks or tales for us? Do share if so……..

  • Parrot Toes (kathybird)

    Wow, you’re “dumberer” in person than Jaded portrayed you in story. So while you are laughing at our comments about how dumb you are, remember that we are having a much more funner time laughing at how stupid you are to have come here with all of your bad grammar and punctuation to try to make us look like the fools. Got any more stupid remarks or tales for us? Do share if so……..

  • Parrot Toes (kathybird)

    Wow, you’re “dumberer” in person than Jaded portrayed you in story. So while you are laughing at our comments about how dumb you are, remember that we are having a much more funner time laughing at how stupid you are to have come here with all of your bad grammar and punctuation to try to make us look like the fools. Got any more stupid remarks or tales for us? Do share if so……..

  • Parrot Toes (kathybird)

    Wow, you’re “dumberer” in person than Jaded portrayed you in story. So while you are laughing at our comments about how dumb you are, remember that we are having a much more funner time laughing at how stupid you are to have come here with all of your bad grammar and punctuation to try to make us look like the fools. Got any more stupid remarks or tales for us? Do share if so……..

  • Parrot Toes (kathybird)

    Wow, you’re “dumberer” in person than Jaded portrayed you in story. So while you are laughing at our comments about how dumb you are, remember that we are having a much more funner time laughing at how stupid you are to have come here with all of your bad grammar and punctuation to try to make us look like the fools. Got any more stupid remarks or tales for us? Do share if so……..

  • Parrot Toes (kathybird)

    Wow, you’re “dumberer” in person than Jaded portrayed you in story. So while you are laughing at our comments about how dumb you are, remember that we are having a much more funner time laughing at how stupid you are to have come here with all of your bad grammar and punctuation to try to make us look like the fools. Got any more stupid remarks or tales for us? Do share if so……..

  • Parrot Toes (kathybird)

    Wow, you’re “dumberer” in person than Jaded portrayed you in story. So while you are laughing at our comments about how dumb you are, remember that we are having a much more funner time laughing at how stupid you are to have come here with all of your bad grammar and punctuation to try to make us look like the fools. Got any more stupid remarks or tales for us? Do share if so……..

  • Parrot Toes (kathybird)

    Wow, you’re “dumberer” in person than Jaded portrayed you in story. So while you are laughing at our comments about how dumb you are, remember that we are having a much more funner time laughing at how stupid you are to have come here with all of your bad grammar and punctuation to try to make us look like the fools. Got any more stupid remarks or tales for us? Do share if so……..

  • Parrot Toes (kathybird)

    Wow, you’re “dumberer” in person than Jaded portrayed you in story. So while you are laughing at our comments about how dumb you are, remember that we are having a much more funner time laughing at how stupid you are to have come here with all of your bad grammar and punctuation to try to make us look like the fools. Got any more stupid remarks or tales for us? Do share if so……..

  • Parrot Toes (kathybird)

    Wow, you’re “dumberer” in person than Jaded portrayed you in story. So while you are laughing at our comments about how dumb you are, remember that we are having a much more funner time laughing at how stupid you are to have come here with all of your bad grammar and punctuation to try to make us look like the fools. Got any more stupid remarks or tales for us? Do share if so……..

  • Southern Lady

    I imagine Kayla now may feel like she’s had her 15 minutes of fame. Wow. Incredibly humorous!!, Oh Kayla, just so you understand, that means you are the most FUNNER person I’ve read today.

    Moron. You almost make me ashamed that half of my family are from Florida. Please tell us you weren’t born there.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VC3EI45UOSXIYTVUTP2NSKLXEM Kayla

     um.. ha ha… ha… none of what any of you say affect me… so keep trying if you want… i enjoy a good laugh… lets see what you got….

  • Cory

    If that were me facing lots of time I would have just popped all them bitches and saved the tax payers some money yup yup kudos to me lol

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