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St. Petersburg, FL- If I ever live to be in my eighties, I want to be a feisty old broad like Joyce Trace. In the nursing home or psych ward, wherever it is that my kids decide to dump me off at, I plan to be the motherfucking Godmother of the place and smuggle in as much booze and contraband as possible. I will have my own “soldiers” who will be active in making sure the rest of our “grey ones” are properly taken care of and anyone who tries to interfere with the “family“, will be “sleeping with the fishes” just like Joyce’s attacker.

It all began this last FridayFriday reviews when 81-year old Joyce Trace was on her way to the bank. A man approached her and asked for a dollar. When Joyce told him “No“, he put her in a headlock and tried to pull her down. Not one to play victim, Joyce “In Your Face” TraceTrace reviews fought back.

“He was beating me. I was kicking. I was screaming,” said Joyce. “I’m not a sissy.” No, you most certainly are not, darlin! He was the sissy. You are a fiery little pistol that is just way too hot to handle! The attacker pussy released his victim challenger and ran off. He ended up at the edge of a nearby lake, known as Mirror Lake, and jumped in after telling a group of people close by, “You guys didn’t see me.” Derrr, okay!

Bystanders, who believe the man was homeless, said he was often seen at the downtown park which is located behind a library. Some witnesses said the man appeared to be intoxicated and was stumbling down the embankment before he dove into the water. “He was drunk,” said a friend of the man’s, William “Pop” Shumate. “He’d been drinking a six pack of beer earlier in the day.” Shumate, who came upon the scene right after the man’s swan dive, said he was looking in the water to see if he could spot any fish and, instead, seen his friend’s head surface briefly. “I saw bubbles, then he went back down,” Shumate said. Glup, glup, glup.

Mirror lake happens to be about 7′ deep with an additional 4′ layer of silt and sand below it. The lake swallowed his ass whole which gives proof that not all turds float. Authorities arrived at the scene within minutes and began searching for the man. Divers suited up as a crowd of onlookers gathered. Joyce Trace sat on a nearby bench cradling her elbow and holding an ice pack to her left temple. She was worried the attack would make her appear weak when, in truth, she is a feisty little lady who still enjoys dancing. Damn. Bowbow -Chicka-bow-wow.

About 90 minutes later, the man’s body was pulled from its watery grave by a diver. When officers approached Joyce and told her the news, she buried her head in her hands. She later told a reporter, “He could have killed me.” She also stated that the left side of her face was beginning to swell and she could not move her arm. Authorities are not releasing the man’s identity until they have found and notified his family.

Thanks goes to SoJaded for linking me up! I’ll lay off the bunnies…for awhile. *evil grin*