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Brandy Albright Was Passed Out On The Pooper

April 13, 2009 at 4:56 am by  

m7yf84 Brandy Albright Was Passed Out On The Pooper

Brandy Albright

http://www.myspace.com/dragonfly_0801

Port St. Lucie, Florida–Brandy Albright does babysitting all wrong. Taking care of a 2-year-old child proved to be much too difficult for the pill-poppin’ Brandy. The little boy was found wandering around near a busy highway and Brandy was found in a most unfortunate, and embarrassing, state of unconsciousness.

On Friday afternoon, police were called on a report of a 2-year-old child  wandering alone behind a business plaza located near a busy highway. The child, wearing only a shit covered t-shirt, was toddling around near the bank of a canal in which two alligators were seen lounging.

With the help of a neighbor, it didn’t take long to figure out where the kid came from. When the officer approached the child’s home, he couldn’t see anyone inside, but could hear someone snoring. The officer identified himself. Nothing. The officer, accompanied by the owner of the building, entered the home and tracked the snoring sounds to the bathroom. There they found 26-year-old Brandy Albright, sitting on the toilet, pants down, sound asleep.

The pair tried to wake the sleeping beauty. It took approximately two minutes for Brandy to come to. She looked a little messed up and her speech was slurred, but she denied using drugs or alcohol prior to her little nap. It was then an officer noticed a nearly empty bottle of oxycodone. The pills were prescribed on 4/09/09 and the prescription was for 96 pills; there were only 11 left in the bottle. Wow.

Brandy was arrested and charged with child neglect. She was later released on $2,500 bail. The child is back with his mother, and I hope she’s looking for a new shitter sitter.

UnamusedCat has this up in the forums.

Brandy Albright Was Passed Out On The Pooper
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29 Comments

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  • Friday

    It was then an officer noticed a nearly empty bottle of oxycodone. The pills were prescribed on 4/09/09 and the prescription was for 96 pills; there were only 11 left in the bottle. Wow.

    I think she was selling and abusing them. They need to check the relationship of the babysitter and the child’s mother out. If that girl was doing it free she will be back. BTW! Who was babysitting Brandy’s kid?

  • solange822001

    Her myspace says she’s bi, so I wouldnt be surprised if the mom of the kid is someone she is having a relationship with. How else could someone be so blind as to let this crackhead watch their kid? I sure hope she learned her lesson, for that poor child’s sake.

  • nadine

    Dumb Bitch

  • Dakota Valkyrie

    I don’t know about that Port St. Lucie place. That town sure pops up a lot around here. Is there something I should know before I visit there?? Other than the obvious “Don’t pop and poop“?

    I agree that the relationship with the mom needs to be looked at. May be nothing but how could she not notice she was leaving her kid with a drug addict? If nothing else, I hope mom got the crap scared out of her.

  • tutkill

    ok where is weird AL? On her myspace her song is Dead and Gone. All I can think of is the words I sat on the toilet too long. LOL

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Morbid

    When I was a kid, I had a crush on this nighborhood girl who had come over to hang out with me and my friends. I was flirting and making moves, things were looking pretty good for me as she seemed to be responding to my advances. We were both sitting on the couch, our legs and arms touching (you remember that shiot right? When you like someone and get that electric current going through you just because you are touching them?)

    Anyway, she excused herself to go to the bathroom and while she was gone, I was high-fiving my buddies as they knew I had a thing for this girl spanning a few weeks. I was on top of the world. When she came back, I went to the same bathroom shortly after. I lifted the lid and was greeted to a turd the size of a Nerf football.

    I literally did one of those moves you see in film, when the person recoils in horror while biting their own hand. I recollected myself (now missing a bit of my innocence) and after about 26 flushes and 54 gags, the brown monstrosity quit playing ballerina in the bowl, relented and took a trip through the pipes to go kill whatever it may land on.

    When I walked out, after having dried my tears, the girl had left. I was told that after the 3rd audible flush, and my friends snickering, she had gotten up and left without saying a word. It was all for the better, I suppose, as I would have never looked at her again without thinking of the day she left 5 pounds of herself in my toilet.

  • http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=446437751 FlamingFox

    The child is back with his mother, and I hope she’s looking for a new shitter sitter.

    I literally did one of those moves you see in film, when the person recoils in horror while biting their own hand. I recollected myself (now missing a bit of my innocence) and after about 26 flushes and 54 gags, the brown monstrosity quit playing ballerina in the bowl, relented and took a trip through the pipes to go kill whatever it may land on.

    OH, my sides hurt from laughing my ass off! You guys are fucking hilarious!

  • http://www.myspace.com/jent1995 jenjen0135

    I don’t know about that Port St. Lucie place. That town sure pops up a lot around here. Is there something I should know before I visit there?? Other than the obvious “Don’t pop and poop“?

    NO CRAP!!!-hahahaha…I mentioned that the other day. Central FL really has a load of winners in their midst lately.

    Morbid…I SWEAR…You tore me up!- and no, it wasn’t the beans n greens last night!!!

    That poor girl teenage girl was nervous and about to get herself a little piece of Morbid—She was just getting that junk outta her system cause her little pre-pubescent butt was making more room for YOU!!!

    hahahahahhahahahh….

  • CassieMomma

    That’s just ain’t right. Poor kid! Ok I more to say but I can’t get the phrase “pop and poop” outta my head….thanks Dakota ;)

  • dammitall

    I literally did one of those moves you see in film, when the person recoils in horror while biting their own hand. I recollected myself (now missing a bit of my innocence) and after about 26 flushes and 54 gags, the brown monstrosity quit playing ballerina in the bowl, relented and took a trip through the pipes to go kill whatever it may land on.

    Oh, fuck–I just hurt myself laughing. :D

  • http://www.phantods.com McQuest

    It was all for the better, I suppose, as I would have never looked at her again without thinking of the day she left 5 pounds of herself in my toilet.

    Once you have evidence, especially visual, that a hot girl has taken a shit, all crushes are off, in your eyes she is now more like one of the guys. Hot girls just don’t do such things.

  • Peeperann

    96 tabs and there were only 11 left in that short amount of time? Jeeze she really must have been stoned out of head!

    And to pass out on the shitter? Yeah, she took a lot them. But, ya know, that high is sooo much more important than the safety and well being of the children.

    Thank God the baby was found by good people and didn’t get hit by a car or eating by the alligators.

    Sigh, people can be so stupid.

  • Uvgottabkiddin

    You guys are mean…. She was probably just feeling shitty ;)

  • Lizard

    Great. I logged on, all ready to present my clever and amusing take on this case.

    And then I read Morbid’s post.

    You just can’t follow that.

  • mammasweets

    MORBID!

    Does this mean that Hot Plates are outta the question?

  • petrina

    oh come now, hot chicks shit all the time.

  • solange822001

    When I was a kid, I had a crush on this nighborhood girl who had come over to hang out with me and my friends. I was flirting and making moves, things were looking pretty good for me as she seemed to be responding to my advances. We were both sitting on the couch, our legs and arms touching (you remember that shiot right? When you like someone and get that electric current going through you just because you are touching them?)

    When I walked out, after having dried my tears, the girl had left. I was told that after the 3rd audible flush, and my friends snickering, she had gotten up and left without saying a word. It was all for the better, I suppose, as I would have never looked at her again without thinking of the day she left 5 pounds of herself in my toilet.

    Funniest. Story. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha

  • knotme

    Brandy was arrested and charged with child neglect. She was later released on $2,500 bail. The child is back with his mother, and I hope she’s looking for a new shitter sitter.

    Only because she didn’t pinch the baby!

  • silvahalo

    Wow, what a frikn’ loser. She will never live this one down.

    Dead-beat sitter found passed out on the shitter!….LMAO.

    The only thing NOT funny is this 2 year old boy who could have turned up dead on the highway or eaten by gators. What putz, LLLLOOOOOSER!

    Be well and happy little one.

  • Unamused Cat

    She looks like female serial killer, Aileen Wuornos.

  • auddie

    At least Elvis had somebody to watch Lisa Marie.

  • Insomniac

    This idiot should be kept as far away from children as possible.

  • RunecirE

    As I said on the “other side”:

    This Piece-of-shit went to the shitter to take a shit and got shitfaced on oxy-shit.

    Thank the gods the boy is OK

  • Zibarro

    Wow, Morbid – you’re in rare form lately! Didn’t realize I hadn’t gotten all my mascara off till I read your story – that shit burns like fire when your eyes tear up and those tears roll over onto your cheeks!! lol

    The stupid babyshitter? She is either a MAJOR pillhead – or she eats some and sells some. The math says 85 pills in 48 hours (minus 20 hours for sleeping) = 28 hours – which comes to roughly 3 pills an hour – without missing a beat. If she took THAT many, THAT often – there really is no way. She’d have been passed out for quite a few more hours than the 20 I granted for her to sleep on the 11th and 12th. Oxy (as is proven in this story) makes a person tired as fuck! I’m surprised they didn’t pump her stomach when they realized how many pills were missing in just 2 days. Hell, they shoulda done it for shits and giggles. Stupid bitch.

    I want to know more about this baby’s “mother.” She sure has some piss poor judgment.

  • aspartame

    *makes a mental note to never poop at morbids house*

  • http://www.myspace.com/kelli_laine_doa mom_of_Kelli

    between ‘looking for a new baby shitter’ and the teen crush story— tears are rolling down my face and i just woke up my son from laughing so loud.

    thank goodness the lil boy is ok!!!!

  • MadeaBecBec

    When I walked out, after having dried my tears, the girl had left. I was told that after the 3rd audible flush, and my friends snickering, she had gotten up and left without saying a word. It was all for the better, I suppose, as I would have never looked at her again without thinking of the day she left 5 pounds of herself in my toilet.

    I just had the best ab work-out ever!! Thanks Morbid!!!
    Off topic, but, ummm, Morbid, have you considered a “weekly” (daily would be better)
    “When I was a kid” FP article?? I am sure we all would send you “favors” for that…..

    Brandy Albright is not all that bright, now is she?

    Thank God in Heaven the Wee Tot wasn’t injured and Brandy AllDumb was discovered before she did something like pass out on the poor child and smother him!!!

  • mominAZ

    OMG! That is too funny, Morbid!
    MANY years ago I spent the weekend with a friend, and her cousin was visiting. I had a HUGE crush on him. Well, by Sunday afternoon I had yet to drop a deuce because he was always right there, and I was too embarrassed to take a dump and risk him knowing that I did such things. By Monday morning when I left to go home, I was pretty swollen in the belly and MISERABLE! I couldn’t wait to leave for my flight.
    Needless to say, the San Francisco airport bathroom became my FAVORITE part of that weekend!

  • mominAZ

    I might add: being the age I am now, I’ll lay cable anywhere, anytime. We all do it…who cares?
    Although, unlike Morbid’s girl, I would make sure it ALL went down!!!