NOT Maro Vargas, but ather a famous character from a movie because I was lazy and decided to pick the easiest reference to a cannibal that I could think of that wasn't a zombie. Sue me.

Imagine that you are out doing some yard work. Maybe mowing some weeds with a lame electric mower, or simply doing a little gardening. You are interrupted by a man walking into your yard, quite angry and yelling in a language you do not understand. As he approaches you, he punches you without warning and then while you lay stunned on the ground, begins choking you. To make things even more terrifying, the man bites a chunk out of your arm and SWALLOWS IT. Well a man in New Orleans didn’t have to imagine it at all as it just happened to him last SaturdaySaturday reviews.

67-year-old Joseph Lancellotti was in his front yard gardening when Mario Vargas, 48, accosted him.  There is no word yet on why Vargas targeted Lancelloti, or why he decided to take a bite out of Lancelloti’s arm and then swallow the flesh. I am guessing “bat shit insane” will be in the final conclusion. Vargas had been in the East Jefferson General Hospital 45-minutes earlier, being treated for a finger injury. Vargas never made any attempt to run away when a neighbor came out to assist Lancelloti, but rather walked a couple blocks away and remained near an empty police car. He remained there until the police arrested him. Vargas is currently in jail with a $25,000 bail, charged with second-degree battery.

“This person’s clearly lost his sense, ” Joseph’s wife Bonnie said. “I mean, what else can you say, eating people’s skin?” Sounds like a pretty spot on prognosis to me.

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