Vineland, NJ- It’s possible that 34-year old Lisa Maines may be just a tad bit off her rocker. On March 25, 2009, she dressed as a nurse wearing scrubs with an official-looking ID around her neck and casually walked into Regional Medical Center’s emergency department around 1 a.m. with two large handbags in tow. Where was this looney’s destination? The maternity ward.

Maines was granted access to several parts of the hospital using the name of an actual employee. When she reached the locked maternity unit, Joy Gant, a delivery unit secretary, answered the video intercom. Maines attempted to talk her way in claiming she was a midwife. When Joy asked for her hospital ID, Maines showed the bogus ID card she had hanging around her neck. Having a good nose for bullshit and using her instincts, Joy Gant kept Maines on the hallway phone as she alerted hospital security. When security arrived and questioned Maines, she first claimed she was an undercover DEA agent and then changed her story again saying she was a Florida State Trooper. Security guards escorted Maines out of the hospital and police were notified later that morning.

Nine hours later, authorities tracked down Lisa Maines, who also has a Florida address, at her Millville home. When questioned, Maines denied ever saying she was an undercover officer and said she had no intention of snatching any babies. She said she just wanted to hold one. Awww…her bullshit just can’t get any sweeter.

Authorities have a lot of reasons to question that claim. Lisa Maines has four kids already, including a 1-year-old child, but for unknown reasons, her children are no longer in her care. If that’s not enough to make you go hmmm…they found a fully packed diaper bag with all the items for the care of an infant including diapers and formula. None of the items were age appropriate for any of her children. The diaper bag was near a suitcase. Police believe she intended to leave New Jersey for the state of Florida immediately.

Police also found evidence that Maines was purporting to be a midwife. She even claimed on a birthing-oriented web site that she is able to assist with births. Investigators said they have found no evidence that she has such qualifications. Maines also had extensive knowledge of hospital personnel, of multiple hospitals in the area, as well as the hospital layout. Police also planned to obtain a search warrant for Maines’ car and the bags, which they believe contained a newborn doll. Sounds like the crazy baby-snatching bitch was planning to do the old switch-a-roo with the fake baby for a real one. It’s scary to wonder what she would have done with the baby had she gotten away with her sneaky scheme. *sigh of relief*

Maines was arrested on charges of attempted kidnapping, attempted burglary and impersonating a law enforcement officer. Her bail was set for $50,000. She was last being given a mental health evaluation to determine whether she could cleared to be held at Cumberland County Jail. It is not believed she has received this clearance.

Meanwhile, both authorities and hospital administrators are calling Joy Gant a hero. They feel she protected the staff, patients and babies by not allowing Lisa Maines access into the maternity ward. I could not agree more.

When questioned why security granted Maines access to the hospital and then allowed her to leave before police were called, Charlie Schiapelli, who is the hospital’s director for safety and security, said, “Everything that happened from beginning to end is going to be reviewed to see if we can do something better.” Personally, I think the first thing the hospital should do is give Joy Gant a big-ass raise because she totally saved their asses from what may have been one helluva fucking lawsuit.

Thanks to our little Wicked Doll who brought this story to the forums.

Tags: attempted kidnapping, New Jersey