We didn’t report on the Chris BrownChris Brown reviews
, Rhianna incident that I am sure you have heard about by now. You know, the one in which Chris “punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then drove away in the vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand. ” We did not cover it because at the time, we did not officially cover celebrity stories. But this post isn’t about the crime itself as much as it is the ramifications of the incident, and the actions of the participants afterward. “She probably made him mad for him to react like that,” said a 9th grade girl at a Bronx high school, a comment that appears to mark a widespread sentiment. “So he shouldn’t get into trouble if she doesn’t feel that way,” another said in response to the fact that Rihanna quickly took back her abuser, Chris Brown, after the savage beating he delivered the night before the Grammys. Little abused wives in the making? I think so.
But it’s not as though the journalist who authored the article, Teenage Girls Stand By Their Man happened to stumble into the two dumbest 9th graders at Hostos-Lincoln Academy. Nope, a recent survey of 200 Boston teens shows that 46 percent thought Rihanna was solely responsible for what happened and 52 percent said both were responsible, despite being fully aware of the severity of Rihanna’s injuries.
Mimi Valdés Ryan, former editor in chief of Vibe magazine, made all sorts of excuses for the dumb little broads. (Paraphrased:) “They’re fans of his.” Yep, and you could say most women are fans of their husbands and boyfriends. “Acknowledging he’s capable of this would have made them feel vulnerable.” They’ll be even MORE vulnerable when they’re the ones being knocked around. “He was abused as a child.” SO? According to the most recent study, 10% of teenagers report experiencing violence within their relationships, and that’s probably a low estimate, as boys are much less likely to report abuse, whether it’s committed by them or not. The above mind-frame has GOT to stop.
Because kids this age are impressionable. And a lot of them look up to rappers, more than their parents. How many hours a day do you spend interacting with your child? Not as much time as they spend walking with their friends from one classroom to another. And they are going to ignore half the shit you tell them anyway, because face it, they do not think you are as cool as you think you are. I think this places an enormous burden on stars like Rihanna and Chris Brown who are profiting off of adulation and then abusing that power by being bad role models. Of course Rihanna and Chris being celebrities does not automatically make them immune to making the same mistakes any one of us can make.
And there is a bigger issue here. WomenWomen reviews seem drawn to the biggest dude around because of some alpha-male mechanic. Like it is better to be with one abusive asshole because he will protect you from a dozen other abusive assholes. Do we still need to listen to this little voice in our heads? Is this why I can do a quick search and find a dozen stories on this very site about women who kept going back until they got themselves killed? How can we fix this mess?
One of my solutions? Automatic dual restraining orders. Make it illegal for abused women to take back their men. Why not? We’ve got all sorts of legislation in place to protect people from their own bad judgment. This one might actually help prevent children being born into physically abusive households, which is better for everyone, right? Think of them as seatbelts for relationships. Mandatory protection. Yeah, it raises the specter of Big Brother, all right… but maybe what these young women NEED is a big brother.
Related articles by Zemanta
- Rihanna’s ‘bad example’ (nationalpost.com)
- Rihanna case brings abuse to forefront (cnn.com)
- Why some women go back to their abusers (cnn.com)
2:24 am on March 20th, 2009
and this is why i don’t have TV in my house.
2:33 am on March 20th, 2009
well.. i have one, just don’t get signal or have cable, its good for movies
4:50 am on March 20th, 2009
Although I DO kinda like the thought of dual restraining orders – I hate that, once again, the onus of parenting is passed on to the government. What the hell? When did parents become so lax about parenting? My oldest 2 are 21 and 22 and I STILL parent them when I feel/see a need! And my 15 year old gets it from ALL the adults in his life (poor kid). lol. He NEVER catches a break. We all have experience to share to guide him in the right direction. Silly me! I always thought that’s how it was done~ Apparently, I was supposed to leave it up to the schools, celebrities and the government to raise my kids. Hmmph. Go figure.
8:02 am on March 20th, 2009
It is a fundamental flaw in the logic. Having been on the receiving end of abuse (horrific abuse as a child and then again 3 years ago) I have a good perspective on it. The quote in the statement was right on target. The abused do not want the relationship to end, just the violence.
But the scary thing is, they are completely exclusive you cannot have one without the other in these relationships. The abuser will always be an abuser, that will never change. These men (or women in some cases) are missing something inside themselves and to make themselves feel better, they mentally, physically, emotionally (or all three) abuse the weaker partner, it actually gives them a release.
The abused get so confused because one moment he’s a monster bent on killing you (whether truly killing you or just your soul) and the next he’s the sweet, loving man you fell in love with and is so “sorry” he did it. And then he’s wonderful to you for awhile and you begin to question your own sanity.
So many people are so used to seeing some form of violence in their formative years that it seems them to the “right” way to live. You’re quite right that it is a FAIL on the parents part.
Every woman and every mother should go to 1AngelAvenue.com and read “The Key”. It teaches what love is supposed to be and what it is not. Every mother should teach her daughters the “The Key”. It so important and true.
For teen girls to be saying it was “her fault” scares me more than I really want to think about. I want to go out and gather every one of them up and keep them with me until they have the mantra ingrained in their brains that “Love does not hurt”.
And every boy and young man needs to be taught and mentored that you just don’t hit, push, kick, scream, threaten the women in your life.
__________________
8:27 am on March 20th, 2009
Although I do like the idea of the dual restraining order again it would be the governments way of telling us what to do again. Just like telling women to have an ultra sound before having an abortion when will all this stop. It won’t will only get worse what will be next. There’s a difference between seat belt regulations and a relationship. The seat belt regulations doesn’t tell you to stop seeing someone but a dual restraining order does. How does that help either person realize they have a problem and seek the help they need. All they would probably do is move on to another person with abusive tendencies. What we need to do is find away to help or enforce some type of law for both parties to seek the help they need. Because they will just keep abusing the next person they date and what we will just make that person stop seeing everyone they abuse. No, we need to enforce that person to get help or it will never end. Or what we just lock him/her in jail for ever, I would like to see them try to get some help personally maybe not all can and if that’s the case then yea jail for them.
8:54 am on March 20th, 2009
I have been dealing with this through two of my daughters, and I cannot understand.
Their father and I have been married for 25 years, we never were the screaming fighting couple. We actually LIKE each other.
What makes these girls allow this to happen. They have both had many, many ways out, but the say the ever present “But he is the father of my children, I love him”
Abuse is served in so many diffrent forms. One has been beaten, the other has a control freak.
The control freak has brainwashed my daughter (23), now the state has all 4 of their babies ( neglect & abuse) MY grand children.
The beater, finally while beating and choking my daughter (25) struck one of the
babies. (this was just last week. She went back to him yesterday.
The 23 year old ran off with her (POS) at the age of 17. She was an A-B student, heading into her senior year. We never saw it coming.
The 25 yr old, well she has always been a bit difficult, but was always the agressive one, so to see her in a relationship and being beat is such a shock.
HOW DO WE AS PARENTS KEEP THIS FROM HAPPENING?
We have always and still do to this day let them know they are worthy of everything life has and they need not stay in these toxic relationships.
My oldest son was raised being taught that you respect all people but especially females. His sisters listened as well. We are now teaching our youngest (a son) as well.
I just CANNOT UNDERSTAND.
HOW CAN THEY NOT SEE THAT THEY HAVE CHANGED THAT THEY ARE ACCEPTING WHAT SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED?
MESSAGE TO ALL YOUNG LADIES :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Never allow anyone to abuse you, GOD did not put you on this earth to be used or abused by anyone !!!!!!!
Love, is not supposed to hurt ! If the person you love cannot walk away instead of hitting you………………..THEN DO NOT WALK AWAY************RUN RUN RUN!
9:14 am on March 20th, 2009
Granny-g, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this with your daughters. I hope things work out for you.
9:17 am on March 20th, 2009
What makes this such a hard battle is the fact that you have famous, rich, beautiful celebrities…celebs that these young men and women look up to, engaging in abusive relationships such as Rihanna’s and Brown’s…only to have Rihanna reportedly do exactly what she shouldn’t do and leave his ass immediately. Enough so that Oprah and her ilk hold television specials over it, while all over the US, young girls feel Rihanna must have deserved it, and other celebrities are backing Brown as if this is normal behavior.
I saw similar actions like this with a friend of mine. She was one of the most hard-core, drinking, cussing, fighting, take-no-shit girl I had ever met. Only to watch her become a shell of herself when she paired up with a guy who didn’t physically abuse her, but mentally demeaned her. She was totally aware of it, seemingly embarrassed by it. Friends and family attempted to intervene, to support…only to have her go back to the guy time after time. She has never been the same person and I never, ever got it.
9:22 am on March 20th, 2009
I was shocked when I read the article about the girls in Boston. What message are they being taught? It is scary knowing that young girls think that Rhianna (or any woman) said something to provoke Chris Brown into beating her is okay. I think it is a disgrace and an insult to all women that Rhianna is not pressing charges and speaking out about this, I am sure many would respect her more if she would. By not pressing charges she is saying that 1) she’s not worth it 2) it’s okay for a guy to beat a woman. I am disgusted with Nickelodeon that he is still going to appear on their “Kids Choice” award show this weekend, to me, they are telling kids that what he did was not a big deal. If they want to pull the “innocent until proven guilty” card – fine – then wait a year or more to have him on the show. Ny kids will NOT be watching the show this weekend as my own protest and I am writing to Nickelodeon.
I hope the parents & educators of the Boston girls get this wake up call and start teaching self-respect and that what he did is NOT okay, under any circumstances. Actually, after that article, I think parents everywhere should ask their children what they think and act/teach appropriately if their children answer the same as these girls did.
9:27 am on March 20th, 2009
Grannyg, i’m so sorry. You can’t understand because it’s not understandable. The abusers are very insidious when they start abusing. They will abuse and then become the loving, sweet, charming man your daughters fell in love with. They think they will be the ones to be able to change him or save him. They cannot do that.
The abusers don’t just physically hurt them, they emotionally hurt them to the point that your daughters no longer have any self esteem and now think they are at fault. The abusers usually tell them that “they are the only ones who set off his temper like that”. That no one else does, only her. So the abused begin to thing there really is something wrong with them, and that they deserve what is happening to them.
All you can do at this point is love them and let them know you are there for them. You can talk and talk and talk, but it will do no good until they finally get strong themselves and make the decision they are worth more than that.
I will pray for you and your daughters..
10:16 am on March 20th, 2009
In my option, many girls (espcially of color) feel Rhianna deserved because of how black women are portrayed in the rap culture. I’m lucky I have black friends or I would think after seeing rap videos on BET and elsewhere that black women are nothing more than sex objects that can be treated like scum. I have yet to see a rap video where black women are portrayed in a positive light. All I’ve seen is the notion that they are whores who can be treated like dogs and if anyhting happens, they deserve it.
10:22 am on March 20th, 2009
Hey Common Terry,
Can you provide a link or citation to the study of Boston teens that claims that 46% think it was Rhianna’s fault and 52% think it’s both of their faults? That only leaves 2% blaming him, and I’m having a hard time swallowing that. I’d like to see the source, please.
Danke.
10:36 am on March 20th, 2009
all so true
10:39 am on March 20th, 2009
When I was a little girl, I saw and heard my mother being beaten by my step-father. She left him once, but he threatened and berated her until she went back. Until one night when he almost choked her to death. After that, I was no longer allowed to visit my Mother in her home. I rarely saw her after that night, and shortly after that, she overdosed and killed herself. I have never been the same. I will never be the same. I deal with a tremendous amount of guilt because I didn’t help her that night. Once they would start arguing, I would run upstairs to my room and hide in the corner and cry. I knew he was hurting her that night, and I didn’t stop him. That night coupled with my Mother’s suicide forever changed who I am as a person. If I had any innocence left, it was shattered. Back then in Ohio, they didn’t have the law that if LE showed up for domestic assault, the abuser would automatically be arrested. My Mother would have to press charges. She never did, in fear for her life, and also because she “Loved” him. I have never understood how you can “Love” someone who beats you.
I think the idea of automatic dual restraining orders is a very good one. However, I think the laws need to be more strict. Most men that abuse their significant other don’t see the inside of a prison for what they do. They get a slap on the wrist. I believe that on top of the dual restraining orders, the women should be required by law to attend counciling. Somehow they need to see that they don’t deserve this treatment, that they do deserve to be treated with at the VERY least, basic human kindness.
Watching the news coverage of the Rhianna and Chris beating has brought all this back in detail. It makes my physically ill to know that she took him back, to know that she has the money and power to get away. Things my Mother didn’t have. And still she chooses to stay. I don’t understand it. You would think that if she didn’t have enough respect for herself to get away from him that she would at least have enough respect for her career to know that it is bad business sense to stick by him.
Reading this article about these teenage girls that think this was Rhianna’s fault just breaks my heart. God only knows what the future has in store for them with an outlook on relationships like they have.
10:41 am on March 20th, 2009
To me mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. I have seen some of my friends mentally abused and it is horrible and I want to grab there significant other and shake the fucking shit out of them.
10:46 am on March 20th, 2009
Corcoran’s program, housed in the Commission’s Division of Violence Prevention, surveyed 200 Boston youth ages 12 to 19, between Feb. 13 and 20, using the Chris Brown-Rihanna case to gauge their attitudes toward teen dating violence; 100 percent of those surveyed had heard about the incident.
Among the findings:
* 71% said arguing was a normal part of a relationship
* 44% said fighting was a normal part of a relationship
* 51% said Chris Brown was responsible for the incident
* 46% said Rihanna was responsible for the incident
* 52% said both individuals were to blame for the incident, despite knowing at the time that Rihanna had been beaten badly enough to require hospital treatment
* 35% said the media were treating Rihanna unfairly
* 52% said the media were treating Chris Brown unfairly
http://www.bphc.org/news/press_release_content.asp?id=473
11:09 am on March 20th, 2009
funny thing about surveys you can get them to say whatever you want depending on how you word it
#1 Some take it to mean disagree, no physical fight
#2 responsible to many could mean how did the disagreement start not should he
have hit her
#3 same Not did she deserve to get hit but did she start the disagreement
like I said a marketing person can make a survey say anything they want by the wording
Although i could understand the result if the survey was done in a crack house
maybe I just don’t believe teenagers are this stupid
11:23 am on March 20th, 2009
Stupidest comment you have ever made. It shouldn’t matter if she started the disagreement. He took it to the next level and beat her because she found out about a text regarding a tryst for later on that night. Just because she started the disagreement, doesn’t mean that he should be allowed to beat a woman.
I am more than sure that they differentiated between an argument and physical fighting. Physical fighting can be anywhere between pushing and shoving to all out fist fight.
And I am more than sure that if they did this study in your area, you’d be shocked to find out just how stupid teenagers really are.
11:25 am on March 20th, 2009
I saw this on the news.
I was mortified that she reconciled with him and took him back.
The only reconciling I’d have been doing if I were her … planning HIS brutal ass beating.
Not going off to Puff daddy’s Mexican retreat with him (ridiculous).
Come on look at her face!
He fucked her up and hurt her badly.
I don’t care what she “did” to him there is no reason for him to hit her.
I think he should be jailed,made an example of and lose all of his “deals” and “campaigns”.
If not what kind of example is being set for youth?
Hit your “bitch” she’ll crawl back to you and nothing will happen.
11:26 am on March 20th, 2009
Bitme, there is no spinning that article. You can simply look at the way other celebrities are commenting on this situation (specifically the black male celebrity). Hell, Oprah had kids on her show, with clips from a classroom…they echoed the same sentiments shown in the survey. They felt that Rihanna must have been asking for it, and also used the line “if a woman doesn’t want to get beat up, she shouldn’t put her hands on a man” as if Chris Brown was practicing self defense when he bit her ear.
Also, the fact that she is till with him has these young girls thinking that it was Rihanna’s fault, because why else would she be back with him. I find it harder to believe that in this day and age when ADULTS remain in abusive relationships for one reason or another, you find it hard to believe that teenagers wouldn’t.
11:30 am on March 20th, 2009
sorry your a complite idiot, What I was saying didn’t have anything to do with the beating, it had to do with how surveys are worded to get the result a marketing person wants
iIrealize you attack everything I say, even if you don’t have the mental capacity to understand it, so go fuck yourself
11:32 am on March 20th, 2009
No honey. You stated specifically in your comment that
Maybe you should calm down and realize how you worded your statement. I’m sorry you’re too much of an idiot to realize it. And if I could, I would fuck myself.
BTW, spell check is your friend.
11:35 am on March 20th, 2009
Not spinning the article, I just don’t believe teenagers are that stupid, but they can be fooled by wording in a marketing survey
to make it seem like they agree, when in reality they don’t
I don’t believe 46% thought she was responsible, much less but because of how the question was asked the marketing people got the result they wanted
11:37 am on March 20th, 2009
If you were to look at his myspace page, you would realize how many girls believe Rihanna was in the wrong. That she shouldn’t have said anything to him about the text message he received because that is the best she could get. Teenagers are that stupid. Especially when it comes down to a good looking celebrity that has everything going for him.
11:39 am on March 20th, 2009
Exactly what was that survey, conducted by the Boston Public Health Commission, marketing?
They lok like simple questions to me:
Is arguing a normal part of a relationship
Is fighting a normal part of a relationship
Is Chris Brown responsible for the incident
Is Rihanna responsible for the incident
Are both individuals to blame for the incident
Is the media treating Rihanna unfairly
Is the media treating Chris Brown unfairly
This is a survey that simply shows the mindset of teenagers, and why dating violence continues to happen, with 1 in 11 adolescents reporting being a victim of physical dating violence and probably why dating violence occurs more frequently among black students (13.9%) than among Hispanic (9.3%) or white (7.0%) students (CDC 2006).
http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/dvp/dating_violence.htm
11:53 am on March 20th, 2009
Common Terry – hehehehe, In like that.
R
12:10 pm on March 20th, 2009
Lead by example, especially if you are in the public eye. Be a strong woman and stand up for yourself by not taking something you don’t have to. Then maybe younger girls will see that and get the message. Sorry for all you that had to and are enduring abuse and to those who love someone who is enduring abuse. Stay strong!
12:35 pm on March 20th, 2009
I am going to say this… as a woman myself. I think that some.. NOT ALL ..but some women are very very insecure. They stick around through the abuse because they have themselves convinced that they will never do any better. So many women dont realize that love is not supposed to work like that. Ive seen it.. and it hits very close to home to me. Men are manipulative. We view ourselves as what they make us up to be. When we hear every day from our men that we are amazing and beautiful we believe them and we are confindent in ourselves and in our relationships, but then you have the unfortunate cases where women are told that they are ugly, worthless, fat, sluts, ect WE BELIEVE THEM FOR SOME REASON! I think just about every woman would agree with me that as women there are things that we need to hear. We need to hear that we are good moms, wives, lovers, grandmas and so on. When we are subjected to negative feedback constantly, it kills our self esteem.
Now is this right? No not really… but does it make sense? Yes it does. Women are, of course, more sensative then men. Dont fight it laidies… its true. Trust me I like to make myself out to be “One of the boys” and a “bad ass” but the fact is; I bleed every month, I cry during Lion King, I count calories as if one too many will kill me, I worry about everything, I want to protect my children from the world.. I think we get the point!
My no means do I condone a woman running back to her cheating, beating, no good man, but I understand needing someone- anyone to fill that void.
It pisses me off just as much as the next girl to hear the stories about the woman who calls the cops cuz her “sperm donor” beat the hell out of her and then when the cops arrive, she begs and pleads “Dont take him-He loves me!” I cat help but wonder why she called the law in the first place….she knew that they were going to take him away after all… but at the same time I understand being afraid of men.
I dont know. As far as teens blaming Rihanna for the beating, that is wrong. These girls should know that under NO circumstances should a man EVER lay his hands on a woman. I dont care what she did… But again we go back to young girls in particular are insecure. Another factor is Mom’s relationship with men. If girls are subjected to abuse when they are young.. they will grow up thinking its acceptable. If they were around an abusive dad or mom’s boyfriend, then that is the only “male figure” they have in their lives. Ive also heard that girls naturally look for men like their dads. I know that my dad and I never got along while i was growing up but when I started dating, my Dad hated every guy I brought home because he saw himself in their eyes. Maybe im wrong… who knows.. but this is kind of my life story. As far as fixing the problem.. I dont really know. Afterall, women have to realize that there is a problem before they can attempt to fix one. Women like Hillary Clinton dont exaclty help our cause. But every women should know that she deserves to be happy.
If there is one thing in this world I beleive whole heartedly, its that there is one person in this world who was made to love you, to devote thier life to you, and to make you happy. Some people wait their entire life and never find that person, so those of us who have, we should count our lucky stars! But those are my words of encouragement to all the women of the world. Believe in yourself, know what you deserve, keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground and always remember “To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world”.
12:38 pm on March 20th, 2009
I have seen my girls change into people that I do not know…………….I DO KNOW they are not the girls I raised to be strong and independent! They are not the daughters their Father and I taught that they and only they were in control of thier lives.
My husband and I have SHARED our lives with each other, we have tried to teach by example, that a relationship is based on Love, Respect (for your self and others), as well as the strengths of both parties combined.
We have never shown the children that one has POWER over the other. We have truly tried to be a team in everything we have done. We talked to each other (still do) (the kids hated that ! LOL).
My Question is how? How do the children you have lovingly raised become these strangers? I just find it odd we have 5 children 3 daughters 25, 23, 20 and 2 sons
22, and 6, the two older girls have gone into these horrid relationships, but the younger daughter and oldest son have held back and studied the people they love before commiting. They both have wonderful significant others, the most loving caring Son-In -Law I could have asked for, good husband good father. My son’s fiancee is a beautiful girl inside and out.
What attracts these girls to these nut jobs?
No amount of apologies or BABY I LOVE YOUs would work for me.
12:54 pm on March 20th, 2009
My Question is how? How do the children you have lovingly raised become these strangers?
Granny-g : I cant really answer your question and I dont think anyone can. I can tell you though, that the media and our peers have a lot to do with our decision making. Im 20. My parents were very young when they had me so we grew up very close. I told my parents EVERYTHING while I was maturing. When I hit high school though, it was a whole new ballgame. I.. got drunk… smoked cigarrettes, smoked dope, slept around, anything and everything against their wishes….I did it. Why? I cant tell you! My poor parents spent 16 years of love and devotion trying to make me the best I could be and how did I repay them? By being a real piece of shit! Now granted, shit hit the fan with me around 16…Im now 20… so how have I transformed and what caused it? Life knocked to the ground and beat the hell outta me. A good slap of reality brought me back and put that good head back on my shoulders. I now have a place of my own, I lve 450 miles away from them, but we talk EVERY DAY. Ive got a great job, Im engaged to man who makes me the queen of his life daily, Im pregnant, Im happy, and most importantly I thank my parents every day for loving me.
You did a fine job raising your children. Dont ever blame yourself. I pray that someday your girls come around to knowing how beautiful and amazing they are. Just know that you are not alone… all parents can do is teach us to the best of their abilities and hope for the best. I assure you that things will work out.. In the meantime be strong for them and know that you have people who are praying for you!
1:02 pm on March 20th, 2009
I grew up in a household with domestic violence. I hid under my bed with my sister while my stepfather beat the living shit out of my mother on a regular basis. Three of my uncles beat my aunts for years and no one did anything to stop it. I married at 18 (I think to get out of my house) and within months, my husband began to beat me. I was smarter than the rest of them…I put him out and took our son and never looked back. In the relationships that followed…if I even thought a man would raise his hand to me…I left, and did so quickly.
I have only this to say about this whole story…..it is sad that it takes violence happening to a celebrity for the world to care. Now, suddenly, it’s on every station….poor Rhianna. What about the hundreds of thousands of women who deal with this on a daily basis. Where were the TV reporters and psychiatrists and outcries for domestic violence to end? The TV coverage should have come long before she got beat up!!!!
1:30 pm on March 20th, 2009
It’s a bullshit survey and what percentage were girls and what percentage were boys? Girls are going to side with Chris boys will side with Rihanna. Obviously it was the girls taking the survey so it was a bullshit survey and not one gave an honest damn answer. They gave a hehehe I love Chris Brown answer it was all Rihanna’s fault. I would like the same survey to be asked to them 10 yrs. from now and see what they say then.
1:38 pm on March 20th, 2009
Or was this an all girl survey I might have miss that point if this was an all girl survey. Even if it was all girls they are still only doing it because of who he is and aren’t being honest with there answer so again it’s a bullshit survey. Okay yes my mistake it was an all girl survey. Of course they are going to stick by there man and you can’t go on this survey. They don’t understand and they won’t until they are older and put into this situation. I wish they had of done this with male as well because they might have actually been honest in there response. Duh for me for having a blonde moment, trying to keep up with too much at one time is not working for me. Skimming the articles is working either.
1:43 pm on March 20th, 2009
The link to the survey was given, Special. And how was it bullshit? How does the evidence from the link I gave that shows 1 in 11 dating adolescents being a victim of dating violence NOT echo the results from that survey?
Your insinuating that their responses may be different 10 years from now is the point….sort of as adults seem to be just as prone to abusive relationships…but regardless, young kids today are not only victims of dating violence, our culture almost seems to condone it.
1:53 pm on March 20th, 2009
I think, in a way, the issue of domestic violence is perpetuated by the way we look at it – “men vs. women” and the roles they’re suppose to fill rather than “human being vs. human being”. The way I look at it – they way I was taught and the way I will teach my children – is that you should never engage in physical violence unless it’s in the defense of yourself or a loved one. Should you get hit and the person who hit you can be reasonably restrained, you are under moral obligation to do so. If the person cannot be restrained, it is your right to do what is necessary to protect yourself.
The idea that a man should never hit a woman under any circumstance makes it taboo, which could very well lead to a higher incidence of it behind closed doors. Children should be taught to view one another as equal, moving away from gender-specific rules of conduct. If we all have one standard of conduct to live by, it would be better for all of us.
1:57 pm on March 20th, 2009
I understand that…. however how frequent are there cases where a woman beats the shit out of a man. I understand your point Athena and agree with you completely, but its also important for a girls esteem to assure her that she does not need to tolerate abuse!
1:59 pm on March 20th, 2009
Special – The fact that they’re responding based on “who he is” does nothing to change the results. Many young girls are going to view a boyfriend or husband the same way they view Chris Brown. What makes it worse is that Chris Brown isn’t even loving them back. So, this stands to suggest that, should they have a crush on a boy, and that beats them 10% of the time but reciprocates the affection the other 90%, they’re even more prone to “side with him”, so to speak, and stay in the relationship.
2:13 pm on March 20th, 2009
More frequent than you would ever imagine. According to a 2007 Harvard survey that involved 11,000 men and women:
Source
EVERY survey I’ve ever seen on domestic violence clearly illustrates that women are responsible for more domestic violence than men and that they do inflict injury. Crime statistics don’t match up, though, as men are something like 90% less likely to report abuse to authorities.
EVERYONE needs to know that abuse is not to be tolerated, not just women.
2:25 pm on March 20th, 2009
Not really being connected to the media in the US and so not having followed the atmosphere this survey was made in…… I would have said they were equally to blame: He for hitting her. Her for staying. I gather the survey was taken before her staying was a fact?
And as for the Hillary comment…… She may have elected to stay with an adulterous husband, but I have no doubt Bill respects Hillary a lot. If he hadn’t, he would never have gotten into to trouble with the impeachment for pretending he was not adulterous. I personally would take adulterous over violent any day. But why should I put up with either?
The tragedy is that Rhianna wasn’t given the choice and still chose to go back to him.
2:29 pm on March 20th, 2009
The questions asked and answered I don’t believed were answered honestly by the teen girls that is what I am talking about.
2:34 pm on March 20th, 2009
I type a response to Morbid submitted and it didn’t go through it just disappeared into fucking thin air. Give me a minute to rethink every damn thing I said WTF happened damn it.d
2:49 pm on March 20th, 2009
Yes, I saw the link but I was talking in regards to the questions that were asked to the teen girls. The link your talking about is different and I’m sure it’s pretty precise and pretty sad.
Just to clarify I’m not insinuating that they will end up in an abusive marriage/relationship but they might know someone that that will and then they can appreciate and understand the seriousness & violence in an abusive relationship. Yes, adults are just as prone to abuse relationships I saw it in my parents own relationship growing up.
I will agree that are kids our victims of dating violence but I don’t see how you think our culture condones it. What suggestions do you have to stop the violence to our kids? Unless our kids come forward to there parents that they are dating someone that are abusing them there hands are tied in helping them. Most kids will hide the fact that they are being abused just like an adult, it’s hard to help someone when they deny they need it. Just like an alcoholic until they are ready to admit they need help there isn’t much you can do, right? How do u help an abuse victim when they don’t want help, I’ve tried before and it’s not easy.
2:53 pm on March 20th, 2009
I would agree with you on the boyfriend but not so sure on the husband. LOL no seriously not so sure on the husband. But definitely on the boyfriend.
Okay my puter is play tricks on me first it didn’t post my response and they all of a sudden poof 5 mins. later it showed up. No, I’m not tripping.
3:08 pm on March 20th, 2009
Terry, I’m digging your first two stories so far. I disagree with both of their conclusions (I think dual-restraining orders would be disastrous and I have no problem with people taking pictures of feti) but I LOVE that you couch a lot of your thought in evolutionary theory.
Keep it up.
3:08 pm on March 20th, 2009
If you say so
3:18 pm on March 20th, 2009
Maybe the horrors of dating should be implemented into sex education classes?
One means to stop the problem is to stop the brainwashing be it a problem with society or problem inside a particular age group, race, gender, whatever.
Children from parents where one or both are abusive will either allow this in their relationships or know the signs and avoid it. Those who have never been exposed, will do the same. So they need to be educated by an outside source.
Are those in the spot light making this a problem by going back to it? I can say yes but also, times really haven’t changed much.
Most of us growing up watched The Honeymooners, The Flintstones or I Love Lucy, where the hubby was the pretty much an arrogant pig. While Alice and Wilma gave it back to a degree, Lucy would sneak and hide things from her husband often scared and getting herself into more trouble. Sure, it was funny but look deeper into the message it really sent. Looking back it showed weakness and that the man was boss. Television today paints a stronger picture of women for the most part. We don’t see angry threatening husbands in comedic sitcoms and when we do, it’s usually directed at their friends or a pain in the ass co-worker or neighbor.
But then we have someone like Rhianna taking our girls back to the stone age. I can’t fault her as a victim of abuse because I have been there myself. But as a figure out in the public eye and an Icon for little girls to look up to, I do fault her. She has a responsibility to send a message. What a message it would have been if she spoke out against this and showed her fans that this is something that should never be accepted no matter how much we love the person behind the fist and rage.
3:20 pm on March 20th, 2009
All right, some of the comments here about the validity of the survey and its results caused me to rush to a cinder-block wall and bash my head against it several times. By day, when I shuck off my reptilian skin to hide my super powers and blend in with the masses, I’m a researcher. So I contacted the folks at the Boston Public Health Commission to find out a little more about the survey methodology.
First, this was no marketing survey; its purpose was not to determine preferences and persuasions that might lead to a product’s favorable placement in the market. The purpose was to gauge adolescent’s opinions on the Chris Brown/Rhianna domestic violence incident, and further, they wanted the “cleanest” opinion possible, so the survey was conducted before the photo and more details were released. The questionnaire was designed by individuals with survey design and evaluation experience, so we’re not talking about some Yahoo tossing out crappy leading questions. By necessity, because of the time frame, the sample was a convenience sample–teens were interviewed at malls, teen centers, and other areas at which teens are known to congregate. The researchers have no reason to believe that survey respondents are primarily low-income, African American, white, etc.
Finally, both girls and boys were interviewed. There were no significant differences in their responses to the items, with the exception that boys seem to be more likely to believe that the media was treating Chris Brown unfairly.
Thanks to BPHC for taking the time to answer my questions.
3:28 pm on March 20th, 2009
Um…that should be “adolescents’ opinions.” I got too excited.
3:37 pm on March 20th, 2009
Good lookin’ out, Liz!
A random fact: Couples the encounter infidelity and stay together are statistically more successful than couples that never encounter it at all.
You don’t like the idea of implementing something to encourage people to stay away from abusers, but you do like the idea of women being forced to undergo a medically unnecessary procedure that likely incurs extra cost for the sole purpose of tugging heart strings?
Huh.
I’m not a fan of either, myself.
3:40 pm on March 20th, 2009
Thank you Lizard for taking the time to call BPHC. So that’s interesting they did ask the boy’s questions and they felt Chris was being treated unfairly of course.
One question did you break the cinder block? Again, thanks hope we didn’t make you hurt your head to bad.
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