Key West, FL–Ladies, it has come to my attention that Robert Anthony Adisano, age 25, is looking for some companionship. Once you get past the hat-hair, the bushy eyebrows, and the goofy grin…you will find a man who is willing to go that extra mile to impress a member of the fairer sex.
Most men, when courting, will come across with some flowers, or chocolates, or maybe even a shiny new bauble. Not our Robert–he’s far too sophisticated to insult a woman’s intelligence with trinkets and such. No, he prefers to wow ‘em with a little animal cruelty.
Last Wednesday, at around 4:00 a.m., Robert was seen dragging a squealing pot-bellied pig down Duval Street. The pig, named Harriet, was squealing because Robert was dragging it on it’s back over broken glass. What? You ladies don’t find that impressive? Me either. I’ll take a box of chocolates any day.
When approached by officers, Robert told them, in a vulgar manner, that he was using the bloodied pig to pick up chicks. Witnesses told officers they had seen Robert kicking the pig. Harriet later died from internal injuries.
Chuck Best, a spokesman for the Florida Keys Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, went to Robert’s home where another pot-bellied pig was found. ‘It was living in deplorable conditions,’ Best said. ‘No food, no water, no shelter — I got covered in blood just getting the animal to the shelter.’ That pig, dubbed Sunshine by shelter workers, had rocks and other debris embedded in it’s flesh. Looks like Robert has tried this ploy before. You’d think he would have come up with a different game plan. The animal was cleaned up, stitched, and given antibiotics. Sunshine is said to be recovering nicely.
Robert Anthony Adisano faces a felony third-degree animal cruelty charge. He is being held in Monroe County Jail on $50,000 bond.
So, Demonites and Denizens, do you have any dating tips for the forlorn and lonely Romeo?