http://www.myspace.com/saintfuckingtheresa
Laurens County, SC–I recently discovered that I have about 35 minutes of spare time each day to fill. What to do? I was in dire need of a hobby. Stamp collecting? Too boring. Collecting bits of twine to make the world’s largest twine ball? Shit, already been done. I know! I’ll spread my magic and dance at the funerals of complete strangers! Just like Nicole Marie-Loretta Leonard…
Nicole was driving aimlessly through town Tuesday, when she spotted a funeral procession. With nothing better to do, she joined in. Cause, you know, funerals are a blast!
Upon arrival at the Church of God in Gray Court, Nicole respectfully took her seat among the mourners. A feeling came over the woman…not sadness, not bereavement…she felt the need to dance! She boogied up the aisle and started dancing in front of the coffin. She then produced a wand, waved it around the casket, opened the lid, laid her hands on the deceased, and bonked him in the head with her wand. She took a handful of flowers and tossed them at the flabbergasted audience before disappearing in a haze of magical fairy dust. Just kidding…she disappeared in a burgundy Toyota.
Officers caught up with the silly sprite down the road. When asked about her antics at the church, Nicole told them she ‘felt it was the right thing to do at the time.’ No, she didn’t know the dead guy, she was just driving through the area from North Carolina when she came upon the procession.
Nicole, a recent graduate from The Center For Massage and Natural Health in Weaverville, N.C., has this to say on her Holistic Anywhere web page:
‘My private office is tucked away in a serene valley surrounded by an amazing mountain-scape. My loving energy and slow flowing technique provide a truly outstanding relaxation massage. I used my knowledge and ability to help those around me by offering free massage therapy on an unprofessional level.’
Maybe she thought she was providing a much needed service to the deceased? Personally, I’d like to book her in advance, for my own funeral.
Nicole Marie-Loretta Leonard, 25, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and disrupting a funeral. She was released from the Johnson Detention Center on Wednesday.
Thanks to Siobhanm for posting this in the forums. This story made me LOLLOL reviews
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6:33 am on March 5th, 2009
you have to admit, she would certainly keeps things intresting
6:33 am on March 5th, 2009
WACK JOB WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?
WOW
NUT JOBS MAYBE SHE SHOULD JUST GO TO HER SECLUDED ISOLATED PLACE AND STAY FOREVER
7:48 am on March 5th, 2009
<. I used my knowledge and ability to help those around me by offering free massage therapy on an unprofessional level.’
OK this makes one wonder ….what ‘free massage’ is she talking about?……and on an ‘unprofessional level…
free advertisement for sex?
7:50 am on March 5th, 2009
So Jaded you have a way with words. Love it
LOL@boogied up the aisle
I am glad this one wasn’t child abuse or murder
8:47 am on March 5th, 2009
LOL at her myspace url… Definitely doesn’t look or sound like the sharpest crayon in the box…
8:52 am on March 5th, 2009
Times are tough, so the chick who is usually the Tooth Fairy has had to branch out. She is now also the Funeral Fairy.
Wonder what that dance looked like? Maybe she did “the Elaine” from Seinfeld.
8:59 am on March 5th, 2009
Fucking Freak! Was she on acid?
9:03 am on March 5th, 2009
Another dumbass from my home state…Jeez……….
9:09 am on March 5th, 2009
LOL, when I read “she felt the need to dance” I thought of the Evolution of Dance. I’m wondering why no one stopped her before she opened up the coffin? I guess they were all stunned. That must be some strong magic to do that!
9:33 am on March 5th, 2009
I’d like to surprise everyone with this when my time comes. If anyone cares to volunteer, just let me know. Must be available on short notice from now to whenever. I’ll provide the wand and a small gratuity. Not needed if my dad is still living.
9:47 am on March 5th, 2009
You don’t want me dancing for you, absolutely no grace or rythm. The funeral would turn into a stoning, I’m sure. Plus, a 200lbs male looks hideous flopping around throwing fairey dust and bopping people with a wand. (Wasn’t that done in a movie)
LMAO
9:48 am on March 5th, 2009
Don’t take it too personal… ***whispering*** They’re everywhere!
9:56 am on March 5th, 2009
I would glady be your dancing funeral fruitcake.
10:30 am on March 5th, 2009
Thats the FIRST thing that came to mind after reading that.
not to mention you would probably be arrested for indecent exposer or some trumped up thing. LOL
10:42 am on March 5th, 2009
You always make me feel better, Runecire! ***Hugs***
12:11 pm on March 5th, 2009
What is she smoking? I’d like an ounce or two
12:22 pm on March 5th, 2009
she does seem fun
just a free spirit, looking for that mystical rod
LOL
12:57 pm on March 5th, 2009
Methinks the “Spirits” took over her body and she had no control….
You know she says; “You are not a human being having a spiritual experience. You are a spiritual being having a human experience.” (From her myspace headline)
Or she could’ve just smoked a bit too much of the “magic” dust, IDK!
Made me laugh though!
1:12 pm on March 5th, 2009
yeah….. ummm…. yeah…… that… wow…
niceeeeee!
1:32 pm on March 5th, 2009
I’m sorry I know this isnt the place but I have a question.
When you comment on another users reply…and their comment appears above yours in bold print….how are you doing that? How are you making the other users comment appear in bold type. I have tried to find a reply button etc.. to click but I haven’t had any luck.
I’m sure its probably right in front of me but I can’t find it.
1:37 pm on March 5th, 2009
Whenever you want to do that just left click on the post that you want to repeat and it will appear in your comment box……
1:48 pm on March 5th, 2009
Thanks!!
1:49 pm on March 5th, 2009
Some firewalls block the ability to automatically quote. If you need to do it manually, the code is < blockquote > Text here. < / blockquote > only without the spaces.
2:20 pm on March 5th, 2009
YW. ***HUGS*** i’m big on hugs ***HUGS***
2:22 pm on March 5th, 2009
Maybe there was a hidden Nexis under the Church that got her spirit and juices flowing. “I have the POWER!”
3:12 pm on March 5th, 2009
Disrespectful bitch.
That picture of her is scary, she looks like the Terminator.
3:57 pm on March 5th, 2009
So jaded this is a good one,,i aint laughed this hard in a long time,this chick takes the lead on the dumbass award..
6:42 pm on March 5th, 2009
the funeral fairy lol
now that is stuck in my head
6:46 pm on March 5th, 2009
WTF?
I wonder if this is her first time- really, who would think of doing this to a stranger no less???
Yeah its funny in its twisted way but I think more because it didnt happen to me. I feel badly for the family. I would be very hurt if someone did this at either of my grandparents’ funeral services- its just so disrespectful!
8:15 pm on March 5th, 2009
It certainly gave the bereaved family a story that will be told for generations.
I didn’t know you could just pop open the casket. Something to remember for when I come too late to view the body ….
8:19 pm on March 5th, 2009
I have to add that she has the most tolerant, misunderstood look on her face in her mugshot. Like “you all just don’t appreciate my magic.”
Maybe she should have given the dead guy one of her unprofessional massages.
9:38 pm on March 5th, 2009
As looney as she is, I’m just happy to see that she’s not molesting or beating children.
9:43 pm on March 5th, 2009
I like this lady.
9:47 pm on March 5th, 2009
Dance ,magic,dance! Love it! she can dance at any funeral that I have to go to,I hate funerals,so please by all means lil miss nutty dance your heart out.
11:18 pm on March 5th, 2009
I can’t stop looking at her weird lazy eye!
11:58 pm on March 5th, 2009
I’m sorry…this was just too freakin’ funny! I’m sure the relatives of the deceased aren’t too amused, as some people prefer not to have fun at a funeral. My family’s not like that. Whenever someone dies, we break out the booze and give the deceased a nice, old-fashioned roast. (After all, you can’t spell “funeral” without “fun.”) Personally, when I die, I was thinking about having my corpse shot out of a cannon. Or hiring a clown. Especially if my husband is still alive. He hates clowns and it would drive him nuts:)
Anyway, this was a refreshing change. It’s nice to see a harmless idiot engaging in crazy antics. I prefer people like this to all the child-raping, murdering, kidnapping, etc. trash I normally read about here.
4:25 am on March 6th, 2009
i wish she would have showed up at Kelli’s funeral. it would have been sooo much better than our (now ex) pastor using Kelli’s entire service to recrute new members for the church! asshat.
3:11 pm on March 6th, 2009
FatCat — You can probably contact her through the police department and issue the invitation to your funeral. Set it up now. Your family may not honor your wishes in this matter when you are gone. Have her pop out of one of the flower arrangements. That would be so cool.
8:52 pm on March 6th, 2009
METH KILLS! Whatever she was smoking, she better keep that to herself.
8:15 pm on March 7th, 2009
This was on her myspace page.————-> Mood: sick
She’s aware.
1:56 pm on April 14th, 2009
We were contacted by Nicole, and actually, she seems kind of matter-of-fact about the entire ordeal. She is bi-polar and now on medication. She has posted a blog entry explaining her side of the story which can be accessed via her Myspace page.
But here is the entry in its entirety (Nicole, if you’d rather people click over to see it, let me know)
So that’s that. On one hand, somewhere between her stating she is ugly and the quip about her brain manufacturing her own narcotics, I actually started to like Nicole, even though I am sure she freaked out some friends and family.
On the other, it scares the shit out of me knowing what goes through the head of someone who is not on the medication they need.
2:28 pm on April 14th, 2009
So, she’s the ONE! I do like this picture a lot better! And, yes, she sort of scares me, too! I’m glad she’s got her meds!
2:29 pm on April 14th, 2009
I’m glad she is geting the help she needs. She could use her 15 min of fame to help other people with the same illness by bringing attention to it. I do think though that she should start crashing weddings instead of funerals. I think the families would be more receptive to it and it would really get everyone on the dance floor to jumpstart the party. Some nice cards with her contact info and she is in business!
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