Richard Fowler Makes Bad Decisions
February 11, 2009 by Morbid
There is a video here. If you cannot see it, your workplace is strict!
Seattle, WA – I got an email about this interesting hit and run story out of Seattle. Richard Fowler, 39, has found himself a good bit down the wrong path and has hit a crossroads. Up until now, Fowler’s drug addiction has had him making decisions that have gotten him into a bit of trouble. Last week his craptacular decision making skills garnered him possible hit and run and kidnapping charges. The story almost sounds like an episode of My Name is Earl, if Earl was a drug addict, and the item on his list went:
Number 43: Once kidnapped a little girl after I hit her in the face with my car, dropped her off at a convenience store…
The last thing the parents of an 8-year-old Everett girl were thinking that morning before she headed out for her walk to Madison Elementary School, was that she would be struck by a drug addict in a stolen car who would then place her in the car, ride around looking for a hospital before leaving her at a convenience store spitting out her teeth…but that is pretty much exactly what happened.
After Richard accidentally struck the girl with the stolen Dodge Magnum he was driving, he stopped the car, got out and placed the screaming girl in the vehicle. He told nearby witnesses he was taking her to the hospital and left before police arrived on the scene. But instead of taking her to the hospital, he ended up dropping her off at a Shoreline convenience store a dozen miles away. She was instructed by Fowler to go inside and call 911. She is fine physically, and currently recovering from a fractured nose, broken teeth and a split lip.
Richard Fowler had time to think about the events that transpired and turned himself in to police, weeping, telling them that he had done something bad and thought that he needed a lawyer. The arresting officer stated that Fowler was “crying and obviously upset,” saying that “there was an accident and everything happened so fast.” According to documents, Fowler asked if “the little girl was ok” while he was being booked on possible hit-and-run and kidnapping charges. He’s being held in lieu of $60,000 bail.
His reasonings for his string of idiot actions? The stolen car for one, as well as Fowler trying not to get busted on a possible warrant (turns out he didn’t have one). He was trying to take the girl to a hospital outside of Everett in hopes that this warrant would go undetected. This plan got screwed because he couldn’t find a hospital or anyone who could tell him where one was located. He states that he didn’t mean to harm the girl. Some of his story is backed up as Fowler didn’t seem to want to harm the girl in any way, even giving her his shirt to use while they went on their road trip. A road worker has also stated Fowler stopped and asked him for directions to a nearby hospital.
Fowler’s mother, Sandra Fowler, is hoping that the kidnapping charges will be dropped stating that the sequence of events after the initial accident do not show a man who was attempting to abduct anyone. She blames his drug addiction and has apologized to the girls family. “I know she must have been scared,” Sandra Fowler said. “All he wanted to do was help her.” April Uriarte, Fowler’s sister, wants everyone to know that Fowler has three girls of his own and would never purposely hurt anyone. She echoes her mother’s statements on Fowler’s drug addiction. “It’s just the drugs. The drugs have got him so bad,” she said. “He just needs help. He needs help to get off the drug.”
Personally, I believe Fowler’s mother and sister are right. I think that Fowler is probably a good guy doing some bad shit. I think he panicked after hitting the girl and had every intention of getting her to a hospital. But he did fuck up and he should pay for it…I just think the kidnapping charge is a bit harsh, even if what he did does legally fit the description of that charge. So what do you think would be an adequate charge and punishment for the guy?
I think the kidnapping charges should be dropped and along with any other laws he broke, get him with some form of vehicular injury charge. Let the guy dry out a bit in jail and hopefully Richard can use this incident as a wake-up call and a way to get clean. I could understand the parents of the girl being pretty pissed off at Fowler, but what do you all think? Kidnapping too tough or is Fowler getting exactly what he deserves?
9:22 am on February 11th, 2009
Excuses, excuses, excuses. He grabbed a hurt little girl, who he just hit in a stolen car, and took her away from the scene of a crime. She didn’t get the attention she needed right away as he was driving around and on top of that she was probably scared to death. Kidnapping is appropriate and his family needs to keep their mouths shut!
9:28 am on February 11th, 2009
My issues is that it while his actions were stupid, I do think intent should be factored in. I don’t think he should be charged the same way he would have been charged had he scooped her up to molest her. Drug addiction or not.
9:32 am on February 11th, 2009
I am looking at it from a parents view and if someone did that to my child I would expect the same thing. Who knows this time car, next time molestation. If the drugs make him behave unlike he normally would, there’s no telling what he’s capable of. Hit him hard now, don’t wait for something even worse to happen.
9:50 am on February 11th, 2009
That’s a big leap. I am not about to assume a guy who got a speeding ticket might eventually steal a car.
And I am not saying to not punish the guy, but to charge him with kidnapping just seems a bit harsh (it’s not like the guy doesn’t already have a slew of other charges to get him in jail for) and not entirely what the law was designed for.
Basically, by charging him with kidnapping, it would have been better had he hit the girl and just kept going. He would have received less charges. That just doesn’t sound right to me.
9:58 am on February 11th, 2009
I knew you were going to use that against me
I wouldn’t normaly think that someone getting a ticket one day would go to stealing cars the next. I guess what I mean is that once you starting upping your more violent crimes, especially when you are “doped up” you just don’t know. Honestly I would be happier if he would of left her there. Your story says there were witnesses, I would of rather one of them helped and called 911 instead of him deciding on medical treatment. Anyway agree to disagree.
10:10 am on February 11th, 2009
He’s incredibly lucky that the child didn’t die.
10:30 am on February 11th, 2009
I think kidnapping is too harsh as well. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of someone being charged with kidnapping when their intent was to help instead of harm. Is there a precedent for this?
“Murphy’s Law” – what a bitch!
I’m glad he turned himself in and very glad the little girl is going to be OK.
10:49 am on February 11th, 2009
Kidnapping is way too harsh, I agree with Morbid. Some sort of punishment is called for, but let it fit the crime. This does not fit the situation.
I have to say, it worries me when I read about an 8 year old child walking to school alone. I know a lot parents do that, and I know that technically that doesn’t make them bad parents, but I have an 8 year old son and Ill be DAMNED if I let him walk to school alone. Shoot, I even get out of my car and walk him to his classroom. I know I’m going to be accused of being overprotective, but reading stories like this (as well as one about a 5 year old little boy here in Miami who walked home from school alone, ran out into a busy street, got hit by a car and died) makes me feel like I am making the right decision. Am I crazy?
10:55 am on February 11th, 2009
Compare this guy to the one from a few days ago–the “addict” asshole who also stole a car, hit two teenagers, and then kept running over their bodies before speeding away. It should mean something that Fowler tried to do the right thing, and that he voluntarily turned himself in. It shouldn’t meaneverything but it should count for something, I think.
11:02 am on February 11th, 2009
I am really confused. Not sure why you guys have compassion for some asshole who stole a car, hit a little girl and then took her against her will. I don’t care if he meant to do it or not……he did. Oh well I guess I am in the minority today
11:03 am on February 11th, 2009
His many bad decisions should lead to enough charges, no kidnapping intent, no kidnaping charge. People already refuse to help because of stupid law suits and possible criminal charges. How would you like it if someone accidently ran you over and let you die because they didn’t want to have kidnapping charges thrown at them, i assume in that case you would want him charged with murder, instead of going free because he wasn’t found responsible for the accident I realize he was irresponsible and not an innocent bystander, but going forward what people read about cases like this affects their decision to help or not.
His families comments didn’t seem all that outrages, actually sounded normal.
When someone’s killed intent is a huge part of the charge/sentence
A bit garbled I hope I made my point.
11:10 am on February 11th, 2009
Biteme I am an adult and I can make the decision to go in someone’s car to get help, we are talking about an 8 year old. As I stated earlier too it’s not like they were alone other people were at the scene. I understand what you are saying, but I just disagree. Kidnapping to me is taking someone against their will. As far as the family, the way I look at it they are aggrevating the situation and it makes their son look like he’s the victim of drugs or whatever and it takes away from the litle girl being the real victim.
11:23 am on February 11th, 2009
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11:35 am on February 11th, 2009
I’m talking someone severely injured that needs immediate help and will not get it.
The problem is, decisions made in this case will affect other similar cases with no bystanders, or the bystanders are in fear to help. Some people are afraid to phone for help, because someone could somehow involve them. Lot of stories about people watching someone get mugged, killed, raped and not making that call out of fear that they would somehow be held responsible for something. I feel many witnesses don’t want to get involved because of fear of the laws, not the criminals
They’re afraid to get charged for making the wrong innocent helping move. Look I’m talking about how some stupid over aggressive DA’s and law suites have crippled our society. I feel there’re enough more deserving charges, to nail this guy with, I think it would take a pretty aggressive DA to try and make that charge stick, and I would find him innocent of kidnapping if I were on the jury
11:36 am on February 11th, 2009
349 votes above the rest. 47%, next closest 15%.
11:42 am on February 11th, 2009
I am too!
This bothered me also. People may think I am overprotective if they want, but as a parent it is my job to keep my children safe and, God forbid, if something like this happened to one of my kids because I decided to listen to their criticism and be lenient, their views of my parenting might be completely different.
There are ways to parent your kids without being too overprotective and I do my best to allow them freedom, I just try to do it the safest way possible which means setting boundaries.
I also agree the kidnapping charge should be dropped. What he did was wrong and he should of never taken the girl with him, but he did turn himself in and showed sincere concern about the girl’s well-being. I hope he gets the help he needs and the girl will be okay.
11:45 am on February 11th, 2009
I guess we would be a hung jury then biteme
11:49 am on February 11th, 2009
I was thinking the same thing, but didn’t put it in writing.
LOL
11:52 am on February 11th, 2009
I have no sympathy for the guy. This compounded more by the fact that he is a drug addict. But I am not for charging him with kidnapping.
12:16 pm on February 11th, 2009
I agree with Morbid. Yes, he initially did a bad thing by stealing the car. I give you that much. But to charge him with Kidnapping is a bit excessive in my opinion. He did not take her from the scene to hurt her even more. If he had taken her to get rid of her, then YES. I feel that this guy is truly not a bad guy, stupid YES.
I think he just panicked and made a really bad decision. I am in no way condoning the theft or the drug use. Not one bit. But the charges should fit the crime, and in this case it seems that it does not.
I want to know what type of person would allow an 8 year old child to walk to school ALONE! I am not suggesting that this happened due to bad parenting, not at all. But why would you allow your small child to walk to school with all the dangers out there?
Just my opinion.
12:29 pm on February 11th, 2009
Let’s look at it this way; You are an 8 year old, injured by a stranger’s vehicle, then put into stranger’s vehicle and taken way, IMAGINE, the terror that you would feel !!! In pain, terrorized, not knowing what was gonna happen to yourself next, not having the ability to comprehend what you should do next….. The fact of the matter is, FOWLER did take her! Or do you think, he actually asked her if she wanted him to take her to ER? That’s kidnapping, plus the fact that the iIDIOT didn’t actually take her to the ER, instead, leaving her to fend for herself. after all…. Very selfish on his part! So, yeah, I agree that he should be charged with kidnapping, maybe not 1st degree, but kidnapping is what took place after the accident!
I’ll be praying that this little one, heals completely, physically and emotionally!
12:32 pm on February 11th, 2009
Assuming she was screaming in pain and not kicking and screaming for him to leave her alone I would agree with not filing kidnappig charges.
I’m wondering was he drugged up at the time of the accident, if so he was then driving around with the little girl while intoxicated. Child endangerment.
12:33 pm on February 11th, 2009
I wouldn’t let an eight year old walk down the block with out watching out for them… which makes me wonder what this poor kid’s parents were thinking for a moment. But yeah, I agree that kidnapping charges are a bit harsh. Wonder if there’s something along those lines that isn’t quite as steep that he can also get dinged for. There could have been real concern there for the child, or he might have just been trying to cover his own ass. Either way, he’s getting time for this-hopefully long enough to get him away from the drugs too, since, no one needs that sort of shit. As for that little girl, I hope she has a swift recovery and that her parents start walking her to school.
12:34 pm on February 11th, 2009
Here is a quick map.
She was hit at the Cady\Peck intersection. The school is the bigass building on the left. My guess is that she lives in one of the hundreds of houses that surround the school.
12:52 pm on February 11th, 2009
Lets take a look at Washington Kidnapping laws and see what fits.
Well, 1st degree is immediately out the window. Here is 2nd Degree,
He could be charged with 2nd, obviously, but the defense of (a) will make it hard for a prosecutor. Lets take a look at Unlawful Imprisonment.
No way they can get any of that to stick, unless the girl testifies she asked to be let out, and Fowler did not do so. So barring that, I just don’t see how they can stick kidnapping charges on the guy. I will be surprised if they do.
1:05 pm on February 11th, 2009
Idk im with Morrbid… I HATE making excuses for people who are legitimetly wrong but in this case I think that he was a good guy with good intentions. I mean he could have left the girl for dead in the middle of the road. He didnt kidnap her, he took her seeking help. The fact that he did this shows that he NO intentions on hurting this little girl. Granted, what he did was wrong… and maybe though he had good intenions, he carried then out in a “wrong” manner, but I really dont think he meant to hurt the little girl.
From her parents standpoint, Im sure they were pissed and scared and naturally they should be. Fact is, if he wanted to harm her, he would not have hit her, he would have snagged her and had his way. Or he would have hit her and left the scene. I really dont think he MEANT to do anything. I think he should be charged with DUI for driving under the influence and maybe reckless driving or something but he didnt kidnap her. He just tried to fix what he had done. Im all about blaming assholes who know what they are doing and get their kiddies out of sick shit but I relaly dont think thats the case here.
*** Im going to hibernate now before people attack me! Hey, its just my opinion!
1:10 pm on February 11th, 2009
Or maybe the lesson is this: If you want to kidnap a young tyke, hit them with your stolen car first! This way, when the cops pull you over and find your hand down her panties, you can just say you were applying pressure to stop the bleeding!
I’m not saying that THIS guy is a pervert that would finger a little girl on the way to the hospital, but if they let him off the hook for not reporting his initial crime in the interest of the girl, they are going to set a dangerous precedent for the grand larceny pedos out there just looking for a legal loophole small enough to squeeze their needle dicks into.
1:14 pm on February 11th, 2009
And anyone who has ever been drunk and or high and done something wrong can agree that when it finally hits you ….you are scared as shit. So the fact that he turned himself in, I commend him for. And the fact that even asked about the girl shows that he cared about her condition. Take it or leave it….
1:17 pm on February 11th, 2009
Some folks feel the “Law” should be interpreted to the letter; others feel exceptions can and should be made according to each circumstance. Unfortunately, our courts just don’t have that kind of free time since we have criminals coming out of the sewers from even the remotest of places. Of course, when a case is presented to the public for review, like this one, it seems practical to go with public interpretation of justice.
This guy is a drug addict; he isn’t evil by any standard. He’s got a heart! Drug addiction is a shitty situation; it makes people go against their better nature in order to keep themselves from being exposed. Richard still has a soul… he didn’t kidnap that little girl; he was trying to compromise both situations so each of them had a chance. The guy needs help… I’m hoping the judge gives Richard a realistic verdict and sends him somewhere he can get his head on straight. Good luck Richard and we all hope the little girl will recover. She was luckier than most.
1:21 pm on February 11th, 2009
I’m floatin on the same cloud as Morbid and Bahaley4e…not thinking he deserves the kidnapping charge.
However, it is easier to charge and drop then it is to add charges later, so I’ve been told. So I’m sure they just pile it on at the outset just to make sure their ass is covered later.
At the same time…loopholia as Swivel points out is a big issue. How many times have we seen pedos walk on technicalities?
I think it all comes down to INTENT, and do we truely know what his intent was. Was it worse than it has been stated and he just got scared and let her go?
1:30 pm on February 11th, 2009
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BEST TRUE CRIME BLOG
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1:39 pm on February 11th, 2009
I also think kidnapping charges are too harsh. He was trying to help, however ineptly. And I do have some vague sympathy for this idiot. Turning himself in, crying, and saying that he had done something bad tells me that, unlike most of the people we see here at DD, this guy is salvageable. I can’t say that he’s necessarily a “good guy,” but his moral compass is probably just a little dented, not completely broken. I’m glad the girl’s going to be okay, and I hope this guy wakes up to what he’d doing, and gets clean.
I started walking to school by myself when I was 9, when I switched to the school that was two blocks from home. Our neighborhood wasn’t great, but looking back, I don’t feel like my parents were taking any chances. And this was in the eighties, when the crime rate was higher! If they hadn’t let me walk those two blocks because the world is a terrifying and dangerous place, I would probably be more neurotic and paranoid than I already am.
It seems otherwise, because we visit the DD, but the world is not actually that dangerous of a place. Please don’t teach your kids they have to live in fear of everyday life, just because there are a few monsters out there.
1:43 pm on February 11th, 2009
I guess the monkeys really are, uhm…getting scared! LOL Keep voting everyone! Let’s make sure they never catch up to us!
1:44 pm on February 11th, 2009
Could one argue that the reason he took her himself was to avoid charges being brought againt himself for the stolen vehicle, drugs and the supposed warrant.
He truely cared about the girls well being, but knew if he called 911 to the scene there’d be an investigation and he’d be arrested. So in a sence he did interfere with a police investigation which I believe would be a governmental function.
I’m not looking to be argumentative and I’ve already stated I would not be in favor of kidnapping charges because I believe he genuinally wanted to help her, although it was very stupid of him, especially if he was driving around intoxicated with her, could have been much worse, but that explanation (e) stuck out like a sore thumb to me it seems to fit.
Just wondering if anyone had a good reason why it would not fit.
1:46 pm on February 11th, 2009
Poor Murder Book, maybe someone should give them at least 1 vote LOL.
1:49 pm on February 11th, 2009
No I think it fits just fine
hee hee
And as far as his intentions doesn’t the saying go – good intentions pave the road to hell. Not even looking at it in a “religious” factor I interpret it to mean you meant well, but that doesn’t mean shit.
1:54 pm on February 11th, 2009
He was scared shitless of the ramifications, and I agree he impeded an investigation.
But that would be more akin to “leaving the scene of an accident”, wouldn’t it.
Again it comes down to INTENT. Did he take the child in order to stop the law from prosecuting him, or was his one and only thought to get help for this injured child?
1:58 pm on February 11th, 2009
Ouch…so if a fire-fighter gives CPR and fails he will be going to hell? He intended to save the victim.
2:03 pm on February 11th, 2009
I was raised to believe, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” meant intending to go to church, intending to give to the poor, intending to get my baby baptised, intending to take communion. All of which are religiously important but not secularly critical, like saving a life.
And, in his drug crazed mind, isn’t it possible he thought this girl might be in a life-threatening situation (granted HE CAUSED IT).
2:08 pm on February 11th, 2009
Ok, ok I get your point. I shouldn’t of said it that way, but we can argue six hours from Sunday about this and I still keep my original thought.
2:16 pm on February 11th, 2009
Want to… this’ll be fun… now we probably oughta set some ground rules regarding punctuation and spelling… and oh yeah, we’ll get MORBID to mediate for us…………
Seriously, I understand where you were going with it, and for the most part I agree.
That just seemed like a realy large brush to paint with.
3:54 pm on February 11th, 2009
“Prosecutorial discretion” is practically an oxymoron. But that’s beside the point, in this case. Intent should ALWAYS factor in… when the charge actually depends to some extent on intent. Kidnapping doesn’t dictate that the offender must intend to hurt a child for the event to qualify as kidnapping. Loving parents get charged with kidnapping their own children all the time. This guy, in part, took the girl in an effort to conseal his crime. That’s kidnapping. No doubt about it. Doing the right thing after the fact only gets you so far, and it should factor into the sentencing, not the charge.
Either way, the DA charges him with all the charges that could apply and hopes that it gets sorted out in the trial. Was his crime inconsistent with the spirit of a kidnapping charge? Let a jury of his peers decide. Or, if he cares to, let him plea to a lesser charge. Or, let the judge take pity on him for being a nice guy. There are options, here. From the DA’s perspective, it’s better to charge him with too much only to get acquitted on a charge or two than to charge him with too little in the event that he’s actually a bad person. If the DA didn’t charge him to the fullest extent of the law and the guy were to fuck up and do something like this again, the state could be held liable.
Oh, and, to the parents worried about the fact that this kid’s parents let her walk places alone…
Yes, you’re crazy and overprotective.
They’ve actually got a term for it, now, there are so many of you: “Helicopter parents”. Luckily, if your kid doesn’t walk anywhere alone in his or her young life and you’re not jumping through hoops to make yourselves available to ferry them around, it probably won’t impact much. I just hope that, in ferrying them around, you aren’t denying them the tools and life lessons necessary to keep themselves safe when alone. Being out and about alone is exponentially more dangerous for them as teenagers, statistically-speaking… and will be even more so if they don’t have any street smarts because mommy dearest wouldn’t let them out of sight as a youngster. It’s the equivalent of raising a creature in captivity and then suddenly releasing them into the wild. I think we all know how that goes.
The odds that your youngster is going to be victimized by a stranger as a child is akin to the odds of dying in a plane crash. Sure, you hear about people dying in plane crashes all the time, but that doesn’t mean flying isn’t safe.
4:55 pm on February 11th, 2009
wow, this is a toughie… what if they’d gotten into an accident while he had her in his car, purportedly taking her to the ER? Would we still be debating a kidnapping charge? Did he tell her that he was going to take her to the hospital to get her help? Does that matter? Creeps tell lies to children often enpough to lure them away so I am not certain that would mean anything. This story just reminds me that there are shades of gray and the law isn’t as black and white as we’d like to think it is.
What if he’d actually taken her to the hosital after all, and stayed with her until she got help? What if he came clean to her folks, the doctors, the powers that be – and explained what had happened right then? Would that change our debate on kidnapping? (Okay, it’s not really my debate at all – I enjoy reading and chewing on your thoughts, though. I’m debating in my mind.) I’m on the fence and reinstating my stance that we need professioanl jurors in this country. I hope I am never tried by a jury of my “peers”.
4:59 pm on February 11th, 2009
Not trying to cause a debate over this, but do you have kids? I’m guessing the answer is No. There is a huge difference between parents who constantly hover over the kids because they are too fearful of possible tragic outcomes that they see on the news everyday than those that are aware of the possibilites, yet, decide to use their best judgement with each situation.
Would I let my 8 year old walk to school alone? No.
Does that make the parents who do careless and unloving? No.
Not all neighborhoods are the same, and neither are all 8 year olds. Some kids mature faster than others and some parents still feel they need to look out for their child’s well-being despite their child’s show of maturiy and responsibility.
I am sure the child’s parents in this story believed their child was old enough and mature enough to make it to school alone and safe. Unfortunately, this did not happen, but thank God she was not killed!
If I was a helicopter parent, not saying you are accusing me of one, just an example, I would drive my kids to school and pick them up everyday instead of allowing them to ride a public bus where they are pretty much on their own without my hovering. I would not allow my daughter to spend the night with friends or go to a teen club every Friday, where it is supervised (I went and checked it out) and she has that freedom to hang with friends and feel some independence.
There’s many, many, other options parents have to teach their children independence and allow them freedom without inhibiting their safety. My point is I don’t care about the odds or statistics when it comes to my children. I care only about their safety and as a parent, that’s my job. I always appreciate your input in these stories and I think you are a very intelligent lady. When you have kids of your own one day, they will be very lucky to have such a compassionate and intelligent mother.
5:15 pm on February 11th, 2009
I have to say that I go based on my own experiences and those in my neighborhood. My younger sister and I were almost abducted by a known sex offender back in the 80’s. I was 8, she was 5. Although I was a tough little girl, and knew full well to get the hell away from strangers, my sister did not have that same good sense. However, our mother would send us to school by ourselves. Even after the incident. She was never a good mother to begin with anyway.
Now, I am a mother myself, I have 4 kids ranging from 16 to 4 years old. I am confident that the older ones can go to and from their activites and freinds home. My 12 year old is far from being street smart. My 16 and 14 year olds, would go to the library at that age by themselves. That would never be the case with the 12 year old now.
Not all kids can handle traveling to school on their own. Matter of fact, DD had a story about a month and a half ago about the same thing. A 12 year old traveling to school on public transportation, was spotted by a Pedo on the bus. He followed her and raped her.
Call me paranoid, call me over protective, but my kids are safe. It’s a personal decision I suppose.
7:11 pm on February 11th, 2009
Foxy, Foxy, Foxy… You don’t get to say you don’t want to debate the issue and then immediately bring my child-status into question. That’s a low blow!
If spitting out a kid endowed people with some knowledge the rest of us aren’t privy to, we’d have A LOT fewer articles on this site, and sterile couples wouldn’t be able to adopt. You’re fairly new so you would have absolutely no way of knowing, but I’ve grown incredibly resentful of the assertion that, because I don’t have kids, I’m somehow out of the loop. My values and beliefs in terms of parenting come, in large part, from my parents – you know, people who have children. 
Your statement above is exactly why I take issue when parents come flying out of the woodwork being judgmental about the decisions of parents they don’t know who have kids they don’t know who live in neighborhoods they don’t know. Besides, let’s be real – this kid’s age doesn’t change a thing. If the school was a block from home and the girl was 12, this still could have happened.
I speak in generalities and, generally speaking, letting an 8 year old walk around unsupervised is both safer and more beneficial to his development than letting your 16 year old walk around. Parents who don’t allow their perfectly capable children to leave their sight without supervision are doing their children a disservice based on an irrational, paranoia-driven belief.
Now, clearly, that isn’t you. But parents like that do exist, and we hear from them a lot here at D’D. I’ll use Solange’s first post as an example. She and I have gone rounds about this very subject (in fact, she probably had me in mind when she referenced being accused of being overprotective
); I’m quite sure she’s a great mom and she’s definitely a sharp gal. But, she says she doesn’t let her 8 year old walk from the car to his classroom alone. Unless her 8 year old is developmentally disabled or she lives in the Bronx, how is this NOT overprotective?
This isn’t necessarily true. Research has shown that unsupervised activity is THE most beneficial activity for the development of judgment. There’s no substitute for that, and when parents think unsupervised necessarily equates to unsafe, it creates the potential for trouble. Not that anyone is calling for unbridled freedom, but there is definitely such a thing as too little freedom. Thus, it becomes a chicken-and-the-egg scenario – do you restrict your child because he’s immature, or is he immature because he’s been restricted? Parents will rarely cop to the latter, as they don’t care to fancy themselves overprotective. But general overprotection brought on by our access to media is having dire consequences.
Did you know that record numbers of college students have nervous breakdowns? Did you know we’re seeing record numbers of adult children living at home? We are artificially extending the childhood of American children even though, legally and biologically, they still become adults at the same age as generations ago. These disasters aren’t waiting to happen… they’re happening.
These are the facts. There are parents out there right now, reading this site, who are behaving in a manner that is emotionally stunting their children in the name of “safety”. It’s a dangerous game to play, too, because, if you do it wrong, increased safety now means decreased safety for them later in life, when it matters more. It’s a personal gamble all parents have to take, and I’m not so smug that I’d call anyone out specifically and tell them how to do their job. I just want people to know the facts and make informed decisions, not decisions based on paranoia. And I sure as hell don’t want any parents who confidently and rightfully let their 8 year old walk to school feeling bad about it.
8:01 pm on February 11th, 2009
I am sorry if you took it as a low blow, actually, I thought it was an honest question and I was only asking from experience. I’ve dealt with people before who were not yet parents themselves, and found their criticism of others’ parenting ridiculous.
One time, out of many, someone without children of their own thought my daughter was a brat because at the age of two she had an outburst at a birthday party, and even though I removed her immediately from the situation and had a talking to her on how she should behave and why what she did was wrong, they still felt the need to criticize. Well, let’s just say that years later, when they finally became a parent and their child acted out in a funeral home, Karma is soo damn good!
I don’t think I was being judgmental about these parents at all. I believe I did state that if it was my child, no, I would of not allowed her to walk alone to school at that age, but it does not mean these parents were bad parents for doing so. To each their own, in my book.
I agree with this and I do believe it does a disservice to your child’s well-being to not allow them some freedom and chances to make their own decisions, but that is entirely up to the parents to make the decisions as being it is them who know best what their children are capable of.
I don’t understand by what you mean as unsupervised activity. Should I allow them to walk to the store, alone, and buy whatever without a care? Should they be allowed to have as much freedom as an adult when they turn twelve? There’s a reason that the age for a legal adult is 18 and we have seen many on this site well over the age of 18 who did not make rational and mature decisions.
I am not trying to make any parent feel bad about their decisions. I am only stating my opinions and how I feel about the safety of my own children. Hopefully, the parents who are reading this, will be able to gain some insight from both sides and be able to make a valid decision that may save their childrens’ lives and some heartache for themselves.
I’m glad you want them to know the facts and you deserve credit for that, but believe me. When you have children, well most parents anyways, you form a bond with them that is immeasurable and beyond explanation. Your main purpose in life is protecting them and wanting to give them the best possible childhood possible, lovingly and safely. If some parents are too overprotective, yes, it will probably bite them in the ass later on, but I will not criticize them for it. I understand your beliefs and statistics, but I would rather know that parents are doing their damndest to protect the children in this Godforsaken world than read another story about a dead child because they didn’t.
9:55 pm on February 11th, 2009
I Just have to ask,”Why was an 8 year old girl walking by herself to school?” In Seattle? I lived outside Seattle for about 20 yrs. My 8 year old is now 15 and I still get up and drive her every day. That poor baby, how scary for her.
10:42 pm on February 11th, 2009
That’s a brave woman. And I admire her courage…I would feel the same.
That’s what I’m saying…rather I agree, lol. He used bad judgement and should be punished, but not charged w/ kidnapping. That is a bit much…
10:43 pm on February 11th, 2009
He was still commiting a crime and on drugs or that little girl would never have been hurt in the first place. I know most drunken drivers never mean to hurt, kill, or maim people, so should we just start letting them off the hook?
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