David William Hadeen

Sacramento, CA–He entered the store in his superhero outfit: blue jeans, a green shirt, tennis shoes, a sequined American flag hat, and a red cape. In his hand he held a 2-3 foot wooden sword. He was a man on a mission! But, what was his mission? Was he on the trail of an arch enemy? Was he hunting down scofflaws and/or litterbugs? No. He was in search of a device. A sexual-enhancement device.

David Hadeen entered the L’amour Shoppe and made a beeline for the area of the store that featured sexual-enhancement devices. He found one that pleased him. The $200 price tag on the device failed to deter him…device in hand, he made for the exit. The clerk failed to deter him as well; he waved his wooden sword in the face of the clerk and with a flick of his fancy red cape, he vanished, without paying for his new toy.

The clerk, perhaps fearing death by splinter, didn’t approach Hadeen. He did, however, note which direction our badly dressed superhero was headed and informed the police.

Officers were on the look out for the caped crusader and they found him, just blocks away. He was still wearing the cape and the hat, but had lain his sword on the ground next to the now opened package containing his shiny new sex apparatus.

David William Hadeen, 36, was arrested on suspicion of robbery and a misdemeanor arrest warrant for vandalism. He is being held on $35,000 bond. If Hadeen has a fairly clean record that doesn’t involve any sexual offenses, I kinda hope they go easy on him…at least he wasn’t sticking it in a dog, or a child, or roadkill, or a car wash vacuum, or a picnic table, etc.

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