Shannon Schenck (Myspace)

Spring Hill, FL–This story originally hit the press a couple of months ago but was recently posted in the forums, and I just couldn’t pass it up. This guy not only deserves a Darwin award, he has rightfully earned a spot here on the Dreamin’ Demon.

Shannon Schenck was driving around, minding his own business, when one of Florida’s finest pulled him over for a busted tag light. The trouble started when Schenck handed over his driver’s license. The last three numbers on that license had been erased and written over in blue ink. Slick! A cop certainly wouldn’t notice that, would he? I bet everybody wishes they could be that smart!

While he was escorting the brainiac to the cruiser, the officer noticed that the dude was walking funny…kind of knock-kneed, like maybe he had to pee or like maybe he was concealing something in his crotch. The officer gave him the pat down and realized that there was something hard in the area of Schenck’s ass. He asked Schenck what the hell was coming out of his butt, but Schenck wouldn’t tell him what it was. Why the cop didn’t further investigate the object, we may never know. Personally, I wouldn’t have stuck my hand down his pants either.

So, they’re in the cruiser heading for jail when the officer notices that Schenck was sweatin’ like a pig. He also looked to be in a bit of discomfort. Then there was the sound of glass banging on metal. The cop is thinking, WTF? He pulls the cruiser over, drags Schenck out of the back and sees an eight-inch long glass crack pipe sticking out of the waistband of his pants. The crack pipe is covered in poop and blood. Heeeeey! How’d that get there?

The poor officer had to remove that vile, messy, disgusting pipe from Schenck’s pants and place it into evidence. He then continued on his way to the jail…gagging the entire time, I’m sure. When he arrived at the jail, he was told to get Schenck to the hospital. Staff performed X-rays to see if the guy had anything else stuffed up there, medically cleared him, and sent him back to the pokey. He was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a fictitious identification.

Ladies, I think he’s single! On his Myspace, he says he’s looking for ‘hot women down to erth women no drama.’ And, how could you resist this? ‘i can last all night in the bed babby.’ My heart, be still.

Thanks to SoUncool for the story and The Morning Star for the title.

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