Dick Got Squeezed
December 31, 2008 by Jaded
Michael Dick
Gresham, OR–You ever have one of those days? You’re just sitting at home, chillin’ in your bathrobe, enjoying a peaceful morning when out of the blue, a nekkid guy just walks in through your patio door. Now, ya know this guy isn’t stopping in to shoot the breeze over coffee and donuts.
An 88-year-old Gresham woman, we’ll call her Jane, was throwing another log on the fire Tuesday morning when DickDick reviews
entered her home in all of his creepy nekkid glory. For one head-scratching moment, Jane thought it was someone she knew, but then realized that this wasn’t a Dick she was familiar with.
Dick was silent as he followed Jane around her living room…he just kept pushing himself into her. Tiring of that game, Dick got a little testy and shoved Jane, face-first, into a chair. His plan was now clear. Jane wasn’t about to give it up so easily, she fought back. In her own words; ‘I kept saying, ‘No, no, no!’ And then I said, ‘Holy mother!’ And then I said, ‘God.’ And then he stopped and that’s when I reached around and grabbed him. I grabbed his cojones and gave ‘em a good squeeze!’ You go girl!!
The squeeze was enough to make Dick re-think his intentions with the woman. He extricated his junk from her vice-like grip, and took off running. After hearing Dick’s description announced over the radio, an officer in the neighborhood headed him off, interviewed, and arrested him. 46-year-old Michael Dick is being charged with burlgary, harassment and private indecency. He sits in Multnomah County jail on $110,00 bond. Other charges are pending.
3:59 am on December 31st, 2008
2 Thumbs Up for this write up!! You have definitely made up for the “Cougar” title with this one!!! My hubby and I are laughing our asses off (which is a good thing seeing as it’s 4 am and we’ve been up for an hour due to the freakin wind! lol)
I LOVE this little old lady! She obviously has more balls than Dick (omg – every sentence is gonna sound like a pun lmao)
Is it just me or is this the first time anyone else has heard of “private indecency”? Public – yes. Private? Huh?
Thank you So Jaded. This was an awesome story to read first thing in the morning!
4:51 am on December 31st, 2008
Thank you Zibarro!!
Leave it to Oregon to have a ‘private indecency’ law. I was curious, went searching, and found this….
(1) A person commits the crime of private indecency if the person exposes the genitals of the person with the intent of arousing the sexual desire of the person or another person and:
(a) The person is in a place where another person has a reasonable expectation of privacy;
(b) The person is in view of the other person;
(c) The exposure reasonably would be expected to alarm or annoy the other person; and
(d) The person knows that the other person did not consent to the exposure.
(2) Private indecency is a Class A misdemeanor.
(3) Subsection (1) of this section does not apply to a person who commits the act described in subsection (1) of this section if the person cohabits with and is involved in a sexually intimate relationship with the other person.
(4) For purposes of this section, “place where another person has a reasonable expectation of privacy” includes, but is not limited to, residences, yards of residences, working areas and offices. [1999 c.869 s.2]
http://naturistaction.org/StatesFrames/State_Laws_Frames/Oregon_Laws/body_oregon_laws.html
5:39 am on December 31st, 2008
Go Grannie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Thank god he did not hurt her though, meaning kill her or really kick the shit out of her, go grannie go……
yes she had bigger balls than he and they always say to FIGHT for your life no matter what and she was not putting up with him, too bad she did not get a hot log out of fire and beat the shit out of him
ha ha ha
happy new year to everyone
be safe out there
9:04 am on December 31st, 2008
Doesn’t this guy look an awful lot like Ronald Miller (DD, August, 2008)?
Good for granny, too bad she didn’t clock him one with the fire wood, too. Or maybe with a good, hot poker.
Oh lord, everything I write sounds like a double entendre…
9:24 am on December 31st, 2008
Wow, I am so impressed with “Jane”! To keep your wits about you with this guy naked in your house! His creepy mugshot is horrifying enough, I can’t even imagine the horror of seeing him in “private indecency”!!
After reading about him and Stanley (who will no doubt be trying this same shit now that he’s out of the attic!), I am feeling especially thankful for my 3 dogs, all of whom will rush to our door with a mighty ruckus if someone so much as sneezes a block away! I’m going to give them all a hug!
10:11 am on December 31st, 2008
I’m still laughing at Dick Got Squeezed…..hee hee hee.
11:19 am on December 31st, 2008
Can someone explain to me why this wouldn’t be attempted rape??? It’s obvious what his intentions were!
11:29 am on December 31st, 2008
She grabbed him as she was going to put “another log on the fire” when she realized all he had was a twig. Roaring fire don’t need no kindling.
11:54 am on December 31st, 2008
Z : I love that line.
12:17 pm on December 31st, 2008
Is Michael Dick related to Andy Dick? Their mugshots seem similar.
12:29 pm on December 31st, 2008
I giggled when I read the title, now that I read the story I am lmaoooooo Dick got squeezed !!!!! priceless =)
12:34 pm on December 31st, 2008
My Granny would have cranked his wanker too. Awwwww…. I’m in love with her.
2:58 pm on December 31st, 2008
I live in Oregon; we’ve got the ‘best’ laws! Also, I am not at all surprised this happened in Gresham. Creepy fucking town if I’ve ever seen one.
11:58 pm on December 31st, 2008
How hilarious! I am so happy that the woman was not harmed and the sick pervert was captured! Great story So Jaded! Your title is the best I’ve seen so far!
2:15 pm on January 1st, 2009
Thats hilarious! Good for her. Every woman should be able to defend herself! Men all over the world should read this article and maybe they would think twice before they pull their perverted stunts! And the title of the article….lol..how simply amazing!
7:28 pm on January 1st, 2009
If only she’d had a knife in her other hand.
She could have cut the problem off then and there.
8:05 am on January 2nd, 2009
ok…so i was thinking about this again last night and I laughed my ass off…… hahaha
10:48 am on January 3rd, 2009
Fun with Dick and Jane.
HAHAHA I’m glad she wasn’t injured. And I hope she has a nice big bottle of hand sanitizer.
11:15 am on January 3rd, 2009
This COULD have ended so so so badly and didn’t, thank God. What a psycho – he looks scary as hell! I would have shit myself if he came charging into my apartment naked or clothed! Ugh.
6:08 am on January 4th, 2009
having been born with the name Dick is a Crime its self. He shuold get some brownie points for that – I vote for insanity.
This story was run again today on headline news… A very brave woman… gooo girl power! Her children should be so proud… Very Witty Lady.
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