This story written and submitted by our member Damaged Goods.  Thanks, DG!

Seriously.. what is that mess on Joe Rice’s forehead?

Minneapolis, MN – Joseph Conrad Rice, 63,  seems a little worse for wear. Well… he has been having an interesting time. In mid-December, Mr. Rice was arrested for trying to stiff the poor cabbie who drove his inebriated ass home from a local strip club. About two days after that, police were called to the Minikahda Country Club to pick up a drunk-again Joseph Rice. This time he apparently made “terrorist threats” to a police officer.  All reports also state that Rice reported his Mercedes stolen, but I honestly don’t know why anyone gives a shit. 

Rice is now in custody for what he did on December 15, 2008. First, he arrived by cab to the Country Club, quite drunk, and demanding entrance. The guard advised him that seeing as he was banned from the club, they wouldn’t be allowing him in. Being the gentleman that he is, Mr Rice told the guard that he was going to have him fired. When this dire threat failed to gain him entrance, he went home…

Curses! Foiled again!

Not one to take a hint or be deterred, Mr Rice returned, in his red ‘72 classic Ferrari. (Subtle!) The guard recognized him, and, not wanting another run-in with Crazy Old Drunk (henceforth “C.O.D.”), hid upstairs. He heard banging on the locked door followed by the sound of at least 4 gunshots. Gun… shots! This asshole was so pissed about not getting into a country club at 2:00 in the morning that he was willing to SHOOT people. What the hell?

It seems he was an ex-member of the country club, but had his membership suspended for erratic behaviour, including threatening the life of a staff member.

Yeah you’re a real mature guy there Joe! What reasonable adult wouldn’t deal with rejection by a country club by threatening people, shooting at them and attacking police? How do you reach the age of 63 and still have the emotional maturity of a spoiled 5 year old? It would seem the brainpower of one as well. I’d say grow up, but if you haven’t yet… well…

Oh and who knows what NotoriousNotorious reviews C.O.D. would have done had police not arrested him when they had. They caught him walking out of his apartment, carrying a bag that held two loaded hand guns, three gun magazines, two gun cases, miscellaneous gun cleaning accessories, and a partridge in a pear tree. I don’t think he was planning on bringing anybody early Christmas presents.

Joseph Rice: Setting the bar for Crazy Old Drunks everywhere!