Naples, FL–Wal-Mart; the land of long lines, empty shelves, and overworked disgruntled employees. It seems that every single week, there is a story or two about crazy shit going down at the local Wal-Mart. We have crazed shoppers, butt-biters, pedophiles, Guitar Hero lovin’ murderers. Now we have Donald Bohn; a lonely weirdo who hangs out at his local Wal-Mart dressed in a Santa shirt and hat, talking to anyone who will listen, about his package and his ability to please women. *gags*
Collier county deputies responded to that particular Wal-Mart Thursday night after a woman reported that Bohn was making inappropriate comments and using lewd language. One woman stated that Bohn asked her about her virginity and made some other sex-laced comments. Another woman told police that Bohn made some comments about his family jewels and his knowledge about pleasing women.
Deputies found the 63-year-old Bohn at the customer service desk, chattin’ it up with yet another woman. When confronted, Bohn asked, ‘Why does everyone wanna get me in trouble just because I talk to them?’ He states that he’s just a friendly guy who likes to talk to people. Don, talking to strangers is acceptable, if you’re making small talk about the weather or the price of gas…people tend to get a little freaked out if you approach them and start going on about your dick.
A subsequent criminal check on Bohn revealed that he was a convicted sexual offender. He was convicted of a sexual offense in the 80′s and had spent time in a New York prison for sodomy on a child. The victims of his sexual abuse were children under the age of 11.
Speaking of sexual abuse and children, a manager at the Wal-Mart stated to police that he often spotted Bohn on the skill crane game in the arcade. When he won a prize, he would wait around to give the toys to small children. This guy rates pretty high on my ‘ick’ meter.
A search of Bohn revealed a lacy pair of women’s panties. Bohn said that he had bought them for his wife, but was returning them to the store because they were too big. He has an answer for everything!
Bohn told officers that at one point during the night, he was singing ‘Like A Virgin’ and said that the song may have been mis-interpreted. He claims he’s just a happy guy who likes to sing. He describes himself as a Christian who loves people. He dresses up as Santa because he is filled with the Christmas Spirit. ‘I might talk to a lot of people,’ he said. ‘I’m a lonely man. I don’t have a lot of friends around here. I have a lovely wife, but I don’t know what to do with myself during the day.’
Donald Bohn was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and failure to register as a convicted felon. He has already bonded out of jail.Tags: disorderly conduct, failure to register, Florida, lewd behavior, Naples, Sex Offender, Wal-Mart