You’re A Mean One, Heather Calderon
December 19, 2008 by impqueen
you really are a heel… you’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel…
Heather Mason Calderon
Erwin, NC – While Linda Mason was in a Chapel Hill hospital for cancer treatment, someone broke into her Erwin home. The thief stole food, bed linens, decorations… even the Christmas tree! Now, stealing Christmas from a cancer patient is bad enough – but when the thief is the patient’s daughter, it’s even worse. Heather Mason Calderon, 35, was arrested Monday and charged with the crime.
Whatever possessed Calderon to break into her mother’s home and steal everything? Food I can kind of understand. Many’s the time I’ve popped in on my loving parents’ kitchen for a meal or three. But sheets? Decorations? The Christmas tree?
Did she slither and slink with a smile most unpleasant? Did she go ’round the room and steal every present? Because clearly she didn’t stop until she stole her mom’s feast. She stole her mom’s pudding! She stole her roast beast! She took all the food and the linens with glee. “And now,” grinned the daughter, “I’ll stuff up the tree!”
I know. Dr. Seuss is appalled. So am I.
Heather Mason Calderon is charged with felony breaking and entering to commit larceny. Unfortunately, there’s not an additional Grinch charge for stealing her cancer patient mother’s Christmas decorations. And get this, denizens – when Calderon was arrested, police served an outstanding warrant for… you guessed it! More breaking and entering!
Yeah, this one’s a real winner. I’m sorry your daughter is a complete loser, Mrs. Mason. I hope you get well soon, and have a little bit of a merry Christmas anyway. Heather Calderon is being held in the Harnett County Jail on $12,000 bond.
Dakota Valkyrie is covering this case in our forums.
8:48 am on December 19th, 2008
This write up is incredible, great job !!!! As for that bitch, God don’t like ugly and that bitch got it double time !!!!! eeeek
8:53 am on December 19th, 2008
Did she steal a paper bag for her face? Because that should have been first on her list.
8:59 am on December 19th, 2008
I heard about this the other day and was just shocked. What a fucked up bitch she is!!! And fugly too, agree about the paper bag. Maybe it’s Karma biting her in the ass.
9:00 am on December 19th, 2008
That’s a way rough looking 35 right there. Dayum.
I feel so bad for Ms. Mason – like she wasn’t dealing with enough already without having to worry about her sorry ass daughter. Did they recover the things she had stolen, or did daughter dearest sell them or trash them? Just wondering bcs Erwin’s not that far from me and I don’t like the thought of some lady dealing with cancer not having a tree and decorations bcs of her worthless child. If they didn’t get recovered, I’ll take her new ones myself.
9:07 am on December 19th, 2008
You got THAT right! Some days, I feel positively ancient. Luckily, though, I have yet to approach this bitch’s run-down look! Whoa. The ugly shows through from her soul, apparently.
I watched The Grinch with my kids just last night, Imp. Dr. Seuss might be appalled by her behavior, but he would be proud of your rendition. He, too, liked to use rhyme to shine light on the dark places of the human soul (The Lorax, The Butter Battle Book, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, etc….)
I hope Ms. Mason gets her things back, and has a Merry Christmas without this thieving asshat.
9:09 am on December 19th, 2008
http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/4159088/
Here is the link for the local news. It shows her address Becca.
9:21 am on December 19th, 2008
Thanks Cassie! But I found out on another site Ms. Mason has moved in with another daughter in Mount Olive, so no trip to Erwin for me! Oh well. Hopefully the other daughter is better than this one.
10:01 am on December 19th, 2008
Lol. What’s funny is she dyes her hair blonde like that’s gonna make her hott. Instead it just draws more attention to the fact that she’s butt ugly.
10:06 am on December 19th, 2008
What a piece of Shit!!!
10:10 am on December 19th, 2008
Your’e Awesome ImpQueen. Simply Awesome.
11:17 am on December 19th, 2008
Is that a mustache I see? to go with the tree? With a face that unpleasant I doubt there”ll be a present. Did she slither and slink while in such a dither? You bet your ass she did, right to jail, do not collect $200.00.
Imp , great write-up, I see you were raised correctly with Dr. Seuss, you inspire me…
11:45 am on December 19th, 2008
Guh! Looks like they already punished her ass with the ugly stick. Poor Mom. I hope her other daughter doesn’t let this piece of shit anywhere near the Mom.
11:47 am on December 19th, 2008
LOL…I cant figure out whats making me laugh harder….the write up or the photo.
12:04 pm on December 19th, 2008
Stealing is trifling, period. But to steal from your family, especially your sick mother?! Especially appalling. Christmas dinner and decorations?! Unbelievable.
12:39 pm on December 19th, 2008
I agree. This article was cleverly written. Job well done!
2:30 pm on December 19th, 2008
I am 32…if THIS is 35 I am in ef’n trouble! Geez.
4:15 pm on December 19th, 2008
Ugg, I wouldn’t touch her , with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole. What a nasty, wasty skunk., With a heart , full of unwashed socks. Her soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.
She a perfect Grinch. to bad that Meth Smokin trailer trash, AssHat will never find a heart. I cant believe she took the damn sheets right off the bed and totally emptyed the cupboards, “I don’t have nothing there,” Linda said after the robbery.
I got a Christmas Carol for her.
WE WISH YOU A METHY CHRISTMAS………. WE WISH YOU A METHY CHRISTMAS……….. WE WISH YOU A METHY CHRISTMAS……….. WITH MY WINTER BOOT SHOVED UP YOUR REAR…..
7:12 pm on December 19th, 2008
THAT, is what ugly trees grow out of. The origin of ugly.
R
8:17 pm on December 19th, 2008
I agree 100% cant say it any better ,,what a fucking loser!!What a memory for her poor mom to have while she fights for her life!!
11:01 pm on December 19th, 2008
Holy Meth-Face, Batman!!!
2:53 am on December 20th, 2008
best. write-up. ever.
funniest. comments. ever.
1:18 pm on December 21st, 2008
What a triple-decker toadstool sandwich…WITH ARSENIC SAAAAAUCE!
12:56 am on December 23rd, 2008
Great write up IMPQUEEN, made me laugh….
The Grinch is my favorite Christmas Story
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