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Failure In One Easy Step

December 13, 2008 by Jaded  

Filed under: Armed Robbery, Crime, Mugshot, News 

aab2m9 Failure In One Easy Step

Jocelyn Addison, Nia Mcbrayer & Jennifer Wattson

Bedford, OH–The internet. It’s always there for us when we need a problem solved. Need to know how to get red wine out of a white carpet? Check the internet. Looking for a solution to cure a recurring rash? It’s on the internet. Wanna commit armed robbery in six easy steps? What do ya know…you can get directions on the internet!

Here we have a trio of women who were looking for some easy money; Jocelyn Addison, 19; Nia McBrayer, 21; and Jennifer Watson, 18. They must have thought they hit pay dirt when they came across a website titled, ‘How To Commit Armed Robbery In Six Easy Steps.’  All a person needs to get started is a ski mask, a partner or two, and a plan. Well hell! That sounds easy enough. The trio downloaded the instructions, printed them out, and got busy.

They had the first three steps covered; they had their masks, a plan, and an unloaded BB gun. (What? The tutorial said nothing about bullets). They piled into the car Monday night and headed for the local Dollar Tree. I betcha they were already thinking about what they were going to do with all those dollars. They had printed directions! From the internet! What could possibly go wrong?

They tried really, really hard to follow through with step #4, ‘The Robbery’. The manager must have come across a ‘How To Convince Anyone of Anything’ article on the internet, because she convinced the would-be robbers that she couldn’t open the store safe. The women were probably confused at that point…after all, rejection wasn’t covered in the tutorial. DeniedDenied reviewsDenied reviews and dejected, the trio departed the Dollar Tree and made for the getaway car.

That brings us to step #5, ‘The Law’. The tutorial points out that the law is to be avoided at all costs. They must have forgot about that step because less than a mile away from the Dollar Tree, the women were faced with several officers…and they had real guns. Loaded guns. With tears streaming down their faces, the trio confessed and surrendered to police. All three were arrested, taken to jail, and charged with robbery. Just like real criminals. They didn’t make it to the final step, ‘Spending The Money.’ Step #6 suggests spending the ill-gotten loot quickly…on lots of bling. So sad.

In a search of the getaway car, officers seized the actual printed copy of the tutorial. I wonder if anyone has plans to invent an anti-dumbass vaccination….BRB. Gotta do an internet search.

Thanks for the story Tazzzz!

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Comments

  • Haaaaa-haaaaa-haaaaa!!!!! That is fucking awesome. They are my new heros.
  • Senna
    Wow. Just...wow. What a bunch of dummies.

    It's like I try to tell my mother and grandmother--just because it's written on the internet doesn't mean it's reliable. Just like anything, you have to add common sense and cross references. Oh, and don't do anything you know to be illegal because what you do online is not private. Okay, I don't have to tell my mother and grandmother that last part, as they are both law-abiding citizens.

    Still...dumb, dumb, dumb...I'm just glad these three are as stupid as they are crooked. I wish all criminals were this dumb.
  • porcelain
    These dumb bitches probably thought there were money "trees" in the back.
  • philly_phan
    The internet - a gift and a curse. These twat waffles, lmao...they got just what they deserved. Locked up for the holidays!
  • CassieMomma
    Don't people know that you can be traced on anything you do on your computer. Basically you would have to nail about 6 big nails in it and set it on fire and even then someone can recover the data probably. Too funny though, that made me laugh. Hee hee
  • Jessers
    Those fugly fugly morons! Nice- I hope the one on the right was planning on stealing a razor, too... We laugh at this story, but seriously- my brother in law pulled the same type of crap when he was that age ("armed robbery with a fake gun") at a small town convenience store about 15 years ago. Apparantly, the cashier he robbed- her life is ruined she is so traumatized by the event and she can't even work or function socially from the anxiety and post-trauma stress still now years later. Those stupid ass beeyotches.

    Kudos to the manager who sounds like she really had her wits about her! Hope she gets through this.
  • Lynn
    Thanks for the giggle SoJaded! dumb ass criminals.
  • missanthropic
    I love you Jaded. This made my day.
  • Becca
    Are you serious? Those two on each end are women?
  • Nyrak
    Ahhhhh....the internet. Where would we be without it? Certainly not on this site, so I am grateful for the internet...google holds a particularly large piece of my heart....
  • Stella
    First, SJ, great write-up as usual. Better than great. Read it outloud to husband before his morning coffee and he couldn't believe it.

    However, this story reeks of our oldest son (just a couple things we KNOW of):

    (1) Age 18: 4th speeding ticket: Ran off an article "How to Beat a Speeding Ticket". Fine, except for it was how to beat a speeding ticket in Canada. Don't ya' think the word "Mounty" would have given him food for thought?

    (2) Stealing scratch off lottery tickets then scratching them off at the convenience store -- all captured on CCTV (a felony). And he didn't win a thing, BTW, except a huge fine and one-year probation.

    WTF? I could write a book. He must hang with these folks. I can hear him now: "google it".
  • malq
    This reminds me of a bunch of "buddies" that robbed a donut shop with a bb gun and took no money. Just grabbed donuts.
    Sooo glad I was no where around that night. I was 16 and pretty dumb.
    They all got caught and had fun in juvy.
  • And hey, Jaded, the centering thing is all better now. YAY!

    This pleases me. :)
  • Hehhhh. Awesome.

    And hey, Jaded, the centering thing is all better now. YAY!
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