It’s Thanksgiving again!
Dreamin’ Demon Home Office, Akron, OH – We here at the Dreamin’ Demon love the holidays.Â Not just because we get to take the day off and indulge in hookers and blow, but also because it’s a time for peace, love, harmony, and a bunch of other sentimental crap.
We’ll be way busy next week, posting stuff about women beating their men with fry cookers, and men beating their women with turkeys, and no doubt somebody will shove something – or someone – into an oven.Â So in honor of this festive occasion, we have compiled one of our Awesome D’D Top Five Lists:Â The Top Five Stories About Ovens… and the victims people put in them.Â Or on them.Â You’re welcome, internet!
Originally posted on April 17th, 2008, this story detailed the plight of a kitten that found itself inside an oven that was being used to heat a home. The story didn’t garner that much activity, with only 19 responses – which was surprising as the characters involved were the usual D’D fodder who end up typing back to us in all caps and use the word BITCH 34 times in a wall of words. The story even included the line â€œIt was really awful, awful. The cat was seriously burned. It had to be screaming, you had to smell the cat. I smelled the cat when I arrived, Iâ€™m sure someone had to be aware”. But I guess the story just didn’t tug at the heartstrings as much as other animals do seeing as the animal was a cat…and everyone knows what evil and foul creatures they are. Someone could have stuck a scorpion in the oven and you would have seen more sympathy. Read the full story (with video!)
Actually the most recent animal-in-the-oven story on D’D.Â My future disappointed girlfriend, Alex Rouse, returned home to find the house full of smoke. After checking the furnace, her attention was directed to the oven. Seems that while she was out, some asshole broke into her home and had stuffed her dog in it. At this point, no suspect has been arrested, although Alex has her suspicions. No word on if the dog was alive when it was put in the oven or not. Police (and if you watch the video, the Homeowners Association) are taking this crime very seriously aw it does take a pretty fucked up person to do something like that. Alex, if you need anyone to talk to, give me a ring. I’m here for you and a have a few body parts you can lean on if needed. Read the full story (with video!)
Another puppy, another asshole sticking it an oven. This one was all kinds of messed up. Bonnie Bowens returned from church to find her pet dog, Penny, cooking inside her oven. Someone had even propped a chair against the front of the oven, which leads one to easily assume the dog was alive when it was placed there. To add even more insult, Bonnie’s house was broken into again. On the bright side, local housing authorities are helping her find somewhere else to live, and People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals ponied up a reward of up to $2,500 to help catch the person/people who did this. Read the full story (with video!)
Now, this may not sound as bad as putting a live animal in the oven, but obviously, the ear used to be attached to someone.Â In this case the ear belonged to Jana Shearer and was found in a pot on the oven owned by her ex-boyfriend, Christopher McCuin.
In a nutshell, Christopher murdered Jana, carved up her body in the garage of his mother’s home, called 911 (after showing his mother what he had done) and told them what he had done and that he was planning on eating the body.Â In fact, he stated, he was cooking some of her at that very moment. When police arrived at the home, and subsequently arrested Christopher, they found Jana’s body in the cab of his truck with obvious cutting injuries to her torso and face, including a missing ear and a missing bicep. But once they got to the kitchen, they found the missing parts. The ear was boiling in a pot on the stove, and Jana’s bicep was on on a plate with a fork stuck into it. [Read the full story...or don't...as I probably have more detail here than I did there...up to you.]
And our number one story of someone putting something in the oven that did not belong there is:
When Tiffany Fraser’s 7-year-old son lost a cell phone, she did what most parents do in that case. She shoved his ass in an oven. What made this story even worse was the fact that the boy went to daycare and when Joelle M. Lherisson, 37, asked why he had burns on his arms, legs and nose, he told her that his mother had put him in an oven as a punishment. Joelle called the mother who actually verified the story…and then proceeded to do NOTHING. The boy eventually ran away from home and told someone at a mall what had been done to him.
We posted this story in January, and at the time, Tiffany’s twins had been removed from her custody and she had pled not guilty to second-degree assault charges. Joelle’s daycare was under investigation and she had been charged with a misdemeanor count of failure to report child abuse. I tried to do a little searching to update this story, but couldn’t find anything aside from our own article… which you can read right here.
So there ya’ go.Â Sure, we all hope that Monday’s top story will be about some woman in Missouri who shot her man after he slapped her for being late with the turkey.Â But you know and I know that somewhere, somebody’s gonna turn on the oven and roast ‘em a little somethin’.Â So while you sit there reading this, probably stuffed from gorging yourself on bird and bread,Â letting off steamy farts that smell vaguely like Aunt Ruth’s famous broccoli ‘n cheese casserole with pumpkin pie filling crusting up around your greasy lips…be thankful that you have yet to be featured here.
Happy Thanksgiving!Tags: cat, dog, Dreamin' Demon, ear, oven, stove, Thanksgiving