Akron, OH - So of course that means he “swears to God” that he’s “never going to molest anyone again”.  Never mind that Glen VanKleeck, 70, was a church leader for umpteen bazillion years in Florida and Ohio.  Nevermindnevermind that VanKleeck was a police officer and Boy Scout leader for decades.   (Yes, Canteen Boy, he was.  They’re called “stereotypes” for a reason.)   This week, VanKleeck found out that God won’t save him from prison.  

I’m kinda wondering why Glen VanKleeck couldn’t find The Lord during his church ministry years.  I dunno, maybe it was because he was too busy molesting little boys?   Or maybe it’s because, as we denizens of the Demon know too well, Jesus lives in jail with the bad shampoo and the shower shoes.  And I guess finding God while serving the community only happens if one is looking above the waist.

VanKleeck has been molesting boys for fifty years.  Even he has no idea how many victims he’s had.  His most recent victim was only eleven years old.  Imagine being eleven and having the guy in the above mugshot trying to feel you up.  How about NO, no thank you.  Just, um.. NO.  That boy’s family was in court on Monday advocating for a harsh sentence for VanKleeck.

Judge Robert Gippin had a few words for Glen VanKleeck on Monday. “You are, somehow, every parent’s worst nightmare,” said the judge. “I don’t know how else to say it. It’s almost like a caricature of someone who preys on young boys and it’s going on for decades.”

Gippin went on to say that he hoped the media wouldn’t jump on the fact that VanKleeck was a single man who volunteered as a scout leader, saying that VanKleeck made scouting look bad.  Well, duh, Judge.  Come on, now.  If you put your kid in scouting and his troop leader is a single guy who just likes hanging out with the youngsters, it’s time to move troops.  The Boy Scouts of AmericaAmerica reviews is a great organization, but they are listed third in the Places Pedophiles Play handbook, right after church and the internet.

Glen VanKleeck pled guilty to five counts of gross sexual imposition.  Which is apt, because ewwww, gross.  He was sentenced Monday to fifteen years in prison. At sentencing, he told the court,”I regret anything that happen. I never, swear to God, would never hurt anybody again.”  Shyeah, right.

Dakota Valkyrie is squicked out in our forums.