Lauro Canales Hammers Woman for Sex
November 12, 2008 by Ruby
Lauro Garcia Canales
Naples, FL – Lauro Garcia Canales, 55, must have found it hard to find a woman to love him. With a face like that, is it any wonder? More importantly, Canales apparently has a bit of a temper.  So he decided that the best way to keep a woman might just be to catch one and lock her up.
On Monday evening, police were called to Canales’ small home on Ninth Street North, where Canales opened the door and told officers that everything was just fine. But apparently, it wasn’t.
An unnamed woman stumbled to the door and begged the officers to help get her out of there. Canales had been holding her hostage. She’d been staying with him for about a month, and from the outset, he’d been angry. It began with him punching her, and progressed quickly to choking her — with his hands and a tire tube — and striking her with a hammer before raping her.
Why didn’t she leave? Well, Canales put plywood over the windows and padlocked the home from the outside whenever he left. He took her cell phone, too. I’m surprised neighbors didn’t wonder about the plywood and padlocks, honestly. Does no one question anything anymore?? Though, in fairness, reports don’t state who called authorities to the home, so it’s possible that a concerned neighbor is our hero of the day.
As for Canales, he was so upset about his atrocious behavior that he dozed off in the patrol car on the way to jail. No lie.
Welcome to the Dreamin’ Demon, Mr. Canales.
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2:14 pm on November 12th, 2008
Holy cow! He really took the time to plan this one out, or did he just happen to have enough plywood to cover his windows and a spare padlock? Very scary, makes me happy I’m not in the dating game anymore. I hadn’t heard that a hammer is a new tool of seduction or used in foreplay now – my husband is a carpenter and he’s never once thought of that (good thing or he wouldn’t get a second chance to either!) Ladies, you gotta be careful who you go home with! I hope this woman presses charges and doesn’t disappear – I hope someone had reported her missing?
2:15 pm on November 12th, 2008
I’m guessing an alert liquor store clerk called 911 when the tire tube, hammer and her cell phone tumbled out onto the counter ~ from his beard?
2:21 pm on November 12th, 2008
Somewhere out there, a carnival is missing a ride operator…
2:25 pm on November 12th, 2008
Now that’s funny!
That poor women though, she must of been scared to death. The welcoming sound of a doorbell is something I’m sure she’ll always appreciate. What a sick individual!
2:49 pm on November 12th, 2008
I think I woulda been chewing through the floorboards to get away from that. Ick….
3:12 pm on November 12th, 2008
BUggysmommy
I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF WITH YOUR COMMENT, THAT IS SO TRUE, HOW FUNNY
HAVE A NICE DAY
OH BY THE WAY, WHAT A WACK JOB DUDE, does he not look like someone you could beat the shit out of
3:49 pm on November 12th, 2008
is eeewww, yuck, nasty Mfer a sufficient comment? The only way this moron would have gotten a woman, was by force. No one would have willingly gone with him…would they?
4:04 pm on November 12th, 2008
Somewhere out there, there is a woman just like him. That’s a scary notion, but true-there is always someone for everyone-this tool just didn’t want to wait for his goddess to arrive and ventured out on his own…
4:11 pm on November 12th, 2008
OMG Now that’s funny !!!
4:23 pm on November 12th, 2008
OMG — laughing, laughing, laughing!!!!
And then another one just as funny right underneath!!!!
He looks like a Halloween elf in that orange jumpsuit. I’m guessing it’s the first sex he ever had from something that was breathing.
Even a patio table would try to roll away from him. A couch would buck him off. And a bathtub would spit him out.
5:17 pm on November 12th, 2008
What can you say about this guy, just glad he’s not dear old Dad
8:00 pm on November 12th, 2008
is anyone else singing it??
“if i had a hammmmerrrr… i’d hammerr upside your bitchass headd.
my momma diddnt loove meeee. we have the same beardddd.”
12:39 am on November 13th, 2008
Now that’s funny there, I don’t care who you are.
1:44 am on November 13th, 2008
laughing my ass off… he does look like the typical carnie
2:21 am on November 13th, 2008
Funny, true, frightening…. OMG the mixture of feelings is so scary. Can I just say that if this thing raped me, I’d have to douche with bleach and carve my eyes out of my head. UGH!!!! FREAKO!
6:48 pm on November 14th, 2008
Aaaaaaah I hate him.
12:20 am on November 18th, 2008
funny as hell
Oh here in Florida people often board up their windows during hurricane season, believe me it wouldn’t look too outta place
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