Auburn, WA – Elizabeth Beimer has been involved in some ongoing custody issues with the father of her 6-year-old daughter. Let’s face it, any kind of custody battle sucks donkey dicks. Regardless, there are good ways and there are bad ways to handle the stress. Beth Beimer chose a bad way. I’m talking the kind of “bad way” that results in a $1,000,000 bail.
What happened was that an acquaintance of Beimer’s became tired of her repeated requests to have the father of her child killed. But wait! That wasn’t all–Beimer wanted the man’s wife and parents killed as well. After said acquaintance failed to talk her out of such a course of action, he showed himself to have the makings of a truly decent human being, as he reported Beimer’s intentions to the Auburn police.

A big thanks to the Auburn police, since they could’ve pooh-poohed the acquaintance’s claim, but they didn’t. Instead, they arranged for a King County sheriff’s detective to contact Beimer posing as a hit man.

You have a good chance at successfully guessing where the meeting between Beimer and the detective met, since when such meetings are held face-to-face, they seem to always occur in (a) parking lots or (b) hotels. And if you guessed (b), you win the Dreamin’ Demon Desktop Detective Award! It was at this meeting that Beimer told the detective that she wanted her daughter’s father and his wife killed, along with the father’s parents, should that be at all possible. And for the murder of four people, Bethie was willing to cough up the amazing sum of $500.

I know, with the current economic climate, everyone is trying to find ways to save money. And c’mon, Beth Beimer came to her supposed hit man with the planning already done, so that has to mean a serious price break, right? After all, she brought floor plans, photos of members she wanted killed, a description of the order in which the members should be killed…and even a weapon that could be used to commit the murders.

Let’s suppose for a minute that Elizabeth Beimer is a very protective Mamma Bear when it comes to her daughter. Say she only wants the absolute best for her daughter and feared that changes in the current custody arrangement (which has the man seeing his daughter one day a week) would expose the little girl to avoidable hardships and dangers. Thus, perhaps contacting a hit man was her misguided attempt at achieving a stable and safe environment for her child (setting aside the fact that she also would be depriving her child of her father and a full set of grandparents).

Truth is, I’d be inclined to set aside a drop of sympathy for her were that the case. But in light of the murder weapon Beimer chose, I think she’s just a vengeful angry bitch. What she provided the detective with was a length of rebar–that heavy, ridged iron bar used to reinforce concrete. That says to me that having these people dead wasn’t enough for Beth; she also wanted them to suffer on the way out. Let’s face it, rebar as a murder weapon only makes sense if you want someone beat to death.

Wednesday Beimer was charged with solicitation to commit murder and faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted.

Hey, Beth–nice job. I think you conclusively resolved that whole custody issue.

So Jaded has Beth’s number over in the forums.

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