Jonathon Guabello: Not The Sharpest Tool
October 2, 2008 by Jaded
Fort Meyers, FL–The intelligent looking specimen you see pictured above is 29-year-old Jonathon Guabello. Jonathon and his girlfriend of five months had spent an entertaining evening out, drinking and fighting. Jonathon also added some Xanax to his alcohol consumption…not a good idea. Anywhooo, after returning home from the bar that evening, Jonathon decided he wanted some nookie, but the girlfriend wouldn’t oblige. Pffft…women! Jonathon came up with a brilliant idea to get his girl all hot-and-bothered and in the mood….he shot himself. Twice. In the arm. Hey, that always does it for me.
After getting turned down, Jonathon’s girlfriend said he got all irate. Leaving him to stew in his funk, the girlfriend took the dog and retired to the spare bedroom. Just when she gets all comfy and cozy, she hears gunshots. Two of them. Doing what any intelligent person would do, the girlfriend calls 911. At about this time, Jonathon bursts through the door and threatens to kill her is she calls for help. This obviously offended the dog cause he started snarling and growling at Jonathon. To no avail, Jonathon just laughed at the dog. He then told his girlfriend that if she tried to get him put into rehab, he’d kill her.
In his drunken/drugged stupor, Jonathon stumbled into the kitchen and proceeded to fall upon the stove. He is knocked out. Yep…taken out by an oven door. Someone is gonna wake up feeling mighty stupid.
Guabello was arrested for threatening violence and firing a weapon in an occupied dwelling. He was treated for the gunshot wounds and taken to the county jail where he is being held on $100,000 bond. Authorities stated that this wasn’t the first time Guabello has been shot, he has a scar on his shoulder from a previous gunshot wound. It isn’t clear whether or not it was self-inflicted though.
Anonymous girlfriend, if you are reading this…run honey! Run fast and run far. This one is obviously a waste.
11:13 am on October 2nd, 2008
Yeah, gunfire makes me wet.
Let me guess…they lived in a trailer, right?
11:14 am on October 2nd, 2008
Hahaha….I love it! Dumbass.
11:15 am on October 2nd, 2008
Holy hell! Like Jaded said….run far and fast and never look back!
11:17 am on October 2nd, 2008
Great writeup as always, Jaded!
Sorry I had to shorten your title to make it fit. If anyone’s confused, Jonathan is not the sharpest tool.. in the shed.
And no. No, he isn’t.
11:23 am on October 2nd, 2008
Ha Ha Ha…this is nice and refreshingly funny after reading the previous story about poor little Bianca….what a fool!!!!! Pretty bad when dog is out, boyfriend is out! Can’t say that I blame her though…
11:26 am on October 2nd, 2008
Every time I imagine the scene, I laugh a little harder.
Not a problem!
11:33 am on October 2nd, 2008
OMFG. Between dead babies and the bailout I have spent the morning all pissed off. One of the three stooges must have possessed this dude or something.
11:36 am on October 2nd, 2008
Idiot. Good ’nuff for him
11:47 am on October 2nd, 2008
Hopefully he will never breed. His parents must be so proud.
11:49 am on October 2nd, 2008
What a moron!
12:22 pm on October 2nd, 2008
can almost guarentee the first wound was self inflected gotta tell ya not the brightest crayon in the box!
12:24 pm on October 2nd, 2008
I see it now:
Girl friend: “git off me ”
“you drunk as fuck ”
“you need to go to rehab”
Bubba:”Come on baby I aint that drunk
look,it’s still hard”
Bubba:”what no sex?” ” that’s bullshit’s what it is”
Gunshots -> ->
“woman, I already done told you I aint goin to no rehab”
“lookit whatcha made me do”
“you coulda jus put out”
That’s damn sexy I don’t know how any woman could contain herself when faced with an opportunity like this
12:26 pm on October 2nd, 2008
Yup… I think he’s channeling Larry, maybe Shemp.
12:52 pm on October 2nd, 2008
Oh my. I am pretty much speechless.
And that sure isn’t easy to do.
2:00 pm on October 2nd, 2008
And the dumbass of the day is……..
3:16 pm on October 2nd, 2008
His aim was off…
A little higher and he might’ve gotten it right.
4:13 pm on October 2nd, 2008
Hey Mo, Hey Larry…
Wooop Wooop Wooop!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLj5qcrCkCs
9:21 pm on October 2nd, 2008
Jonathon Guabello: Not The Sharpest Tool…
But he IS a tool, none the less.
12:09 am on October 3rd, 2008
Jesus Christ, seriously how do these women get hooked with the crazy one? If he’d shot himself and then she just retired to the guest room, her tools aren’t that sharp either. Moron, seriously, thats all I can say. Morons both of them……
1:01 am on October 3rd, 2008
Wow. I so thought my hubby was lyin when he told me he could DIE if he didnt get any sex!!!
9:44 am on October 3rd, 2008
knocked out by the oven door. hee hee hee. Makes me laugh
1:45 pm on October 4th, 2008
i hope that when she runs, she takes the poor dog. animals don’t need to be around anyone that stupid.
12:30 pm on October 5th, 2008
He must feel so stupid and embarassed.
2:21 pm on October 6th, 2008
he should feel stupid and embarassed, but he is such a dumbass that he is probably still sitting there thinking, “DoH- That Bitch made me do it-she wouldn’t give me none. She ain’t havin me holed up in no damn rehab again. Stoopid bitch.”
Ya see, if he WEREN’t such a tool, he might be smart enough to take some responsibility for his own actions and realize that he did something stupid. With him being the tool we all see him as, I doubt that responsibility crosses his thought processes….
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