Jose Antonio Cruz Cut the Cheese
September 24, 2008 by Lizard
West Charleston, WV – Tuesday evening, police observed a Mazda 626 being driven without headlights. When pulled over, 36-year-old Jose Antonio Cruz was a bit wobbly on his feet and smelled of alcohol. Police placed him under arrest for DUI and took him into police headquarters. Cruz then did as drunken people are wont to do: he made a bad situation worse.
Attempts to get an adequate breath sample from Cruz failed, allegedly because he has asthma. He asked to be taken to a hospital, but when the EMTs showed up, he resisted and had to be handcuffed while on a cot, resulting in an obstructing justice charge.
But that’s not all.
While being fingerprinted, Cruz moved toward Patrolman T. E. Parsons. He then lifted his leg, farted “loudly” on the officer, and waved the air in the direction of Parsons. According to the criminal complaint, “The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons.”
Few men can boast that their farts are so noxious that they’ve faced criminal charges for them, but Jose Cruz can. Cruz’s moment of flatulent excellence garnered him the additional charge of battery on an officer.
This one’s for ImpQueen. Happy BirthdayHappy Birthday reviews
!
5:58 pm on September 24th, 2008
I LOLed.
Douchebag.
6:10 pm on September 24th, 2008
Liz, you amaze me. I couldn’t roll on the floor and type at the same time, but obviously you can. Too funny.
8:05 pm on September 24th, 2008
What an obnoxious ass. I can just look at him and tell. I bet he thinks he’s a real hero for doing that too.
10:36 pm on September 24th, 2008
I have to tell ya Liz, I laughed so hard at this one, I think I squeezed one out in YOUR honor!
10:52 pm on September 24th, 2008
Haaaa!! That is funny! Happy Birthday Imp!
11:39 pm on September 24th, 2008
HAHAHA I have seen many things in my life but a charge of being gassy. LOL
5:11 am on September 25th, 2008
What an ass
5:53 am on September 25th, 2008
rude, and unrespectful in which we find all of these idiots never been taught respect for anything or anyone for that matter, personally i would have punched him in thehead
10:03 am on September 25th, 2008
LOL…ROFL…LOL…
I am crying from laughing so hard…LOL..LOL….
Thanks!! I really needed a laugh today!!!…LOL
10:42 am on September 25th, 2008
ROLMAO!!! Moron!! giggle, snort, giggle
11:33 am on September 25th, 2008
LOL! How “refreshing” to read a story here that’s amusing in addition to being just plain horrifying.
I think my infant son would probably qualify for charges of battery as a result of his horrific farts. Maybe I should press charges next time…
12:14 pm on September 25th, 2008
The cops set a dangerous precedent here. The 911 system could get overwhelmed when children begin calling to have their older brothers arrested…
12:24 pm on September 25th, 2008
Ok, yeah, the guy is a total douchebag for driving under the influence. Hate that. And yes, farting and waving it toward the cop just made a bad sitch worse, but you know draught beer and bar food causes explosive and especially putrid gas and sometimes you just can’t help it.
I was glad to see this story hit the DD. Nice change of pace.
12:48 pm on September 25th, 2008
I had to restrain myself from putting the story into the categories “Poisoning” and “Asphyxiation.”
3:19 pm on September 25th, 2008
What a butthead. Yeah, I went there, third-grade name calling and all.
But, I gotta say, it was a relief to read a story like this. Get it? Relief!? *Spares you all more lame jokes and crawls back into the background to read more DreaminDemon from afar.*
3:22 pm on September 25th, 2008
Sorry, but I think that’s hilarious!!!!!! I mean not the drunk driving part, but just picturing the raiseded leg and him waiving it at the cops……like we all haven’t done it or have it been done to us. Unfortunately I am in the latter as I have a husband and a 3 year old who just thinks my husband is the most hilarious thing out there and she loves to imitate him and yes I said “she”. Nice
3:25 pm on September 25th, 2008
Isis, that really stunk.
3:49 pm on September 25th, 2008
Hey, there are worse things. About 6 months ago, my brother who is a law enforcement officer was having breakfast with his boss and several other officers. They began to hear a loud voices and it seems this older, heavy lady was getting a little beligerant about something in the restaurant. Well, to make a long story short, she was drunk, got pissed, loud and ugly. She had to be taken down and arrested. When they tried to put the cuffs on her, (she was a BIG woman) she pissed on my brothers leg! He has just finally stopped getting ribbed about this!
(Personally, I had a ball with it for a while;)
3:58 pm on September 25th, 2008
YUCK!!!!!
I would of laughed at him too though, hee hee
4:26 pm on September 25th, 2008
Okay now this story and the Drug Dealing Teen are priceless! Hey maybe they will both meet at the Prison dances! I log on everyday and read the Cheerleader story just for kicks, now I have a new one!
Thanks Lizard!
9:00 pm on September 25th, 2008
Hahahahahah, oh Lizard that’s awesome. How very quick you are.
ROTFLMAO. Tehee.
Oh shit, does that make purple nerples an assault?
7:09 pm on September 26th, 2008
Impressive. What a man.
7:10 am on September 29th, 2008
Aw man, they dropped the charge:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26877682/
1:26 pm on October 18th, 2008
I’m bored and looking at older stories and cranky about having to work on a Saturday in an hour … when lo and behold, this story pops up, sends me into uncontrollable giggles, and now I’m in a much better mood! Thanks!
10:38 pm on April 25th, 2009
Some people just have to prove they are the scrapings from the bottom of the barrel… yuk…yuk…yuk!
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